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Ask HN: How to improve your conversational abilities?
By conversational ability : I mean not just verbal it can be non-verbal, listening, mental models to thinking before replies, any classic models (like socratic..)
Suggest books, blogs, youtube-channels or notes.
Anything which will help one become a better person in active engagement with other people.
- tabeth 10y agoBooks, blogs and YouTube are useless IMO. There's one solution. Engage. - Talk to your coworkers - Attempt to lead conversations - Listen - Do not interrupt others - Watch There's no alternative that will result in such a tight feedback loop. Try to do this as frequently as possible and your conversational skills will improve, guaranteed.
- dsacco 10y agoI agree with this. You don't need to read books to improve your social abilities. If you start down that path, you're already thinking about this way too much. Engage with people, listen to them and commiserate. Find something in common as a conversational anchor and don't try to be strategic.
- Mz 10y agoParticipate more on Hacker News than you currently do. Online conversation is usually vastly better than "water cooler" conversation IRL where people typically say nothing of real importance. You could also try pursuing ride sharing arrangements. That can foster good conversation as well, while you are both stuck in the same vehicle, heading to or from work.
- dsacco 10y agoI'm going to push back on this and say practice talking to strangers in person, because common discussion on Hacker News is almost nothing like the way most people communicate with each other.
- Mz 10y agoI am just going to leave this here for anyone who cares to hear my POV: http://micheleincalifornia.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-art-of-conversation.html http://micheleincalifornia.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-art-of-c...
- wingerlang 10y agoOnline forums are not even remotely close to having a conversation in real life. It is silly to even suggest at that in my opinion. Since OP is asking for conversational skills, that seems to suggest that he actually wants to learn the "unimportant" water cooler talk.
- veddox 10y ago> Online conversation is usually vastly better than "water cooler" conversation IRL where people typically say nothing of real importance. Usually, the point of conversation isn't to "say something of importance". The point of most (private) conversation is to socialize, to get to know others better, to foster human bonds. And IMO, that is much more important...
- seanwilson 10y agoYeah, I never understand people that say they "hate small talk". I mean I hate conversations where you both have no interest in each other and are forced to chat about generic stuff to pass the time but I don't expect to solely talk about topics you would find in geek forums.
- seanwilson 10y ago> Participate more on Hacker News than you currently do. Online conversation is usually vastly better than "water cooler" conversation IRL where people typically say nothing of real importance. What does real importance mean? Not all conversations have to be about something deep. Talking about whatever and sharing stories is a way to enjoy the company of someone else and learn more about their past and personality which is important.
- ParameterOne 10y agoDale Carnegie: Book, How to win friends and influence people. And always ask open-ended questions, the person asking the questions will control the direction of the conversation.
- veddox 10y ago1. Be interested in the person standing opposite you, show real empathy. 2. Listen to what they say. 3. Try to understand why they say what they say; if necessary, ask questions. 4. If you ask questions, ask open-ended questions. ("Why do you say that?" is a great one to start with.) 5. Watch people whom you know from experience to be good conversationalists, emulate them. 6. Practice :-)
- tedmiston 10y ago#1 tip is to just stop thinking and not go into the conversation with preconceived notions. It's okay to have an idea about the points you want to make, but just slowing down and truly listening to what the other person is saying without precalculating your response while they're still talking is a rare gift these days. I always notice people who do this, and enjoy meetings with them most.
- jfmoris 10y agoI once recorded some audio tapes, so that I could listen while working and driving. After reading several book (~20 hrs each) I noticed that I had become more glib & talkative - I think it improved my voice & diction, and helped my confidence. I need to do something again, I like the other ideas: practice - but I'm thinking of more recordings, too.