The original has a rhythm, it reads like a poem. Shouldn't the corrections have tried to maintain that? This version is awkward to read and that draws attentio

The original has a rhythm, it reads like a poem. Shouldn't the corrections have tried to maintain that? This version is awkward to read and that draws attention to how silly some of its statements are. Like that you might just want to take a little walk sometimes is not a crucial component of the manifesto, it just helped that paragraph flow before.