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I hate it when people tell me to 'be myself'. Many people use it as an excuse to be lazy and to avoid giving thoughtful and meaningful suggestion. A genuine fee
by songzme 10y ago
I hate it when people tell me to 'be myself'. Many people use it as an excuse to be lazy and to avoid giving thoughtful and meaningful suggestion. A genuine feedback for me would be along the lines of, "who are the audience? Why do you think they are investing their time in your talk? What have you come up with so far?". People who regularly give a blanket "just be yourself" comment usually fall off my friend list aggressively.
Growing up, "just be yourself" comments made me incredibly self conscious. In many situations, I simply don't know the right thing to do and the stress from not knowing what to do makes it impossible to be myself because I don't know what to do. Getting a "just be yourself" comment when I reach out for help is the worst. Am I the only person who is confused? Am I missing a personality?
As a result of believing that I am missing a personality growing up, I spent my childhood paying particular attention to the characters that I liked in the movies, shows, and cartoons I watched. I would lay in bed trying to internalize these personalities. I would imagine how that character would react in my day to day situations. If I didn't have a personality, I needed to craft my own. There were many days where I agonized in conflict because I had discovered a new personality that I liked, but it conflicted with my concoction. Eventually, I find a way to either assimilate it into my personality mixture or decide I'm better off without it.
Now, I have built a personality that is uniquely mine, crafted from all the sadness, happiness, proud moments,..., of the many years I have lived. And this process is ongoing. If you know me personally and thought I was strange, random, and/or weird, this is why. I'm probably trying to assimilate a new personality into my existing one.
Just thought I'd share my experiences. Next time if somebody asks you for help, please don't answer with "Be yourself". If you care about them, help them figure out who they are, what they believe in, and lead them to a decision that they would be proud of.
- maxxxxx 10y ago"In many situations, I simply don't know the right thing to do and the stress from not knowing what to do makes it impossible to be myself because I don't know what to do." I am with you. When I grew up there seemed people who just naturally fit in whereas others including me simply didn't fit in. When I tried to be "myself" I often did embarrassing things or simple stupid things. There probably are environments where I can be myself but I have never found one.
- fersho311 10y agocheers! I cant count how many times I wish I could melt into a dipping sauce so I can be eaten and disappear. At one point though, I decided I've had enough and started to pay attention to what it takes to 'fit in'. Looking back, the best decision I made was to hire a pickup artist for a weekend. Spending a weekend talking to a dozen beautiful women (out of my league) and getting feedback on my body language, things I said, social awareness, etc, after each interaction helped me break through a glass ceiling in terms of 'fitting in'.
- twic 10y agoI would like to respond to "be yourself" with "what do you mean by that?". On a literal reading, it's meaningless, because i can't help but be myself, so it must be a metaphor, but it's not at all clear what for. I honestly doubt that people even know what they mean by it themselves. If they do manage to explain it, the obvious followup is probably "why do you think that's a good idea?".
- Broken_Hippo 10y agoI often found that "be yourself" really meant, "be yourself, but not like that." Or to put it more politely, "be yourself" equates to "Be the person I see you as".
- phkahler 10y ago>> Growing up, "just be yourself" comments made me incredibly self conscious. In many situations, I simply don't know the right thing to do and the stress from not knowing what to do makes it impossible to be myself because I don't know what to do. Getting a "just be yourself" comment when I reach out for help is the worst. Am I the only person who is confused? Am I missing a personality? All of that not knowing what to do sounds more like fear of doing the wrong thing, and I'd guess that comes from past failures. Sometimes failures are learning experiences, but other times they become lasting reminders of our failures. Learning to put aside the failures and insecurities and outside influences is what "be yourself" means - at least that's how I have come to see it.