14 ms·

Honestly, I was really surprised how little of it is new knowledge. That's not criticism, but maybe the realization that there isn't much more knowledge to gai

by erikb 10y ago

Honestly, I was really surprised how little of it is new knowledge. That's not criticism, but maybe the realization that there isn't much more knowledge to gain about friendships, if science knows exactly the same stuff as someone who is in a totally different department. I think maybe it becomes interesting when combined with other relationships like colleagues. If you spend the prime time of your day with someone for 10 years, you also expect them to be dependable to some degree. However in a mostly formal relationship people can get quite surprised about how little they actually can count on their coworkers when sh*t hits the fan. And at the same time many people may spend more time, energy and money into their coworkers than into their dependable friends.

matt4077 10y ago
I've read that "friends are the new families", taking on roles that were traditionally reserved for families such as lending money or sharing the burdens of childcare.
- erikb 10y ago
  In which area of this planet? I wish friends and I would support each other in final struggles, but it's a huge taboo in my country in central Europe.
  - e1g 10y ago
    Living Australia, I had seen money change owners among friends literally dozens of times. Not huge sums ($500-$3,000), but big enough to matter in mid-20s. It felt normal at the time, though in retrospect I can see that most of our families were poor and we had nowhere else to turn save for other young professionals. I'm not sure if that was due to co-dependence or friendship, nor if there is much difference between the two.
  - tasuki 10y ago
    "a huge taboo in my country in central Europe" ... I wonder which country that is. I'm Czech, currently spending lots of time in Poland, acquianted with Slovak and Hungarian culture, and haven't seen this being a "huge taboo".
    - erikb 10y ago
      For me Central Europe is Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourgh, Germany, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, Austria, and maybe I may add Italy or Denmark. All the countries you mention I would call Eastern Europe, and from my Eastern European friends I hear the same opennness about money and friends. Just out of curiousity. If you call these countries Central Europe, what's Eastern Europe for you? (I'm aware that there's more than one truth to most of these vague terms)
      - Blackstone4 10y ago
        Those countries are conventionally considered part of Western Europe in countries such as the US, France and the UK
        ido 10y ago
        At least the German speaking countries explicitly call themselves Zentraleuropa (Central Europe) in German: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitteleuropa https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitteleuropa
      - tasuki 10y ago
        I thought "central Europe" was mostly a label used in some post-communistic countries to feel less Eastern. This "central Europe" thing is very funny indeed. I've lived in the Netherlands - they think of themselves as "Western Europe". In the UK everyone knows Europe is split into West and East by the Iron curtain. For me as a Czech, Eastern Europe is everything East of Slovakia - Ukraine, Romania, Belarus. But try asking a Romanian - they'll tell you Romania is Central Europe! When you ask them what is Eastern Europe then, you'll learn it's Ukraine and Russia.
        oblio 10y ago
        The thing is, Europe is has a lot of countries. Except for the Eastern part, where Russia covers 1/3 of the continent. Geographically it would make sense to consider Romania as a part of Central Europe, however culturally or geopolitically few Romanians would disagree that Romania is part of Eastern Europe. Even our manuals say that Romania is part of South-Eastern Europe ;)
  - Onewildgamer 10y ago
    From India here, lending money to friends in times of urgency is quite common and is not considered as a taboo. In fact, some of my friends jumped to help me in need. Also I feel it considerably strengthens the friendship.
    - zeroer 10y ago
      Is it really that common for people in India to live so close to the edge without savings that they regularly need help? I know my friends and I (in the US) all have buffers of at minimum a few months of expenses. I guess it's not inconceivable that someone might have an emergency that requires more, but that would end up being a rather substantial of money. In my friend circle, I've never heard of someone borrowing money.
      - ehnto 10y ago
        That honestly surprises me. I cannot say the same for people in Australia, a similar culture to the US. I think you might be surprised how many people outside of your friendship circle are actually living paycheck to paycheck. It is a smart thing to try and have though.
      - geodel 10y ago
        Seems you are not much aware of outside the relatively well off friends' circle. Here is how precarious financial conditions for lot of americans is [1]. Key Quote: "47 percent of respondents said that either they would cover the expense by borrowing or selling something, or they would not be able to come up with the $400 at all." On the other hand in India it would be very obvious to borrow money considering around 80% of population live on couple of dollars a day. 1. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secr...
      - ido 10y ago
        It may help to remember that the average yearly wage in India is about $3000[1]. [1] https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-average-annual-salary-in-India/answer/Praveen-Venkiteswara-Annu https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-average-annual-salary-in-I...
  - michaelt 10y ago
    There's a reason giving nontrivial loans to friends is taboo. I've only had a few friends come to me for $500+ loans. All had already hit their family up for as much money as they could, maxed out their credit cards and overdraft, and were behind on their rent. Needless to say, I didn't think they would pay me back - or that my money would fix their financial troubles.
    - pm90 10y ago
      To be fair though, there is a difference b/w helping a friend in need of liquid capital (e.g down payment on a car) and lending money to a chronically financially irresponsible person.
  - ido 10y ago
    We live in Germany (Berlin) & received (and will render if needed) amazing support from friends at times of need.
    - erikb 10y ago
      Then my first guess is you're expats in Berlin? ;-)
      - ido 10y ago
        Yes but a lot of the people who helped us are Germans.
        erikb 10y ago
        Yup, Germans give happily money to other people. But Germans don't like to ask for this.
  - ionised 10y ago
    Me and my closest friends (about 4 or 5 people) do all the time. Never had an issue. There are a lot of 'mates' that I wouldn't lend a penny to though.
- pm90 10y ago
  I don't know about the last part since I haven't reached that stage, but I absolutely agree with this. And this perhaps holds more true when the generational gap is too much. e.g. young people with different ideologies from their parents tend to place a lot more emphasis on their friendships than their familial ties. Ultimately though, its all about what works best. Friendships and family is great only when the relationships are open-minded, non-judgemental, share understanding and such. It is much easier for me to express my happiness and frustrations to my friends than to my mother. But I do have friends who will talk to their parents every day and that seems to work fine for them. Personally, I don't think it is inherently bad that this happens. Relying exclusively on familial and patrimonial ties for socializing is incredibly limiting.

by erikb 10y ago

matt4077 10y ago

I've read that "friends are the new families", taking on roles that were traditionally reserved for families such as lending money or sharing the burdens of childcare.

erikb 10y ago
In which area of this planet? I wish friends and I would support each other in final struggles, but it's a huge taboo in my country in central Europe.
- e1g 10y ago
  Living Australia, I had seen money change owners among friends literally dozens of times. Not huge sums ($500-$3,000), but big enough to matter in mid-20s. It felt normal at the time, though in retrospect I can see that most of our families were poor and we had nowhere else to turn save for other young professionals. I'm not sure if that was due to co-dependence or friendship, nor if there is much difference between the two.
- tasuki 10y ago
  "a huge taboo in my country in central Europe" ... I wonder which country that is. I'm Czech, currently spending lots of time in Poland, acquianted with Slovak and Hungarian culture, and haven't seen this being a "huge taboo".
  - erikb 10y ago
    For me Central Europe is Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourgh, Germany, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, Austria, and maybe I may add Italy or Denmark. All the countries you mention I would call Eastern Europe, and from my Eastern European friends I hear the same opennness about money and friends. Just out of curiousity. If you call these countries Central Europe, what's Eastern Europe for you? (I'm aware that there's more than one truth to most of these vague terms)
    - Blackstone4 10y ago
      Those countries are conventionally considered part of Western Europe in countries such as the US, France and the UK
      - ido 10y ago
        At least the German speaking countries explicitly call themselves Zentraleuropa (Central Europe) in German: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitteleuropa https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitteleuropa
    - tasuki 10y ago
      I thought "central Europe" was mostly a label used in some post-communistic countries to feel less Eastern. This "central Europe" thing is very funny indeed. I've lived in the Netherlands - they think of themselves as "Western Europe". In the UK everyone knows Europe is split into West and East by the Iron curtain. For me as a Czech, Eastern Europe is everything East of Slovakia - Ukraine, Romania, Belarus. But try asking a Romanian - they'll tell you Romania is Central Europe! When you ask them what is Eastern Europe then, you'll learn it's Ukraine and Russia.
      - oblio 10y ago
        The thing is, Europe is has a lot of countries. Except for the Eastern part, where Russia covers 1/3 of the continent. Geographically it would make sense to consider Romania as a part of Central Europe, however culturally or geopolitically few Romanians would disagree that Romania is part of Eastern Europe. Even our manuals say that Romania is part of South-Eastern Europe ;)
- Onewildgamer 10y ago
  From India here, lending money to friends in times of urgency is quite common and is not considered as a taboo. In fact, some of my friends jumped to help me in need. Also I feel it considerably strengthens the friendship.
  - zeroer 10y ago
    Is it really that common for people in India to live so close to the edge without savings that they regularly need help? I know my friends and I (in the US) all have buffers of at minimum a few months of expenses. I guess it's not inconceivable that someone might have an emergency that requires more, but that would end up being a rather substantial of money. In my friend circle, I've never heard of someone borrowing money.
    - ehnto 10y ago
      That honestly surprises me. I cannot say the same for people in Australia, a similar culture to the US. I think you might be surprised how many people outside of your friendship circle are actually living paycheck to paycheck. It is a smart thing to try and have though.
    - geodel 10y ago
      Seems you are not much aware of outside the relatively well off friends' circle. Here is how precarious financial conditions for lot of americans is [1]. Key Quote: "47 percent of respondents said that either they would cover the expense by borrowing or selling something, or they would not be able to come up with the $400 at all." On the other hand in India it would be very obvious to borrow money considering around 80% of population live on couple of dollars a day. 1. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secr...
    - ido 10y ago
      It may help to remember that the average yearly wage in India is about $3000[1]. [1] https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-average-annual-salary-in-India/answer/Praveen-Venkiteswara-Annu https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-average-annual-salary-in-I...
- michaelt 10y ago
  There's a reason giving nontrivial loans to friends is taboo. I've only had a few friends come to me for $500+ loans. All had already hit their family up for as much money as they could, maxed out their credit cards and overdraft, and were behind on their rent. Needless to say, I didn't think they would pay me back - or that my money would fix their financial troubles.
  - pm90 10y ago
    To be fair though, there is a difference b/w helping a friend in need of liquid capital (e.g down payment on a car) and lending money to a chronically financially irresponsible person.
- ido 10y ago
  We live in Germany (Berlin) & received (and will render if needed) amazing support from friends at times of need.
  - erikb 10y ago
    Then my first guess is you're expats in Berlin? ;-)
    - ido 10y ago
      Yes but a lot of the people who helped us are Germans.
      - erikb 10y ago
        Yup, Germans give happily money to other people. But Germans don't like to ask for this.
- ionised 10y ago
  Me and my closest friends (about 4 or 5 people) do all the time. Never had an issue. There are a lot of 'mates' that I wouldn't lend a penny to though.
pm90 10y ago
I don't know about the last part since I haven't reached that stage, but I absolutely agree with this. And this perhaps holds more true when the generational gap is too much. e.g. young people with different ideologies from their parents tend to place a lot more emphasis on their friendships than their familial ties. Ultimately though, its all about what works best. Friendships and family is great only when the relationships are open-minded, non-judgemental, share understanding and such. It is much easier for me to express my happiness and frustrations to my friends than to my mother. But I do have friends who will talk to their parents every day and that seems to work fine for them. Personally, I don't think it is inherently bad that this happens. Relying exclusively on familial and patrimonial ties for socializing is incredibly limiting.