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Help: Suicide note on blog
- tluyben2 10y agoOfftopic; I think there should be a 'why flagged?' button on HN.
- tomhoward 10y agoThe reason people flag stories/comments ultimately comes back to the same thing: they believe it doesn't belong on HN, as per the site guidelines: https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html This is obviously a very sad and tragic story – no warm-blooded person could dispute that. But it's a private matter to be dealt with by police and his loved ones. No doubt people are generally well-intentioned in thinking that having this case discussed here may be beneficial, but for other people the interest is likely to be voyeuristic, and for it to be a topic of public discussion is insensitive and risks causing further distress to his family.
- tluyben2 10y agoI think it was beneficial, if it helped or not. I think it shows many of the 'money first' people on here what it can do to you and how you can make bad (as in ultimately, life threateningly bad) decisions with startups and investments. I think it does belong here.
- cyberferret 10y agoSeconded. Suicide and depression is all too often swept under the carpet as being too hard to deal with, or some sort of taboo, even in these enlightened times. We hear too much of the "overnight success zillionaires who came out of nowhere with a killer web app" or the couple of 14 year old kids who coded a mobile game in their spare time and now make $50K per day on the app stores. But what we don't hear for every one of those is the thousands who slog away, burn through their life savings, run out of mortgage options and feel the frustration of building something with zero customers - just like Dennis did in the lead up to this terrible event. When all you hear is the good stuff, and you are struggling, then it can seem like the problem is entirely YOU, and the abject feelings of failure are strong indeed. But speaking to others who are running the same grind, you suddenly realise that you are NOT alone, and you are NOT doing everything wrong. There still may be no easy solution, but the problems shared are indeed problems halved. Ask me how I know? I've been there and back several times. It is not nice. I would hope that HN starts a trend for open honesty in this industry.
- dang 10y agoHonesty is great, but let's be honest about our own experiences, not someone else's tragedy that we randomly encountered on the internet and are in no position to make claims about. Otherwise we reduce that person to raw material for an argument. That's not right. I understand the shock of encountering something like this, and how it can spur us to reflect more deeply on our own situation. Those are natural and good reactions. But we need to be careful about going any further, and large internet communities aren't capable of being careful that way.
- cyberferret 10y agoWell explained. I understand, and rescind my plea in my former post. I had lost sight of the fact that we would be dragging someone into this discussion who is no longer here to give his consent or defend his decision.
- dang 10y ago> I think it shows many of the 'money first' people on here That interpretive spin illustrates why we shouldn't have such discussions here. Treating someone's suicide as grist for internet arguments just can't lead anywhere good.
- tluyben2 10y agoPoint taken.
- pragmatic 10y agoThis is bad. I emailed this to what I believe is the local police department, Halton Regional.
- jonny_storm 10y agoIn the name of whatever is good, I sincerely hope your intercession proves fruitful.
- pragmatic 10y agoIs it appropriate to call the local police in this situation?
- pragmatic 10y agoI just tried calling and my cell plan doesn't have international calling. https://www.haltonpolice.ca/ https://www.haltonpolice.ca/ 905-825-4777
- nstott 10y agoI just phoned, the police are aware, and are responding
- 464192002d7fe1c 10y agoYes, absolutely, and I've done it before (and been thanked for it), but if you see my other post this was posted almost 24 hours ago.
- valarauca1 10y agoNever call the police to handle a psychological traumatic episode. Especially to prevent a suicide. They are not trained to handle it at all.
- czbond 10y agoThen whom, specifically?
- pragmatic 10y agoI don't know what else to do. I don't know this guy. I don't know anyone who knows this guy. I live in another country. What would be the right thing to do here?
- OriginalPenguin 10y agoIf it's a friend or family member and you feel capable of handling it yourself, and are nearby this might be good advice. But regarding a stranger thousands of miles away? When every second counts? The police seem like the best option.
- orionblastar 10y agoThat is terrible. He should have told his wife about his problems so she could help him get professional help. He also could have done a crowdfunding campain. This is why our IT industry needs to make better support for the mentally ill, rather than vilify us and cause people to hide their mental illnesses.
- 55555 10y agoThis guy doesn't seem unusually mentally ill to me. He seems well within the bounds of normal. Depression happens to everybody. (I'm not sure if we actually disagree or I'm just choosing different words.)
- hackuser 10y agoIt's one thing to speculate ignorantly about the latest app; it's quite another to do it about someone's mental illness.
- mgkimsal 10y agoI had your view - I just read a number of his posts. You can define 'mental illness' to be almost anything, and it would encompass a lot of folks, but most of his writings were pretty balanced. What I did see (and others did too) was a post about need $600k - needing a lump sum, then working on something and paying it all back from the 'riches' of the project. Now.. the 'riches' part may have been somewhat tongue in cheek, perhaps, but he was really going for some "go big go home" sort of project, and that didn't work out. Now's probably not quite the time to criticize (and I'm not criticizing him), but when is there a good time? Dennis seemed to get caught up in the belief in "big payout tech projects". This isn't to say they don't happen, but Dennis' isn't the first story I've read of people "shooting big", then ending up in deep debt, deep despair, considering suicide. We don't read about these much - we generally read about the continuing waves of billion-dollar unicorns fronted by people continually younger than ourselves. It's gotta wear some people down. I just bumped in to some folks a few days ago who are (independently) "buckling down" on their big "game changing" projects. While I only know these folks socially, if the projects fail, and one ends up taking his life (or even considering it), I will not be overly surprised (saddened, yes). But there's little I can do. People chasing web/tech/app riches then falling in to debt/despair has got to be the unspoken plague of this industry. EDIT: looks like his most recent project was Gallus: https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/gallus-lessons-in-developing-for-android/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/gallus-lessons-... And while that looked like it was going to pay off in a sale, the buyer got acquired and everything got put on hold. The house eviction may have pushed him over the edge?
- czbond 10y agoTrying to find a number. http://datagovca.com/corporation.php?id=8370613 http://datagovca.com/corporation.php?id=8370613
- czbond 10y agohttps://www.prelist.org/properties/4438-dream-home-in-the-lowville-area-of-burlington https://www.prelist.org/properties/4438-dream-home-in-the-lo... 905-220-1098
- NetOpWibby 10y agoThis is real?!
- Beggars 10y agoThis gives me knots in my stomach, I hope it's not too late to help this man and his family. I would contribute to a crowdfunding campaign, nobody should suffer like this. I don't have much either, but I could help with a little. Someone in Canada here that can help out? The whois for the domain lists the following: Name: Dennis Forbes Postal address: 2273 Britannia Rd Burlington ON L7P0E8 Canada Phone: +1.9053158373
- 464192002d7fe1c 10y agoThis is terrible, the house/neighborhood looks very nice :(
- 464192002d7fe1c 10y agodatetime="2017-01-25T10:16:10+00:00" which was a long time ago :( It is probably too late :(
- glandium 10y agoThere is also https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/ which is datetime="2017-01-24T19:21:50+00:00", 13 hours earlier.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- tory 10y agoThis breaks my heart. I came across this and called the Halton Police Department. They are sending someone to check it out.
- pragmatic 10y agoThank you!
- TheTrueTDF 10y agoThank you ! Fingers crossed
- Beggars 10y agoThank you. It's such a horrible and powerless feeling knowing that there is very little I can do all the way here in Australia. I sent them a Facebook message, but I am glad someone was able to call.
- 464192002d7fe1c 10y agoThanks for calling. AT&T AGAIN disabled my international calling and the group that can turn it back on only works 9-5.
- bendoernberg 10y agoI called the Halton police department and was told that they could not investigate until I contacted my local (US) police department and had the US police send them the information. They refused to just give me an email address where I could send the blog post or accept any information over the phone. Absurd.
- iffycan 10y agoI hope someone found him while they could help. His last two posts could have been clues :( - https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/ - https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/love/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/love/
- danso 10y agohttps://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/seeking-a-well-capitalized-partner/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/seeking-a-well-capitalized... (emphasis his) EDIT 2016-01-24: Hello readers. This page is seeing dozens of uniques per day from non-bots. Whether it’s interested parties or just people casually entertained I don’t know, but I will say that if you’re thinking about this contact me now (dforbes@yafla.com). My window of options is incredibly tiny at this point.
- pragmatic 10y agoI saw the Adieu post at the top of my feed yesterday. I had an empty body. I assumed it was a mispost or he had found an investor or like many of us just got tired of blogging. Then tonight I read the Love post and thought it was rather touching until I got to this one. Then it fell into place. I've followed his blog for years but otherwise don't know him personally. I'm sick to my stomach.
- frankwiles 10y agoThis is is sad and avoidable. As stated in other comments we don't seem to do enough or talk enough about mental health and suicide in tech circles. If you need help please get it. Here is one resource: http://www.headquarterscounselingcenter.org/ http://www.headquarterscounselingcenter.org/ Disclaimer, I'm on tbe Board of Directors. But if not this resource please get help from somewhere. There are people here for you.
- ravishah 10y agoAdministrative contact: Name: Dennis Forbes Postal address: 2273 Britannia Rd Burlington ON L7P0E8 Canada Phone: +1.9053158373 Fax: Email: http://whois.domaintools.com/dennisforbes.ca http://whois.domaintools.com/dennisforbes.ca Call ???
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- cyberferret 10y agoHoping with every fibre of my being that someone can get to the OP in time. I've been close to this sort of situation before, with a six figure tax debt that I thought I could never pay out. Several incredibly tough years later, I have paid out that debt and am well ahead. I often look back at that dark patch in my life and am glad I never took the option that I thought was my only recourse while in that particular mindset. Things can get better. The worst of times will pass. I wish I could talk to this guy and tell him my story face to face. Whatever deity or cosmic force you believe in - hope/wish/pray that it delays this man's decision so that someone can save him.
- deathly_dev 10y agoThis is sad yet completely understandable. I attempted suicide last night. After being blocked from being able to put my kids to bed by my soon-to-be-ex-maybe-but-hopefully-I-can-fix-it wife, looking at not having much in the way of visitation. It's just too much. Add financial pressure, the only thing my wife seems to respond to, and I can't take it. Writing software requires creativity from the inside - emotional stress disables me. Not fair, perhaps I'm weak, but there it is. The cry for help stuff is annoying, too. I didn't contact anyone last night because either I cause more emotional harm (they don't stop me) or I'm just an drama-causing guy that is so unstable of course his kids can't be around him. I used to think this was a silly response until I was in the situation. Maybe things would have gotten for this guy, maybe not.
- nstott 10y agoit's well worth it to seek help.. please reach out to family, friends, anyone and to talk through any problems
- czbond 10y agoCan you focus on one problem at a time? First, just go buy an ice cream. Take you kids in a car ride, to the playground - and eat ice cream. Listen to them laugh. Play with them. See you in them. Take time off work, go to that place in town that makes your heart smile. For me, it's the mtn bike track - what is it for you? GO see a movie, talk to someone in line. Ask them about their day. Have pancakes. Now call someone - anyone - and just say "can we have lunch"? Small, controllable wins are your way out. Your kids are your way out. The "mind-fuck" will go away.
- nvahalik 10y agoWhat a coward. This man still has a family. Has children. He should do what millions of others have to do. Suck it up, admit his fault, and do what you have to do to survive. This is the epitome of selfishness. I hope this man doesn't die the shameful death he hopes for but instead lives to be an example of what it means to overcome failure and show the world what you're made of.
- rangibaby 10y agoIf he had the ability to think clearly he wouldn't be killing himself would he. Don't be so judgmental.
- rootusrootus 10y agoTotally disagree. Depression is a very serious illness. He is not a coward, he is very sick. He is not selfish, he is very sick.
- nvahalik 10y agoCalling it like I see it. You can blame depression all you want but his situation wasn't caused by depression-it was caused by pride. His depression was the result of his inability to admit the problems he had until a point at which his pride stopped him from dealing with things. Depression might have "pulled the trigger" but pride "loaded the gun".
- xyzzy4 10y agoOr maybe it's caused by overvaluing his finances and undervaluing his life.
- rootusrootus 10y agoI hope he has not followed through. He may feel like a failure, but he is much more valuable alive to his family. His kids will be devastated. You can survive anything with your family there, but without a dad those kids are going to be far, far worse off than any financial damage you feel like you've caused.
- throwaway999222 10y agoThrowaway because of obvious reasons but let this be a lesson to the HN crowd: NEVER ever risk so much that you're family will be left homeless. The minute you had kids and a wife is the minute you chose to never be able to risk everything for bigger gains. Also, this post sobered me up from the dream of buying a $500K home. I'll be getting a $250k and paying off that sucker ASAP.
- rootlocus 10y agoI wouldn't have made a throwaway for this. It's perfectly reasonable advice. I never liked banks. My mom always warned me they're legal loan sharks who don't break your leg but take your home (or car, or whatever). Perhaps it's a good time to consider bitcoin.
- sova 10y agoMay Love be with him all the way.
- equine 10y agoKilling yourself with 4 kids is a pussy move, money isn't everything. I'd rather have a loving family and live in a mobile home for 250 a month, than be dead with kids spitting on my grave.
- danso 10y agoFound this thread on Twitter of someone who called the police 12 hours ago. Context suggests that it was too late. https://twitter.com/TychoTithonus/status/824324158154645504 https://twitter.com/TychoTithonus/status/824324158154645504
- czbond 10y agoSad find - but closure.
- pragmatic 10y agoDamn.
- ploggingdev 10y agoI am a little lost here, but who is dennis forbes? This story seems to have gotten flagged. It's not showing up on the front page. [Edit]: yes [Flagged] is showing up on this story.
- danso 10y agoHe's the author of this blog post: https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/25/four-children-lose-their-father-a-wife-loses-a-husband/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/25/four-children-l...
- ploggingdev 10y agoIt's very sad either way, but I meant what was he known for?
- sornaensis 10y agoThis is a somewhat depressing comment to me.
- ploggingdev 10y agoJust to be clear, this is very sad. I was just asking who the person was since I am not familiar with his work. If my comment conveyed a different meaning, that was not the intention.
- tluyben2 10y agoReally hope they reached him in time. This is no way or reason to go... For all the interesting things the anglo countries offer, this is one of those things that concern me. Many people I know in the Netherlands and Spain were in the same situation. A very good friend of mine owes the bank E400k and has a house to sell at this moment. In Spain. The bank wanted to foreclose months ago but the judge blocked it giving her 2 years to get her affairs in order to start paying mortgage again (mortgage was not paid for over a year). It seems far more humane than what I read about anglo countries where you can end up living on the streets even without a drug habit. I know money money but as I get older I value humane far more than money. Then again, I am not sure if I think this way about uk/ca/us/au (esp US though) because of the many media hyped up posts. Maybe it is not that bad but reading things like this... Edit: many foreclosures happen in Spain but that is mostly because people do not know that they can fight them or do not want the hassle Edit2: post flagged? Is it fake? Does not matter for the responses here; actual people think about and do this every day. I had too many friends and family take their lives but none of them did it because of money. Broke here (correct me if I am wrong please!) is not the same as broke there.
- shams93 10y agoEven if its a fake post, its brings up some useful points. What you see in places where money and what you have are everything is a loss of community. For me, when I've talked stupid about hurting myself when I was having a bad time I was fortunate coming into technology via punk rock and alternative culture to have genuine friends around to talk to. Often work won't allow for therapy, the moment a manager finds out you suffer from depression you're out hard and fast. There's a huge stigma attached to depression, but ultimately each human has a certain level of stress they can take before they break.
- tluyben2 10y ago>the moment a manager finds out you suffer from depression you're out hard and fast. Humane again... You cannot be fired for that here. Which is how it should be IMHO.
- alenkovic 10y agoHalton Region local here - just called police department, they said that they are aware and on it. Appreciative of the call, no other info.
- el_don_almighty 10y agoIt's so hard to realize that our self-worth isn't in the things that we owe. I've struggled with it myself many times. How can I be so good at so many things and yet be an absolute moron when it comes to money? It seems so simple. Just don't spend it. It's like my Mom's voice calling out to us as I ran out the door in high school. "Don't sin!" She had long given up trying to lay out a long list of things we shouldn't do and distilled everything into the most essential kernal. "Sure mom, I'll get right on that" For a month I can be really, really good. And then there's a closeout on new Canon lenses at B&H and it's all over. What an idiot. Soon enough, it all adds up and like Dennis, you have a couple of medical bills or a job go south and the ship just sinks around you. Nobody cares and there's nothing you can do. But it's obvious to me after reading this thread that our community DOES CARE and will reach out desperately to help. Our self worth is far greater than some crappy shack. The lives we touch and the memories we make mean so much more than the possessions we have. The pain I feel inside for Dennis is touched only by the willingness of this team to reach out and help him. I hope we can assist his family in some way.
- jonny_storm 10y agoFlagged or no, can we all agree to do as OP did? A post and a call could mean everything.
- memyselfandme 10y agoI called 911. The police reached him in time.
- Beggars 10y agoSo is he okay? This makes me feel relieved if he is okay.
- memyselfandme 10y agoThe police said they were with him and he was okay. I'm not entirely sure now if the "he was okay" bit is accurate.
- memyselfandme 10y agoI live in halton and called the police. They said they reached him in time.
- RawInfoSec 10y agoOkay there's something not right here. People are reporting that it was too late, however the block post is gone, and I've yet to see an obit posted in any of the locals around here. There's more to this.
- duncans 10y agoFor the record: he's OK > I’m okay. > Months of incredible levels of stress, coupled with weeks of little sleep, yielded some deeply irrational, illogical thinking that I of course regret, but can’t erase from my timeline. And for any sort of intellectual exercise, like software development, no sleep+stress = a recursive loop of ineffectiveness that generates more stress and even less sleep. > I apologize to those I distressed, from family to remote individuals who I’ve never met but who cared. This is my first opportunity to post anything on this, and the lack of communications wasn’t an intentional act of dramatic exercise. https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/
- JustinAiken 10y agoWonderful news! Thanks for posting
- royce 10y agoTwitter OP here. I know the thread's been flagged, but for anyone who finds the thread: he's OK. https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/ https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/