26 ms·

I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). What I'm going to say instead is that

by kosma 10y ago

I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets.

stagbeetle 10y ago
> What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. This is a common trait among mental illnesses and definitely makes it worse being alive. Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. > I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). My bad, I forgot some people tie-in their real lives. > It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets. Can you elaborate on these grim secrets?
- kosma 10y ago
  > Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. Yes, they date, and it can work out pretty well, as long as they both work through their personal issues (as most autistic people have a host of secondary mental health problems + knowledge deficits in terms of how relationships work). The lack of nonverbal communication pretty much cancels out in such relationship, and mutual understanding of one's peculiar personal preferences and limitations makes life much easier. This is, of course, assuming that both people are aware of their uncommon nature and willing to work on the relationship. > Can you elaborate on these grim secrets? Many forms of autism therapy (sic) end up making the child so obedient they don't know how to say say "no" (as the child was never given that option). While making life easier for parents and caretakers, such person becomes extremely gullible in adult life; for young women, this means consenting to all kinds of horrific abuse. The therapy programs too often avoid the issue of relationships and sex altogether or paint an unrealistic picture. I've heard autism professionals refer to sexual behaviors as "undesired"; I've seen those behaviors being suppressed and punished. I've seen parents make great effort to prevent an autistic person from even attempting to date someone of the opposite sex. I've seen psychologists supporting the parents' efforts. The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life.
  - stagbeetle 10y ago
    > The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life. It does look like that. Do you have any insight into how this situation could be remedied? I'm briefly acquainted with the autism rights movement, but I don't see anything about encouraging equality of life, only how expectations should be "redefined."
    - cbhl 10y ago
      I've always thought it would be nice to have online "relationship ed" resources, like "Go Ask Alice" for sex ed but instead for the more finicky bits.

by kosma 10y ago

stagbeetle 10y ago

> What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. This is a common trait among mental illnesses and definitely makes it worse being alive. Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. > I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). My bad, I forgot some people tie-in their real lives. > It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets. Can you elaborate on these grim secrets?

kosma 10y ago
> Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. Yes, they date, and it can work out pretty well, as long as they both work through their personal issues (as most autistic people have a host of secondary mental health problems + knowledge deficits in terms of how relationships work). The lack of nonverbal communication pretty much cancels out in such relationship, and mutual understanding of one's peculiar personal preferences and limitations makes life much easier. This is, of course, assuming that both people are aware of their uncommon nature and willing to work on the relationship. > Can you elaborate on these grim secrets? Many forms of autism therapy (sic) end up making the child so obedient they don't know how to say say "no" (as the child was never given that option). While making life easier for parents and caretakers, such person becomes extremely gullible in adult life; for young women, this means consenting to all kinds of horrific abuse. The therapy programs too often avoid the issue of relationships and sex altogether or paint an unrealistic picture. I've heard autism professionals refer to sexual behaviors as "undesired"; I've seen those behaviors being suppressed and punished. I've seen parents make great effort to prevent an autistic person from even attempting to date someone of the opposite sex. I've seen psychologists supporting the parents' efforts. The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life.
- stagbeetle 10y ago
  > The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life. It does look like that. Do you have any insight into how this situation could be remedied? I'm briefly acquainted with the autism rights movement, but I don't see anything about encouraging equality of life, only how expectations should be "redefined."
  - cbhl 10y ago
    I've always thought it would be nice to have online "relationship ed" resources, like "Go Ask Alice" for sex ed but instead for the more finicky bits.