4 ms·

> seems the author is unable to accept that the staff might just be following rules. One can follow rules while being polite.

H4CK3RM4N 10y ago
I fail to see how most of the staff were really being rude. The retail worker in particular.
- sgt101 10y ago
  I think that the inappropriate attempt to capture social capital and convert it into financial gain is rude. When you are able to develop a proper exchange with a retailer - for example to be able to ask about quality or suitability and get advice based on your relationship with them - this is a useful and pleasant experience. When you are captured by a script and then pressured into either being rude to an innocent party or doing what the retailer wants, that's rude. The staff are not rude, they are victims, pawns, the retailers are rude - primitive, obvious and unregarding others. Venal.
- cyberferret 10y ago
  To me, that was one of the takeaways from this article - that you can by NICE, but still perceived to be rude, if the attention or interaction makes the other person feel uneasy or pressured or guilty. The end result is the same for the recipient, whether the message is delivered with a stick, or with a velvet glove. Not just talking passive/aggressive niceness either - simply being unaware if your interaction suits the current mood of the recipient can be interpreted as being rude too. It was a useful reflection point for me, and a powerful message in that essay.
ashark 10y ago
Besides, the author feeds us the fact that others have reacted poorly too her telling of those events, and leaves the reality of the events ambiguous, surely on purpose. The various anecdotes are examples of when she's done something wrong, more or less. It's right there in the text. One could take the story about the shop experience as a turning point--her behavior is still wrong, but she's beginning to understand how and why, and this is compared with the reaction of the person she tells it to, which is closer to how a (possibly very, very slightly) younger her might have taken it, one supposes. She's not claiming to have been right in these situations. The piece is about her journey to resolve to be more polite, rather than more correct.

H4CK3RM4N 10y ago

I fail to see how most of the staff were really being rude. The retail worker in particular.

sgt101 10y ago
I think that the inappropriate attempt to capture social capital and convert it into financial gain is rude. When you are able to develop a proper exchange with a retailer - for example to be able to ask about quality or suitability and get advice based on your relationship with them - this is a useful and pleasant experience. When you are captured by a script and then pressured into either being rude to an innocent party or doing what the retailer wants, that's rude. The staff are not rude, they are victims, pawns, the retailers are rude - primitive, obvious and unregarding others. Venal.
cyberferret 10y ago
To me, that was one of the takeaways from this article - that you can by NICE, but still perceived to be rude, if the attention or interaction makes the other person feel uneasy or pressured or guilty. The end result is the same for the recipient, whether the message is delivered with a stick, or with a velvet glove. Not just talking passive/aggressive niceness either - simply being unaware if your interaction suits the current mood of the recipient can be interpreted as being rude too. It was a useful reflection point for me, and a powerful message in that essay.

ashark 10y ago

Besides, the author feeds us the fact that others have reacted poorly too her telling of those events, and leaves the reality of the events ambiguous, surely on purpose. The various anecdotes are examples of when she's done something wrong, more or less. It's right there in the text. One could take the story about the shop experience as a turning point--her behavior is still wrong, but she's beginning to understand how and why, and this is compared with the reaction of the person she tells it to, which is closer to how a (possibly very, very slightly) younger her might have taken it, one supposes. She's not claiming to have been right in these situations. The piece is about her journey to resolve to be more polite, rather than more correct.