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Somewhat related... Dale Carnegie, this article, et. al describe various methods to be liked, listened to, etc. that all basically revolve around the idea that

by YCode 10y ago

Somewhat related... Dale Carnegie, this article, et. al describe various methods to be liked, listened to, etc. that all basically revolve around the idea that you should make the conversation about them and their needs. Even smiling is a small step away from outright saying you like them and are willing to listen. One thing I've found though is that this can be mentally exhausting. It starts to feel like the people around you are starving for attention and suddenly they've found an oasis of it. But over even a short time the entropy of being on the giving end of nearly every interaction with someone creates a sort of mental energy vacuum. Certainly I can't be the only one who has experienced this -- how do you maintain your energy or sense of self when you are consistently trying to meet other people's needs?

kdamken 10y ago
By focusing on your own needs above all else. Don't worry about befriending everyone. Be authentic and find people who like you for you actually are, not because you manipulated them into it. I highly recommend checking out "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World".
jogjayr 10y ago
> how do you maintain your energy or sense of self when you are consistently trying to meet other people's needs? Some people thrive off interactions like this, I think. If that's not you (and I count myself in that category also) then I think the "best" compromise might be to turn it on only when and where it matters (even though that sounds awful and self-serving). That probably means with valued friends and close family, and people you're trying to impress for some reason (personal or professional).
Nomentatus 10y ago
Part of "showing a sincere interest in the other person" can be interrupting their monologue to ask them a specific question that redirects the conversation to something of more mutual interest (or any interest.) You don't have to be a rug they wipe their feet on, you can stand up for yourself and what might be of interest to you, just keep it about them somehow. If they decide you're a horrible person 'cause they just wanna monologue about complaint X (not common, but it happens) or don't want any input from you of any kind including a question about them, it's time to move on. Most people just need a little bump to make them a better conversationalist. Most people do understand at some level that a conversation is a mutual agreement to discuss the matter at hand, and the agreement part is necessary.
acalderaro 10y ago
It is mentally exhausting, and I think it's highly underappreciated just how exhausting it is to listen to/deal with other peoples' problems as a manager in any capacity - especially when you yourself are not able to vent (either because of privity or because no one else understands). This is why delegation is so important. As an organization grows, it literally becomes impossible to manage everyone by yourself. But enlisting talented managers who understand these concepts helps to alleviate this issue. To answer your final questions, maintaining energy requires deliberate planning of the energy you expend in other areas. For me, I rarely drink because alcohol has undefined impact on my energy levels (I get tired, and it's not like a video game that I can flip a switch and be awake and ready). But more importantly, organizing your activities between <energy consuming> and <energy restoring> has been particularly helpful for me. Once I took the time to understand what takes energy from me and what restores it, I was able to experiment with planning my days to ensure that I have enough energy to expend, while maximizing the energy I do expend.

by YCode 10y ago

kdamken 10y ago

By focusing on your own needs above all else. Don't worry about befriending everyone. Be authentic and find people who like you for you actually are, not because you manipulated them into it. I highly recommend checking out "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World".

jogjayr 10y ago

> how do you maintain your energy or sense of self when you are consistently trying to meet other people's needs? Some people thrive off interactions like this, I think. If that's not you (and I count myself in that category also) then I think the "best" compromise might be to turn it on only when and where it matters (even though that sounds awful and self-serving). That probably means with valued friends and close family, and people you're trying to impress for some reason (personal or professional).

Nomentatus 10y ago

Part of "showing a sincere interest in the other person" can be interrupting their monologue to ask them a specific question that redirects the conversation to something of more mutual interest (or any interest.) You don't have to be a rug they wipe their feet on, you can stand up for yourself and what might be of interest to you, just keep it about them somehow. If they decide you're a horrible person 'cause they just wanna monologue about complaint X (not common, but it happens) or don't want any input from you of any kind including a question about them, it's time to move on. Most people just need a little bump to make them a better conversationalist. Most people do understand at some level that a conversation is a mutual agreement to discuss the matter at hand, and the agreement part is necessary.

acalderaro 10y ago

It is mentally exhausting, and I think it's highly underappreciated just how exhausting it is to listen to/deal with other peoples' problems as a manager in any capacity - especially when you yourself are not able to vent (either because of privity or because no one else understands). This is why delegation is so important. As an organization grows, it literally becomes impossible to manage everyone by yourself. But enlisting talented managers who understand these concepts helps to alleviate this issue. To answer your final questions, maintaining energy requires deliberate planning of the energy you expend in other areas. For me, I rarely drink because alcohol has undefined impact on my energy levels (I get tired, and it's not like a video game that I can flip a switch and be awake and ready). But more importantly, organizing your activities between <energy consuming> and <energy restoring> has been particularly helpful for me. Once I took the time to understand what takes energy from me and what restores it, I was able to experiment with planning my days to ensure that I have enough energy to expend, while maximizing the energy I do expend.