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I don't really agree with this article. I gave up on online dating a few years back, but as a guy I don't think it was all that bad. Someone said 1/50... I th
by dbg31415 10y ago
I don't really agree with this article.
I gave up on online dating a few years back, but as a guy I don't think it was all that bad. Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond. And look... if they don't respond, that's fine... it's nothing personal at that point. Women have to sift through the messages very quickly.
Anyway my advice for making it not suck so much for guys:
1) Find a girl friend who has some style, have her pick out your clothes (you can have her go through your closet and throw out everything that sucks if you want -- every 5 years or so it's probably not a bad idea to let a woman do this for you). I'm not the best looking guy... compensating by dressing right helps.
2) Make sure your pics aren't shirtless selfies, or drunk frat-boy poses, or just you standing in front of a boring ass wall; photos where you are out doing interesting things... hiking, at a cooking class... whatever. No selfies. Outdoor pics in good lighting taken by someone else. Make sure your pics are current.
3) Put some time into your profile, but make sure it's not a wall of text. A few tweet-like sentences that are funny or summarize yourself... that's what you need to go for. I think you want to be a more-fun version of yourself. Be a little goofy, don't take yourself too seriously. And be honest... you'll get what you're looking for.
4) When you write to girls... actually write to them. Not a book... but something individual. Copy and pasting the same message won't get you anywhere. Tweet-like comments about something on her profile... ask her a question, share a funny story... Avoid diving right into compliments. Give her something to respond to, something to play off of.
5) When you go out to dinner, have her pay half the first date. It's not cheap, it's fair. And you own't feel taken advantage of. Be friendly, be courteous, but don't be some white knight waiting to be a victim. Look, if you really had a great time and you don't care... pick up the check, but only if you really want to. You aren't paying for her time... she's not an escort. Splitting the check is fine.
6) Have things ready to talk about on the dates. Ask stupid questions. Bring up things you know about her from her profile... have fun with it. Reading just one book a month will give you an incredibly leg up here.
And be realistic. You aren't perfect... she won't be perfect. The goal is to find someone you enjoy being with. No reason you can't have a lot of fun along the way.
- tracker1 10y agoMy responses were generally about 1 in 15. but the rest is generally good advice... that said, I can pick out my own clothes... some things I just like more than others... I was an artist/designer before a programmer, though it was a long time ago.
- dbg31415 10y agoFair... most guys don't know anything about clothing. I didn't until I lived with a woman for a bit. There's a science to picking the right clothing that flatters your body, matches your skin tone... all that... it was like calculus to hear someone try and explain it. I didn't have enough interest to learn it, so I just let someone else do it for me.
- tracker1 10y agoLOL, true enough, and even then... I have a button-down shirt, my only pattern shirt (other than stitch patterns) with cars on it... no woman I've dated likes that shirt. So taste will still account for a lot. Also, if you're a bigger guy, spring for at least getting a collar lift (assuming you don't have a matching big neck), makes all the difference in the world but does about double the price of a button down shirt, and will piss you off when you have to get a new tailor, or one gets messed up.... I've had mostly good luck, one mess up out of the last 6-7 I've had done. Also, don't let dun-lap happen, just buy the right sized pants to cover your actual stomach up to near (just below) your belly button, and wear a shirt that covers it. Nothing looks worse than ill-fitting clothes when you're a big guy. A little loose is okay, but don't go for a tent either.
- nether 10y agoBut shirtless selfies work, if you have muscles. And copy-pasting messages also garner responses that lead to successful exchanges, that's why OkCupid chose not to ban them. How tall are you and what is your race? Those two metrics are greatest determinants of how many messages you receive as a man.
- autokad 10y ago"Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond." thats me, I'm pretty sure if a plague wiped out all men on earth but me, I still wouldn't get 1/5. 1/50 isn't an exaggeration for me. most websites make it hard to track such things, but the coffee meets baggle app made it easy. out of 100 i had 2 reciprocation, 1 saying it was an accident. out of the next 65 had 1 more before I deleted the app. on traditional dating sites like match, pof, etc I had similar though un-quantified results.
- dbg31415 10y agoIt sucks, but so much of what we see online is the photos. Can you put on some nice clothes and have a friend shoot some pics of you out around town? Will probably help improve response rates more than anything else. Good luck!
- vecter 10y agoI don't know why you're being downvoted. You gave actually helpful, accurate, and actionable advice.
- valuearb 10y agoShe really didn't get it. I"ve seen plenty of young men spend swiping through dating apps and messaging girls for hours, because it works and works well.