Sounds tricky. I would recommended you look into Stoicism: Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Boethius, etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't keep seeking somethi

Sounds tricky. I would recommended you look into Stoicism: Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Boethius, etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't keep seeking something, but the aforementioned might help you to decouple your happiness from it.