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I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. What I miss most was the "deep thinking" mode that I used to get into, when you t

I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. What I miss most was the "deep thinking" mode that I used to get into, when you think about a problem for days on end, and solutions and ideas start popping in your head while you're in the proverbial shower. This rarely happens to me nowadays - the life I have outside of work scrubs my mind clean like a metal brush the second I step into my home. Especially over weekends. I frequently joke about it, but there's more than a grain of truth to it - on Monday mornings I try to remember what was it that I'm working on. I still think I made the right decision, mind you. I believe having kids and taking care of them is the right thing to do, and will be the most important thing I've done with my life in 10-20 years when a successfully delivered build or a Metacritic point here or there wouldn't mean shit. I just don't want to fool myself or anyone else that my job performance hasn't suffered.

oddlyaromatic 10y ago
>I just don't want to fool myself or anyone else that my job performance hasn't suffered. I think you have prioritized correctly. There can be beautiful periods in life when your passion, discretionary time, and energy (physical and mental) are all coherent with the content of your job and you are highly productive and feel awesome. These times are wonderful and should be appreciated, but they can't last forever. I have had those times, and I've had times where I felt I was really letting stuff slide at work and playing catch up all the time. These days I seldom feel like I'm giving my employers the full 100% of what I am capable of on my best day... maybe I only feel like I'm giving 50-60% of that most days. But if you are a diligent enough person to care/worry about your own productivity and contribution to the company ... you are probably STILL more valuable than many people who come in aiming to do only the minimum needed to keep their job. >on Monday mornings I try to remember what was it that I'm working on. This is so freaking healthy. I love it. Don't feel bad.
duderific 10y ago
> I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. I'm not sure if I'm significantly worse in my job since I've had kids (I have a two and a half year old boy), but what I'm not able to do is keep up with "the kids" who get to work at 8:30 AM and leave at 7:00 PM, because they're young and single and no one is waiting at home for them. I try to leave at 5:45 PM so I can get home in time to help out with dinner and putting him to bed. So many folks I work with get home after their kids go to bed. I just don't want to miss all that time with my son. It's definitely affecting how I'm perceived at work, because I'm seen as not as "dedicated" as the folks who stay at work till all hours and are online late at night at home. It's constantly striking a balance between the demands at home and the demands at work.
- magic_beans 10y ago
  My workplace is probably half parents/new parents (late-twenties and thirties) and half single people. All the parents come in a little later and leave a little early. Not one of them is judged for it. Not all workplaces are so toxic.

oddlyaromatic 10y ago

>I just don't want to fool myself or anyone else that my job performance hasn't suffered. I think you have prioritized correctly. There can be beautiful periods in life when your passion, discretionary time, and energy (physical and mental) are all coherent with the content of your job and you are highly productive and feel awesome. These times are wonderful and should be appreciated, but they can't last forever. I have had those times, and I've had times where I felt I was really letting stuff slide at work and playing catch up all the time. These days I seldom feel like I'm giving my employers the full 100% of what I am capable of on my best day... maybe I only feel like I'm giving 50-60% of that most days. But if you are a diligent enough person to care/worry about your own productivity and contribution to the company ... you are probably STILL more valuable than many people who come in aiming to do only the minimum needed to keep their job. >on Monday mornings I try to remember what was it that I'm working on. This is so freaking healthy. I love it. Don't feel bad.

duderific 10y ago

> I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. I'm not sure if I'm significantly worse in my job since I've had kids (I have a two and a half year old boy), but what I'm not able to do is keep up with "the kids" who get to work at 8:30 AM and leave at 7:00 PM, because they're young and single and no one is waiting at home for them. I try to leave at 5:45 PM so I can get home in time to help out with dinner and putting him to bed. So many folks I work with get home after their kids go to bed. I just don't want to miss all that time with my son. It's definitely affecting how I'm perceived at work, because I'm seen as not as "dedicated" as the folks who stay at work till all hours and are online late at night at home. It's constantly striking a balance between the demands at home and the demands at work.

magic_beans 10y ago
My workplace is probably half parents/new parents (late-twenties and thirties) and half single people. All the parents come in a little later and leave a little early. Not one of them is judged for it. Not all workplaces are so toxic.