You can't control them, but you can definitely "provide guidance" to the independent company as to what your desires are. They obviously won't give you somethin

You can't control them, but you can definitely "provide guidance" to the independent company as to what your desires are. They obviously won't give you something egregious but it's you who's paying them and will continue to pay them every year (a 409a valuation needs to be within 1 year to be valid for options). If a firm doesn't do something you like, you'll move onto the next one.