4 ms·

This reads like a laundry list of exactly what not to do when you find out your child is addicted to opiates. Everything they do, from being overly controlling

by mnm1 10y ago

This reads like a laundry list of exactly what not to do when you find out your child is addicted to opiates. Everything they do, from being overly controlling to kicking her out and pressing charges against her, is a self-righteous act and harms her greatly. At one point, I thought I was reading a scene cut from Trainspotting for being too mundane. The naivety about the legal and health systems is also appalling. These are people who claim the ability to function in the world, yet they don't know the most basic things about the world they claim the ability to function in. I think towards the end, the mother actually starts to get a glimpse of the reality of what is going on with her daughter and is more compassionate by letting her live in their house again. I hope their daughter recovers and other parents heed this story as to what not to do to their sick children.

tjohns 10y ago
Out of curiosity, what would you do instead? From person experience with a family member who had a severe case of alcoholism (and eventually died from it)... there's very little you can do to help somebody if they don't want to quit. After a while these behaviors start to negatively affect everyone else in the household, too. (Also, keep in mind we're actually talking about an adult here... since they're old enough to join the military.)
- billjings 10y ago
  The cardinal error in "helping" addicts is to try and fix the addict's problems for them. As you said, that's impossible. Even being available to provide support rarely makes any sense, because addicts try to divest themselves of their problems instead of solving them — so they might ask you for help on something they could do themselves, or on something they think you could fix but actually can't (e.g. "Can you keep an eye on how much I drink tonight?" This just pits my will against yours.) Detoxing, preventing withdrawal symptoms, transportation — addicts often can't provide these things for themselves, so if asked, they're good ways to help out. But addicts have to choose themselves to stay on a path that leads away from that addiction. That will be the case even if that path ends up being as simple as a pill you can take.
- Symbiote 10y ago
  It says "five years ago, when she was 18". So it's not relevant, but you can join the British Army at age 16, though it's controversial: https://www.child-soldiers.org/uk https://www.child-soldiers.org/uk
cortesoft 10y ago
"These are people who claim the ability to function in the world, yet they don't know the most basic things about the world they claim the ability to function in." I have no idea where you see them 'claim to be able to function in the world'. They didn't make that claim, they are just people doing the best they can in the world. Yes, they clearly don't know how to deal with a drug addicted daughter, but we all have things that we don't know how to deal with. You might know how to deal with addiction, so you find it incredulous that these parents don't. I am sure, however, there is some situation that you don't know how to deal with, and there are certainly some people who would find it incredulous that you don't know how to deal with that part.
- mnm1 10y ago
  They're the ones who took her to court and were surprised when the authorities left her sick after she was convicted. What did they expect? Roses and an all expense paid trip to rehab? All they had to do was to be decent parents to her. There's no trick to dealing with addiction. Just don't be a shitty person to the people who are suffering. Don't kick out your own children when they need you most. The mother starts to realize this towards the end, but her actions towards her daughter are absolutely shitty and should not be excused.
- klibertp 10y ago
  > They didn't make that claim, they are just people doing the best they can in the world. It's not enough. The people here were trying to "do their best." In direct and immediately visible effect of their "best intentioned" actions, their daughter was harmed much worse than she would be had they known what to do. There's a famous novella from the late 19th century where a village girl catches a cold. She's then packed into a bread furnace for some time, to make her "sweat the illness out," by her very own parents. The girl dies, of course, burned to death, the end. The parents in TFA did exactly the same thing. They ended up not killing their daughter by sheer luck, but they still harmed her greatly. Do you really think they should be absolved of their fault because they "meant well?" Or is their fault any lesser just because they "didn't know?" No. Sorry, but no. They could have known. They could have educated themselves. They could have used contraceptives in the first place. They could have prevented the tragedy, yet they didn't. It. Is. Their. Fault. Period. However, the mother refuses to acknowledge even that much, to the very end. I have my opinion about such behavior, and it's not favorable one.

by mnm1 10y ago

tjohns 10y ago

Out of curiosity, what would you do instead? From person experience with a family member who had a severe case of alcoholism (and eventually died from it)... there's very little you can do to help somebody if they don't want to quit. After a while these behaviors start to negatively affect everyone else in the household, too. (Also, keep in mind we're actually talking about an adult here... since they're old enough to join the military.)

billjings 10y ago
The cardinal error in "helping" addicts is to try and fix the addict's problems for them. As you said, that's impossible. Even being available to provide support rarely makes any sense, because addicts try to divest themselves of their problems instead of solving them — so they might ask you for help on something they could do themselves, or on something they think you could fix but actually can't (e.g. "Can you keep an eye on how much I drink tonight?" This just pits my will against yours.) Detoxing, preventing withdrawal symptoms, transportation — addicts often can't provide these things for themselves, so if asked, they're good ways to help out. But addicts have to choose themselves to stay on a path that leads away from that addiction. That will be the case even if that path ends up being as simple as a pill you can take.
Symbiote 10y ago
It says "five years ago, when she was 18". So it's not relevant, but you can join the British Army at age 16, though it's controversial: https://www.child-soldiers.org/uk https://www.child-soldiers.org/uk

cortesoft 10y ago

"These are people who claim the ability to function in the world, yet they don't know the most basic things about the world they claim the ability to function in." I have no idea where you see them 'claim to be able to function in the world'. They didn't make that claim, they are just people doing the best they can in the world. Yes, they clearly don't know how to deal with a drug addicted daughter, but we all have things that we don't know how to deal with. You might know how to deal with addiction, so you find it incredulous that these parents don't. I am sure, however, there is some situation that you don't know how to deal with, and there are certainly some people who would find it incredulous that you don't know how to deal with that part.

mnm1 10y ago
They're the ones who took her to court and were surprised when the authorities left her sick after she was convicted. What did they expect? Roses and an all expense paid trip to rehab? All they had to do was to be decent parents to her. There's no trick to dealing with addiction. Just don't be a shitty person to the people who are suffering. Don't kick out your own children when they need you most. The mother starts to realize this towards the end, but her actions towards her daughter are absolutely shitty and should not be excused.
klibertp 10y ago
> They didn't make that claim, they are just people doing the best they can in the world. It's not enough. The people here were trying to "do their best." In direct and immediately visible effect of their "best intentioned" actions, their daughter was harmed much worse than she would be had they known what to do. There's a famous novella from the late 19th century where a village girl catches a cold. She's then packed into a bread furnace for some time, to make her "sweat the illness out," by her very own parents. The girl dies, of course, burned to death, the end. The parents in TFA did exactly the same thing. They ended up not killing their daughter by sheer luck, but they still harmed her greatly. Do you really think they should be absolved of their fault because they "meant well?" Or is their fault any lesser just because they "didn't know?" No. Sorry, but no. They could have known. They could have educated themselves. They could have used contraceptives in the first place. They could have prevented the tragedy, yet they didn't. It. Is. Their. Fault. Period. However, the mother refuses to acknowledge even that much, to the very end. I have my opinion about such behavior, and it's not favorable one.