4 ms·

Alcohol, drugs and sex on autism spectrum are still largely a taboo among mental health professionals, hence the lack of results. For many on the autism spectru

by kosma 10y ago

Alcohol, drugs and sex on autism spectrum are still largely a taboo among mental health professionals, hence the lack of results. For many on the autism spectrum, it works out just as the article says: > Many people with autism have a penchant for strictly following rules, which would seem to make them less likely to try alcohol or illegal drugs. For others, especially the higher-functioning, undiagnosed and too smart, alcohol, drugs and sex may become the means, end, and medicine. I'm speaking from personal experience.

stagbeetle 10y ago
> For others, especially the higher-functioning, undiagnosed and too smart, alcohol, drugs and sex may become the means, end, and medicine. How's your sex life? Is it an escorts thing or do you try for relationships?
- kosma 10y ago
  I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets.
  - stagbeetle 10y ago
    > What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. This is a common trait among mental illnesses and definitely makes it worse being alive. Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. > I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). My bad, I forgot some people tie-in their real lives. > It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets. Can you elaborate on these grim secrets?
    - kosma 10y ago
      > Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. Yes, they date, and it can work out pretty well, as long as they both work through their personal issues (as most autistic people have a host of secondary mental health problems + knowledge deficits in terms of how relationships work). The lack of nonverbal communication pretty much cancels out in such relationship, and mutual understanding of one's peculiar personal preferences and limitations makes life much easier. This is, of course, assuming that both people are aware of their uncommon nature and willing to work on the relationship. > Can you elaborate on these grim secrets? Many forms of autism therapy (sic) end up making the child so obedient they don't know how to say say "no" (as the child was never given that option). While making life easier for parents and caretakers, such person becomes extremely gullible in adult life; for young women, this means consenting to all kinds of horrific abuse. The therapy programs too often avoid the issue of relationships and sex altogether or paint an unrealistic picture. I've heard autism professionals refer to sexual behaviors as "undesired"; I've seen those behaviors being suppressed and punished. I've seen parents make great effort to prevent an autistic person from even attempting to date someone of the opposite sex. I've seen psychologists supporting the parents' efforts. The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life.
      - stagbeetle 10y ago
        > The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life. It does look like that. Do you have any insight into how this situation could be remedied? I'm briefly acquainted with the autism rights movement, but I don't see anything about encouraging equality of life, only how expectations should be "redefined."
        cbhl 10y ago
        I've always thought it would be nice to have online "relationship ed" resources, like "Go Ask Alice" for sex ed but instead for the more finicky bits.
- tuxxy 10y ago
  Hey, there! I'm on the spectrum (Aspergers), so take this as face value.. I've been in a relationship for almost one year now (my first serious one). I'm exceptionally independent and spend a lot of time to myself coding and working on projects. My sex life is... different, I think. I'm bisexual and so is my girlfriend. I think my sex drive is much lower than most people. I crave it occasionally (maybe, seriously, like once a month) and it feels more mechanical for me than emotional. I enjoy it and it's fun, but it feels like work a lot of the times. I'm very sexually open and sex positive, too. I'll answer more questions about my relationship, if wanted.
  - tuxxy 10y ago
    Forgot to mention that my SO and I tend to have sex once per week. She lives a little distance away and it just makes more sense to see each other on the weekends, in my opinion. It allows us to maintain our (awesome) relationship and keep our independence.
  - stagbeetle 10y ago
    Cool. I appreciate the frankness. How was the journey getting to this point in your life? I don't know if you have a reference for a neurotypical + neurotypical relationship, but if any, what accommodations have you had to make? For example: the way introverts have to make time for themselves and for their partner to understand and respect that.
    - tuxxy 10y ago
      My journey thus far? Well, I'm only 20. I have a full time job as a software engineer making a fairly high salary. (College dropouts ftw!) I'm about to buy my first house, too. Getting to this point in my life was fairly interesting. Lots of changes (from Mormon to agnostic, for example.) Some accommodations? Well, I guess I have to put off some side project time to spend time with my SO. Sometimes I really have to force myself to do it even though I really want to to work on one of my projects.
- mike_ivanov 10y ago
  FYI https://duckduckgo.com/?q=support+group+for+spouses+of+those+with+autism https://duckduckgo.com/?q=support+group+for+spouses+of+those... TL;DR wrt relationships - it can work, it is surely complicated.
NTripleOne 10y ago
>For others, especially the higher-functioning, undiagnosed and too smart, alcohol, drugs and sex may become the means, end, and medicine. I'm speaking from personal experience. Can confirm, I probably wouldn't be here had I not started smoking weed.

by kosma 10y ago

stagbeetle 10y ago

> For others, especially the higher-functioning, undiagnosed and too smart, alcohol, drugs and sex may become the means, end, and medicine. How's your sex life? Is it an escorts thing or do you try for relationships?

kosma 10y ago
I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets.
- stagbeetle 10y ago
  > What I'm going to say instead is that, from my observation, many men on the spectrum have problems getting into a relationship (and get publicly ridiculed when they try), while women are routinely emotionally and sexually abused. This is a common trait among mental illnesses and definitely makes it worse being alive. Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. > I'm not exactly comfortable talking about my sex life on a public forum (even though the answer is "completely ordinary"). My bad, I forgot some people tie-in their real lives. > It's a barely-researched topic that unfortunately holds some rather grim secrets. Can you elaborate on these grim secrets?
  - kosma 10y ago
    > Do you know if those on the autistic spectrum ever date within themselves and how it works out? I know for others diseases, it can turn into a nightmare (only if both haven't developed coping techniques), though not always. Yes, they date, and it can work out pretty well, as long as they both work through their personal issues (as most autistic people have a host of secondary mental health problems + knowledge deficits in terms of how relationships work). The lack of nonverbal communication pretty much cancels out in such relationship, and mutual understanding of one's peculiar personal preferences and limitations makes life much easier. This is, of course, assuming that both people are aware of their uncommon nature and willing to work on the relationship. > Can you elaborate on these grim secrets? Many forms of autism therapy (sic) end up making the child so obedient they don't know how to say say "no" (as the child was never given that option). While making life easier for parents and caretakers, such person becomes extremely gullible in adult life; for young women, this means consenting to all kinds of horrific abuse. The therapy programs too often avoid the issue of relationships and sex altogether or paint an unrealistic picture. I've heard autism professionals refer to sexual behaviors as "undesired"; I've seen those behaviors being suppressed and punished. I've seen parents make great effort to prevent an autistic person from even attempting to date someone of the opposite sex. I've seen psychologists supporting the parents' efforts. The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life.
    - stagbeetle 10y ago
      > The net effect looked more like trying to prevent a dog from breeding than teaching a person how to live an independent, fulfilling life. It does look like that. Do you have any insight into how this situation could be remedied? I'm briefly acquainted with the autism rights movement, but I don't see anything about encouraging equality of life, only how expectations should be "redefined."
      - cbhl 10y ago
        I've always thought it would be nice to have online "relationship ed" resources, like "Go Ask Alice" for sex ed but instead for the more finicky bits.
tuxxy 10y ago
Hey, there! I'm on the spectrum (Aspergers), so take this as face value.. I've been in a relationship for almost one year now (my first serious one). I'm exceptionally independent and spend a lot of time to myself coding and working on projects. My sex life is... different, I think. I'm bisexual and so is my girlfriend. I think my sex drive is much lower than most people. I crave it occasionally (maybe, seriously, like once a month) and it feels more mechanical for me than emotional. I enjoy it and it's fun, but it feels like work a lot of the times. I'm very sexually open and sex positive, too. I'll answer more questions about my relationship, if wanted.
- tuxxy 10y ago
  Forgot to mention that my SO and I tend to have sex once per week. She lives a little distance away and it just makes more sense to see each other on the weekends, in my opinion. It allows us to maintain our (awesome) relationship and keep our independence.
- stagbeetle 10y ago
  Cool. I appreciate the frankness. How was the journey getting to this point in your life? I don't know if you have a reference for a neurotypical + neurotypical relationship, but if any, what accommodations have you had to make? For example: the way introverts have to make time for themselves and for their partner to understand and respect that.
  - tuxxy 10y ago
    My journey thus far? Well, I'm only 20. I have a full time job as a software engineer making a fairly high salary. (College dropouts ftw!) I'm about to buy my first house, too. Getting to this point in my life was fairly interesting. Lots of changes (from Mormon to agnostic, for example.) Some accommodations? Well, I guess I have to put off some side project time to spend time with my SO. Sometimes I really have to force myself to do it even though I really want to to work on one of my projects.
mike_ivanov 10y ago
FYI https://duckduckgo.com/?q=support+group+for+spouses+of+those+with+autism https://duckduckgo.com/?q=support+group+for+spouses+of+those... TL;DR wrt relationships - it can work, it is surely complicated.

NTripleOne 10y ago

>For others, especially the higher-functioning, undiagnosed and too smart, alcohol, drugs and sex may become the means, end, and medicine. I'm speaking from personal experience. Can confirm, I probably wouldn't be here had I not started smoking weed.