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My parents worked their nuts off to pay for my education and provide security for the family - my dear old late dad woke up at 4am EVERY SINGLE DAY of the year,

by vr46 10y ago

My parents worked their nuts off to pay for my education and provide security for the family - my dear old late dad woke up at 4am EVERY SINGLE DAY of the year, except Christmas Day, to work for me, basically. There's no way I'm giving up on anything. I have a ridiculously easy life compared to them, and because of them. That's my main motivation, apart from my own young family. And I surround myself mostly with talented friends who work their nuts off too. Failures are no big deal, unless you don't learn something.

jat850 10y ago
Not your fault, but your comment made me subtly sad that I haven't repaid the same sacrifice and commitment from my family with as much as they deserved. They too worked very hard to provide and give a good life for me, and through naivety, youth, inexperience, laziness - I pissed a large portion of it away. I try to do better now, but I think I'll always carry some personal guilt over that. I can't fix the past, but I can work harder and try to correct some of my mistakes. edit I neglected to note that you mentioned your dad to have passed. Take reassurance in that a brief comment on the internet, I think you've done him proud.
- cushychicken 10y ago
  It's a debt that's generally paid forward, not back. You still have a shot.
  - jat850 10y ago
    You're right, of course. And that's what I will try to do with current and future opportunities and choices. I appreciate the perspective and encouragement.
- vr46 10y ago
  Thanks for the sentiment - much appreciated. I feel like I've pissed away decades through all the things you describe, but in reality, they're just paths or routes to where you, me, we are now. The other poster pointed out quite rightly that this is a debt paid forward - so just figure it out from here, right?
  - jat850 10y ago
    That's a good point of view to take. If I hadn't made some of mistakes, I also may not have learned some valuable lessons - about myself and others.
- ridgeguy 10y ago
  Most parents know this about their children, that their sacrifices may go unappreciated in full until their kids pass some ill-defined maturity/life milestones. They did it for you anyway, and doubtless on the whole, gladly. As another poster noted, you can pay it forward. That's likely what your parents did.
  - jat850 10y ago
    I suspect you're right. I realize that I'm very lucky to have parents as good as I do, and just hope I can do as much for others in my future as they did for me. Including them, if and when they ever need it.
- pm 10y ago
  I relate, and I think I did okay with what I was given, but I think I could've done better. However, the thing that's helped me the most is to learn from the mistake once, and then leave it all behind. It has always been easier said than done of course, but it's gotten easier over time; I hope you allow yourself the latitude to do the same.
  - jat850 10y ago
    I have tried to do similarly, although I do sometimes have a habit of carrying guilt a long time - and it can occasionally have the side effect of getting in the way of fully moving past mistakes and into doing better. It's something to work on.
mattfrommars 10y ago
You hit home brother. It's 1 AM right where I am right now and at this moment of time, I'm sort of filled with regrets. I'm such a failure when I think about it. Never in my life was I able to leverage anything compared to the people I know who come from totally opposite background struggle. Like I am like you said, 'ridiculously easy life' 100% like this, why am I not doing what I want to do? Where is the struggle? Why don't I work my butt off? Can the undergraduate major I did to be blamed? Is it really too late for me 25 year old to get into software development scene? What's stopping me? Yes I don't have the opportunities like i would had in the US where many of my high school classmates went turns out one of them is working at "Glassdoor #1 company to work for " as Account executive. But even living in a third world country, warm bed, hot water, running electricity, warm meal, no rent, high end PC, I'm easily about 99 percent of the people here. What's stopping me? Why don't I take these things to my advantage and work towards something which been back of my mind for the last 3 years!
- Namrog84 10y ago
  > Is it really too late for me 25 year old to get into software development scene? What's stopping me? Aside from maybe 2 basic courses in college. I never took any other cs classes before I went back to college at 27. First time in college(mechanical engineer) I barely broke 3.0 gpa because I was a slacker, when I went back I had a 3.9 because I got my life on track. Later got my Masters at 30. Now work at Microsoft earning almost 3x as much as I did before and significantly happier with where I am and headed in life. I know a friend who just did same thing but started at 28. He was a business major the first time. Now he is at Google with a masters in CS as well. It's legit never too late. I personally know of a dozen people who started at older age than you or even me.
  - vr46 10y ago
    Totally, it's never too late! The main thing is whether you want to. If you really want to program computers, as I did, nothing is going stand in your way. The only question is, what do you most want to develop? The only question for others is, 'Are you any good?' so you only have to get good enough, at which point the phone starts ringing.

by vr46 10y ago

jat850 10y ago

Not your fault, but your comment made me subtly sad that I haven't repaid the same sacrifice and commitment from my family with as much as they deserved. They too worked very hard to provide and give a good life for me, and through naivety, youth, inexperience, laziness - I pissed a large portion of it away. I try to do better now, but I think I'll always carry some personal guilt over that. I can't fix the past, but I can work harder and try to correct some of my mistakes. edit I neglected to note that you mentioned your dad to have passed. Take reassurance in that a brief comment on the internet, I think you've done him proud.

cushychicken 10y ago
It's a debt that's generally paid forward, not back. You still have a shot.
- jat850 10y ago
  You're right, of course. And that's what I will try to do with current and future opportunities and choices. I appreciate the perspective and encouragement.
vr46 10y ago
Thanks for the sentiment - much appreciated. I feel like I've pissed away decades through all the things you describe, but in reality, they're just paths or routes to where you, me, we are now. The other poster pointed out quite rightly that this is a debt paid forward - so just figure it out from here, right?
- jat850 10y ago
  That's a good point of view to take. If I hadn't made some of mistakes, I also may not have learned some valuable lessons - about myself and others.
ridgeguy 10y ago
Most parents know this about their children, that their sacrifices may go unappreciated in full until their kids pass some ill-defined maturity/life milestones. They did it for you anyway, and doubtless on the whole, gladly. As another poster noted, you can pay it forward. That's likely what your parents did.
- jat850 10y ago
  I suspect you're right. I realize that I'm very lucky to have parents as good as I do, and just hope I can do as much for others in my future as they did for me. Including them, if and when they ever need it.
pm 10y ago
I relate, and I think I did okay with what I was given, but I think I could've done better. However, the thing that's helped me the most is to learn from the mistake once, and then leave it all behind. It has always been easier said than done of course, but it's gotten easier over time; I hope you allow yourself the latitude to do the same.
- jat850 10y ago
  I have tried to do similarly, although I do sometimes have a habit of carrying guilt a long time - and it can occasionally have the side effect of getting in the way of fully moving past mistakes and into doing better. It's something to work on.

mattfrommars 10y ago

You hit home brother. It's 1 AM right where I am right now and at this moment of time, I'm sort of filled with regrets. I'm such a failure when I think about it. Never in my life was I able to leverage anything compared to the people I know who come from totally opposite background struggle. Like I am like you said, 'ridiculously easy life' 100% like this, why am I not doing what I want to do? Where is the struggle? Why don't I work my butt off? Can the undergraduate major I did to be blamed? Is it really too late for me 25 year old to get into software development scene? What's stopping me? Yes I don't have the opportunities like i would had in the US where many of my high school classmates went turns out one of them is working at "Glassdoor #1 company to work for " as Account executive. But even living in a third world country, warm bed, hot water, running electricity, warm meal, no rent, high end PC, I'm easily about 99 percent of the people here. What's stopping me? Why don't I take these things to my advantage and work towards something which been back of my mind for the last 3 years!

Namrog84 10y ago
> Is it really too late for me 25 year old to get into software development scene? What's stopping me? Aside from maybe 2 basic courses in college. I never took any other cs classes before I went back to college at 27. First time in college(mechanical engineer) I barely broke 3.0 gpa because I was a slacker, when I went back I had a 3.9 because I got my life on track. Later got my Masters at 30. Now work at Microsoft earning almost 3x as much as I did before and significantly happier with where I am and headed in life. I know a friend who just did same thing but started at 28. He was a business major the first time. Now he is at Google with a masters in CS as well. It's legit never too late. I personally know of a dozen people who started at older age than you or even me.
- vr46 10y ago
  Totally, it's never too late! The main thing is whether you want to. If you really want to program computers, as I did, nothing is going stand in your way. The only question is, what do you most want to develop? The only question for others is, 'Are you any good?' so you only have to get good enough, at which point the phone starts ringing.