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Does anyone else read "counterfactual regret" and think "well that pretty much sums up most of why I'm ever anxious"?

• TeMPOraL 10y ago
  Yeah. That's the reason I actually clicked on the link.
• GlennS 10y ago
  Maybe you could try the learning program's approach? Think about the memory that triggers regret/shame, then decide whether and what you should do differently in the future to make better decisions in similar situations. After that, maybe you you can look back on the event as a "lesson well learned" instead of "ohmygodohmygodohmygod that's so embarassing I can't believe I did that I'll never open my stupid mouth again". (No idea if this actually works.)
  • meesterdude 10y ago
    well, its healthy to reflect on our past and try to do better in the future; it is not so to reflect on our past and use it as a means to punish us in the now or in the future. The trouble stems from thinking you should have done something, and did not, and that you are somehow infallible. In truth, there are a lot of things one COULD do, but few are absolute SHOULD's. My cat died very recently - and I've been working through the thinkings of if I could have been a better owner, if I reciprocated his unwavering love enough, if I could have caught his sickness sooner, if I was "good enough" and so on. And yes. There ARE things I could have done differently. But I'm also a human being, and am not a saintly creature without fault or error or oversight. So to expect this ideal from myself in response to what I see as a faultless cat, is cruel punishment to dispense to oneself.
    • mkaziz 10y ago
      Oh man, tough luck on losing your cat. My baby's reaching 4 and I can't imagine being without her. Best wishes to you.