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My wife and I both work, and we have kids. It's not because of any relative importance of career versus kids, it's simply because we couldn't afford to live her

My wife and I both work, and we have kids. It's not because of any relative importance of career versus kids, it's simply because we couldn't afford to live here in the SF Bay Area otherwise. It would be wonderful if one of us could stay home, but there's more to it than that as well. Have you ever spent all day with toddlers? It's enough to make you go mad sometimes, and it also starves you of adult interaction. Chasing little wild humans and occasionally commanding, "No! Spit that out!" isn't really interaction. You need a support system when raising kids. Traditionally, this has been family, but people move around for work so much in the US, that many of us don't have that support system, and we outsource that to professionals - day care, nannies, co-ops. All that stuff costs money, and so, we both have to work.

chrisper 10y ago
The questions I am about to ask are not meant to judge you. I am asking, because I am pretty sure you asked yourself these as well and I am just curious about your answers. If you both are so busy and "barley" (not homeless barley, but like needing dual-income) can afford living in the SF Bay Area, then why have kids? Similarly, why live in the SF Bay Area?
- oppositelock 10y ago
  The bay area is very expensive and it takes an exceptional single income to live comfortably, or you make huge compromises, so I think dual income families are far more common that not. When it comes to having children, at some point, you decide you're ready and find a way to make it work. We're managing, but we both have to work. We love the area, our friends are here, are careers are here, we're up in the mountains every few weeks enjoying nature, this really is a beautiful part of the country, and you pay for that. Life isn't only about minimizing costs. Long term, we probably can't afford to stay here unless I win the startup lottery, so we have an exit plan, but for now, we're enjoying this place.
- sidlls 10y ago
  Employment, just the same as anywhere else. In this country a job isn't something that most people can simply pick and choose from. Tech jobs especially are very different outside the Bay Area. A big example: it's common to have 18-30 month tenures at a job in the Bay Area, and that's considered "job hopping" many other places. Others include the casual dress and relatively greater time flexibility. Tech experience in the Bay by no means guarantees the ability to find employment outside it.
  - chrisper 10y ago
    I guess, I also foolishly assumed that both are in tech. Thanks for your input.

chrisper 10y ago

The questions I am about to ask are not meant to judge you. I am asking, because I am pretty sure you asked yourself these as well and I am just curious about your answers. If you both are so busy and "barley" (not homeless barley, but like needing dual-income) can afford living in the SF Bay Area, then why have kids? Similarly, why live in the SF Bay Area?

oppositelock 10y ago
The bay area is very expensive and it takes an exceptional single income to live comfortably, or you make huge compromises, so I think dual income families are far more common that not. When it comes to having children, at some point, you decide you're ready and find a way to make it work. We're managing, but we both have to work. We love the area, our friends are here, are careers are here, we're up in the mountains every few weeks enjoying nature, this really is a beautiful part of the country, and you pay for that. Life isn't only about minimizing costs. Long term, we probably can't afford to stay here unless I win the startup lottery, so we have an exit plan, but for now, we're enjoying this place.
sidlls 10y ago
Employment, just the same as anywhere else. In this country a job isn't something that most people can simply pick and choose from. Tech jobs especially are very different outside the Bay Area. A big example: it's common to have 18-30 month tenures at a job in the Bay Area, and that's considered "job hopping" many other places. Others include the casual dress and relatively greater time flexibility. Tech experience in the Bay by no means guarantees the ability to find employment outside it.
- chrisper 10y ago
  I guess, I also foolishly assumed that both are in tech. Thanks for your input.