5 ms·

Who knows how to make love stay? “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relat

by pook 16y ago

Who knows how to make love stay? “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” -- Tom Robbins, "Still Life With Woodpecker"

andywood 16y ago
For me, the harder problem is finding a partner who will not detract from my substantial existing fulfillment.
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
- sukuriant 16y ago
  How do you mean, exactly?
  - sliverstorm 16y ago
    my guess: (s)he loves <cars>, but all the (wo)men (s)he dates hates <cars> and if (s)he married that (wo)man (s)he'd have to give up <cars>. Replace <cars> with the tag of your choice :) (^ one of the biggest crimes of political correctness: making everything so damn hard to read and full of strange punctuation!) Either that, or (s)he is typically extremely busy with very fulfilling things, and is looking for either a similar partner or a partner who is simply unusually low maintenance.
    - MrFoof 16y ago
      I've run into that dating. The conversation was along the lines of... "So, it's paid off since I bought it with cash. The insurance is cheaper than an economy car. The parts are as cheap as economy cars, save for wear parts. It actually gets pretty decent mileage to boot. Why would I have to get rid of it?" "You just would, that's why!" I had hung out with her for two weeks and apparently her idea of a happy marriage was giving up everything I have, selling all my furniture (despite the fact my apartment has won AWARDS), and buying whatever she fancied - presumably an over-sized home not within walking distance of anything, that'll be a maintenance nightmare after 20 or 30 years, and a crossover. I'm all for compromise, but some gals demand total capitulation instead.
      - sliverstorm 16y ago
        > apparently her idea of a happy marriage was giving up everything I have, selling all my furniture, and buying whatever she fancied Of course! That's how it works. You're just there to provide her money and status, nothing else. [/sarcastic frustration with some women]
      - georgieporgie 16y ago
        > despite the fact my apartment has won AWARDS Okay, seriously, how do you win awards for an apartment? That's got to be an impressively flexible come-back for an awful lot of relationship-related comments.
        roel_v 16y ago
        I'm interested as well, and also in seeing pictures - no award-winning goes without pictures so there have to be some.
      - deleted 16y ago
        [deleted]
    - andywood 16y ago
      Your last sentence comes pretty close. I have several passionate 'hobbies' that are each rather time-consuming, let alone all put together. I can't imagine even continuing a conversation with a woman after she'd suggested I give something up that I considered a part of me (and of course, in turn, I would pay her exactly the same respect). She would have to harmonize with who I am and what I do; but between two people with two sets of motives it is much easier to introduce dissonance. So in my case it is not about completion or finding happiness, it is simply about finding a pairing that adds more to both people's existing lives than it subtracts. You're probably right that she'd have to have a similarly driven independence and be unusually low maintenance. Tall order, I know, but unless the terms make both people better, I can't strike the bargain :)
namin 16y ago
Great quote. Made me curious about the author.
- aaronblohowiak 16y ago
  Tom Robbins is funny, quirky and occasionally drops nuggets like this. He is one of the few fiction authors that I recommend.
  - ramidarigaz 16y ago
    Fierce Invalids is one of my favorite books of all time. I laughed 'til I cried at several points.
    - namin 16y ago
      Thanks for sharing. I am trying the Kindle sample, now.

by pook 16y ago

andywood 16y ago

For me, the harder problem is finding a partner who will not detract from my substantial existing fulfillment.

deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
sukuriant 16y ago
How do you mean, exactly?
- sliverstorm 16y ago
  my guess: (s)he loves <cars>, but all the (wo)men (s)he dates hates <cars> and if (s)he married that (wo)man (s)he'd have to give up <cars>. Replace <cars> with the tag of your choice :) (^ one of the biggest crimes of political correctness: making everything so damn hard to read and full of strange punctuation!) Either that, or (s)he is typically extremely busy with very fulfilling things, and is looking for either a similar partner or a partner who is simply unusually low maintenance.
  - MrFoof 16y ago
    I've run into that dating. The conversation was along the lines of... "So, it's paid off since I bought it with cash. The insurance is cheaper than an economy car. The parts are as cheap as economy cars, save for wear parts. It actually gets pretty decent mileage to boot. Why would I have to get rid of it?" "You just would, that's why!" I had hung out with her for two weeks and apparently her idea of a happy marriage was giving up everything I have, selling all my furniture (despite the fact my apartment has won AWARDS), and buying whatever she fancied - presumably an over-sized home not within walking distance of anything, that'll be a maintenance nightmare after 20 or 30 years, and a crossover. I'm all for compromise, but some gals demand total capitulation instead.
    - sliverstorm 16y ago
      > apparently her idea of a happy marriage was giving up everything I have, selling all my furniture, and buying whatever she fancied Of course! That's how it works. You're just there to provide her money and status, nothing else. [/sarcastic frustration with some women]
    - georgieporgie 16y ago
      > despite the fact my apartment has won AWARDS Okay, seriously, how do you win awards for an apartment? That's got to be an impressively flexible come-back for an awful lot of relationship-related comments.
      - roel_v 16y ago
        I'm interested as well, and also in seeing pictures - no award-winning goes without pictures so there have to be some.
    - deleted 16y ago
      [deleted]
  - andywood 16y ago
    Your last sentence comes pretty close. I have several passionate 'hobbies' that are each rather time-consuming, let alone all put together. I can't imagine even continuing a conversation with a woman after she'd suggested I give something up that I considered a part of me (and of course, in turn, I would pay her exactly the same respect). She would have to harmonize with who I am and what I do; but between two people with two sets of motives it is much easier to introduce dissonance. So in my case it is not about completion or finding happiness, it is simply about finding a pairing that adds more to both people's existing lives than it subtracts. You're probably right that she'd have to have a similarly driven independence and be unusually low maintenance. Tall order, I know, but unless the terms make both people better, I can't strike the bargain :)

namin 16y ago

Great quote. Made me curious about the author.

aaronblohowiak 16y ago
Tom Robbins is funny, quirky and occasionally drops nuggets like this. He is one of the few fiction authors that I recommend.
- ramidarigaz 16y ago
  Fierce Invalids is one of my favorite books of all time. I laughed 'til I cried at several points.
  - namin 16y ago
    Thanks for sharing. I am trying the Kindle sample, now.