An obscure bylaw in the TechCrunch corporate charter mandates them to publish a 'why <some place that will never be the next Silicon Valley> is the next Silicon

An obscure bylaw in the TechCrunch corporate charter mandates them to publish a 'why <some place that will never be the next Silicon Valley> is the next Silicon Valley' article every two months. Rumor has it that in the bottom desk of the editor's drawer is a jar of used blood from the last time vampire Thiel had a hemocyte change and a dart has its tip wetted with this foul ichor before being thrown across the room at a large map. Whoever does not turn away from viewing the ritual fast enough is assigned the story.