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I think this is a hard balance for a lot of people. It certainly is for me. If I really think about it, all I have is this moment, right now. The past is just

by finkin1 10y ago

I think this is a hard balance for a lot of people. It certainly is for me. If I really think about it, all I have is this moment, right now. The past is just an idea arising in my mind in this moment, and so is the future. Yet, the future I want often depends on making sacrifices in the moment. Clearly, saving all my money and never doing anything fun isn't the answer, and neither is being high on drugs 24/7. The answer to 'living the good life' must be somewhere in the middle, but where exactly? The balance of 'actual experience' (e.g. sitting on a beach getting wasted) vs 'remembered experience' (e.g. hitting up museums and experiencing culture) seems hard to navigate. I feel like I can't really trust my feeling/intuition here, because my brain is bad at correctly predicting what will actually make me happy. There needs to be some principle I can defer to, but I don't know what that would be. I'm curious how other people navigate these murky waters.

jvreagan 10y ago
I've always thought of it this way (since my 20s or so): 1. If I died today, would I have any regrets? 2. If I live to be 100+, would I be a burden on society? I make decisions with the goal of being able to answer no to both of those questions. I'm in my mid 40s. I don't always get it right, but I feel the thought exercise is very helpful.
- wry_discontent 10y ago
  I don't think it's a good idea not to have regrets. Maybe your definition of regret is different than mine. I value my regrets tremendously. One cannot learn and grow without making mistakes, and there's no reason, as far as I can tell, to suspect that regrets aren't a zero sum game. If you do thing A, then you've lost the time/money/opportunity to do thing B.
  - voidhorse 10y ago
    Great point. I always remind myself of an LCD Soundsystem lyric every now and then: "I wouldn't trade one stupid decision for another five years of life"
  - mynameisvlad 10y ago
    I consider a "regret" something that I would actively go back in time to change. As of now (25), I would say I have none. Now, that doesn't mean I haven't experienced mistakes, learned from them, and grown as a person. It's just by the time the latter two happen, I no longer would want to go back in time to change what had originally happened because it's defined me so integrally as a person. A great example for me is high school, which objectively sucked. At the time, I had a million regrets but over the years, I learned a lot from them and turned parts of my life 180 degrees around in university based on the things I learned in high school. When someone asks me if I would go back and change anything from high school, my reply has been a flat "no" for a few years now.
    - jaxn 10y ago
      This is a great comment and shouldn't be downvoted.
    - Broken_Hippo 10y ago
      I look at it quite simlarly, and I'm 38. It isn't that I don't wish I had done things differently, it is that I did the best I could at the time. I learned things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. Some of this is things like dealing with my ex, after a suicide attempt and major mental health diagnosis. But alternatively, I fully like my life. Had I taken a different path, I might not have this life. (I might be happy with whatever I wound up with, but I'm happy I'm where I am).
      - mynameisvlad 10y ago
        > But alternatively, I fully like my life. Had I taken a different path, I might not have this life. This is exactly what it is. I'm sure that, had things gone differently, it would have all worked out in the end, but life is all about happenstances. If a certain chain of events hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends, or gotten the jobs I've gotten, and I value what I have today tremendously.
nugator 10y ago
For me my children are everything. They will be the only ones (hopefully) living in about 60 years remembering me. Spending time with them while having a good time seems like a good investment. Making them good people with lots of love to give to others is my life goal. Giving love and knowledge to others is my second.
deleted 10y ago
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by finkin1 10y ago

jvreagan 10y ago

I've always thought of it this way (since my 20s or so): 1. If I died today, would I have any regrets? 2. If I live to be 100+, would I be a burden on society? I make decisions with the goal of being able to answer no to both of those questions. I'm in my mid 40s. I don't always get it right, but I feel the thought exercise is very helpful.

wry_discontent 10y ago
I don't think it's a good idea not to have regrets. Maybe your definition of regret is different than mine. I value my regrets tremendously. One cannot learn and grow without making mistakes, and there's no reason, as far as I can tell, to suspect that regrets aren't a zero sum game. If you do thing A, then you've lost the time/money/opportunity to do thing B.
- voidhorse 10y ago
  Great point. I always remind myself of an LCD Soundsystem lyric every now and then: "I wouldn't trade one stupid decision for another five years of life"
- mynameisvlad 10y ago
  I consider a "regret" something that I would actively go back in time to change. As of now (25), I would say I have none. Now, that doesn't mean I haven't experienced mistakes, learned from them, and grown as a person. It's just by the time the latter two happen, I no longer would want to go back in time to change what had originally happened because it's defined me so integrally as a person. A great example for me is high school, which objectively sucked. At the time, I had a million regrets but over the years, I learned a lot from them and turned parts of my life 180 degrees around in university based on the things I learned in high school. When someone asks me if I would go back and change anything from high school, my reply has been a flat "no" for a few years now.
  - jaxn 10y ago
    This is a great comment and shouldn't be downvoted.
  - Broken_Hippo 10y ago
    I look at it quite simlarly, and I'm 38. It isn't that I don't wish I had done things differently, it is that I did the best I could at the time. I learned things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. Some of this is things like dealing with my ex, after a suicide attempt and major mental health diagnosis. But alternatively, I fully like my life. Had I taken a different path, I might not have this life. (I might be happy with whatever I wound up with, but I'm happy I'm where I am).
    - mynameisvlad 10y ago
      > But alternatively, I fully like my life. Had I taken a different path, I might not have this life. This is exactly what it is. I'm sure that, had things gone differently, it would have all worked out in the end, but life is all about happenstances. If a certain chain of events hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends, or gotten the jobs I've gotten, and I value what I have today tremendously.

nugator 10y ago

For me my children are everything. They will be the only ones (hopefully) living in about 60 years remembering me. Spending time with them while having a good time seems like a good investment. Making them good people with lots of love to give to others is my life goal. Giving love and knowledge to others is my second.

deleted 10y ago

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