This isn't a complete bullshit. I have had similar experience. My problem is I've been having this kind of experience every several years including long depress

This isn't a complete bullshit. I have had similar experience. My problem is I've been having this kind of experience every several years including long depression phase with some breakthrough in the end of it with "I'm smart and feel high" phase next. I absolutely had some real breakthroughs both spiritual and psychological (I was visiting a shrink) but in the end the cycle was there. Finally I've got help from a professional physician and psychiatrist (not the same person) and now I'm taking pills to treat my inherited hypothyroidism and Type 2 Bipolar Disorder. The only thing left is to find a good shrink (probably CBT) 'cause living with untreated BPD for a long time leaves your mind in a overshadowed state with a lot of negative self-believes and harmful mental habits.