5 ms·

It's easy to say that you're happier alone. It's much more difficult to admit to yourself that you have social anxiety that keeps you from making relationships.

by aoeu345 10y ago

It's easy to say that you're happier alone. It's much more difficult to admit to yourself that you have social anxiety that keeps you from making relationships. A human that does the first will decay over time. A human that does the second can be anything he/she wants to be. There is enormous supporting evidence that quantity and quality of relationships are directly correlated to happiness

ams6110 10y ago
There's enormous evidence for a lot of things, but that doesn't mean it's equally applicable to every individual. I see no reason to think that some small percentage of people truly are happier alone even if the opposite is true for the large majority.
- aoeu345 10y ago
  But the human brain is mostly dedicated to socializing and interpreting social signals. If you don't even stretch out those parts of your brain, you're not even satisfying intrinsic human needs.
Baeocystin 10y ago
Do you realize how infuriating your attitude is to people who prefer solitude? I like people. I have no trouble speaking in public, making new friends, or just engaging in small talk. I enjoy it, so it comes easily. I simply enjoy being alone more, so I often am, and there is nothing wrong with me for choosing so. Nor is there with any of the other mostly-hermits I know.
- dwaltrip 10y ago
  Your description of your solitude is quite different than the one by xkxx, so your comment seems a bit off the mark.
  - Baeocystin 10y ago
    I think the advice given comes from a place of wanting to help, but it's the same mistake I see natural extroverts make time and time again- that solitude is itself a sickness. The fellow with low self-esteem may have other issues at well, but telling him that the desire for distance from others is innately wrong isn't going to help him become healthier. I think a lot of people with social anxiety would feel better about themselves if they were, instead, told that it's OK not to be more social than you want to be. There are still behavior rules to be followed; this isn't license to be a jerk. But for many people, they honestly don't do best with too much contact with others, and that is OK.
xkxx 10y ago
> It's easy to say that you're happier alone. Yeah, it's easy to say almost anything. > It's much more difficult to admit to yourself that you have social anxiety that keeps you from making relationships. Nah, not that difficult, just as easy as to say or admit almost anything. The only problem is that I don't have social anxiety. E.g., one may claim that it must be very hard for me to admit that I enjoy masturbating to copro-necro-midget pornography. I'd disagree, because it's very easy for me to admit that, especially when I'm effectually anonymous. The only problem is that I don't enjoy masturbating to copro-necro-midget pornography, so I see no sense in admitting it, just like I see no sense in admitting that I have social anxiety. > A human that does the first will decay over time. A human that does the second can be anything he/she wants to be. What about a human that does the third, the fourth, etc.? Your logic seems pretty binary to me. > There is enormous supporting evidence that quantity and quality of relationships are directly correlated to happiness Yeah, it may be true. I could have been happier if I were not me, but somebody else who is more of a social whore. The only problem is, I am me and not somebody who can become more of a social whore. Trying to become more of a social whore was what kept me unhappy. After I decided to stop trying and accepted myself as unlikable, confrontational and angry person, I became more happy. Also, it's okay for you to think that I have issues, deceive myself, should change, etc. I disagree and don't care enough to try to convince you that you are wrong, because your opinion is pretty much irrelevant to me.
Nadya 10y ago
Does social anxiety involve wanting to tell people to fuck off and leave you alone? I don't feel anxious about social interactions. I'll get up and give a speech in front of 400+ people at the company. I don't get panicky or nervous - I just want to go home and do things I want to do instead of what others want me to do. Other people want me to come mini-golfing. I want to go home and play with my kitten. Other people want me to go to a party. I want to stay home and have a nice bath. Other people want me to come to the beach. I'd rather put on some music and clean my house. Fuck what other people want me to be doing. A 9-5 is as much as I'll let other people control my life and only because that much is necessary until I'm financially independent. I lack the drive to work towards that and am happy with my job, so a 9-5 it is. I agree with Baeocystin. This sort of "Literally every human must be enjoy being social/around others!" is infuriating at best. No. Not every human who dislikes other people is broken. I haven't had a friend in 11 years. I haven't bothered looking because I'm content with my life. I do the things I want to do, I game when I want to game, I code when I want to code, I go for walks when I want to go for walks. I don't need to worry about making plans. If I want to go see a movie - I just go. I don't have people trying to call me/text me/email me. It's absolutely wonderful.

by aoeu345 10y ago

ams6110 10y ago

There's enormous evidence for a lot of things, but that doesn't mean it's equally applicable to every individual. I see no reason to think that some small percentage of people truly are happier alone even if the opposite is true for the large majority.

aoeu345 10y ago
But the human brain is mostly dedicated to socializing and interpreting social signals. If you don't even stretch out those parts of your brain, you're not even satisfying intrinsic human needs.

Baeocystin 10y ago

Do you realize how infuriating your attitude is to people who prefer solitude? I like people. I have no trouble speaking in public, making new friends, or just engaging in small talk. I enjoy it, so it comes easily. I simply enjoy being alone more, so I often am, and there is nothing wrong with me for choosing so. Nor is there with any of the other mostly-hermits I know.

dwaltrip 10y ago
Your description of your solitude is quite different than the one by xkxx, so your comment seems a bit off the mark.
- Baeocystin 10y ago
  I think the advice given comes from a place of wanting to help, but it's the same mistake I see natural extroverts make time and time again- that solitude is itself a sickness. The fellow with low self-esteem may have other issues at well, but telling him that the desire for distance from others is innately wrong isn't going to help him become healthier. I think a lot of people with social anxiety would feel better about themselves if they were, instead, told that it's OK not to be more social than you want to be. There are still behavior rules to be followed; this isn't license to be a jerk. But for many people, they honestly don't do best with too much contact with others, and that is OK.

xkxx 10y ago

> It's easy to say that you're happier alone. Yeah, it's easy to say almost anything. > It's much more difficult to admit to yourself that you have social anxiety that keeps you from making relationships. Nah, not that difficult, just as easy as to say or admit almost anything. The only problem is that I don't have social anxiety. E.g., one may claim that it must be very hard for me to admit that I enjoy masturbating to copro-necro-midget pornography. I'd disagree, because it's very easy for me to admit that, especially when I'm effectually anonymous. The only problem is that I don't enjoy masturbating to copro-necro-midget pornography, so I see no sense in admitting it, just like I see no sense in admitting that I have social anxiety. > A human that does the first will decay over time. A human that does the second can be anything he/she wants to be. What about a human that does the third, the fourth, etc.? Your logic seems pretty binary to me. > There is enormous supporting evidence that quantity and quality of relationships are directly correlated to happiness Yeah, it may be true. I could have been happier if I were not me, but somebody else who is more of a social whore. The only problem is, I am me and not somebody who can become more of a social whore. Trying to become more of a social whore was what kept me unhappy. After I decided to stop trying and accepted myself as unlikable, confrontational and angry person, I became more happy. Also, it's okay for you to think that I have issues, deceive myself, should change, etc. I disagree and don't care enough to try to convince you that you are wrong, because your opinion is pretty much irrelevant to me.

Nadya 10y ago

Does social anxiety involve wanting to tell people to fuck off and leave you alone? I don't feel anxious about social interactions. I'll get up and give a speech in front of 400+ people at the company. I don't get panicky or nervous - I just want to go home and do things I want to do instead of what others want me to do. Other people want me to come mini-golfing. I want to go home and play with my kitten. Other people want me to go to a party. I want to stay home and have a nice bath. Other people want me to come to the beach. I'd rather put on some music and clean my house. Fuck what other people want me to be doing. A 9-5 is as much as I'll let other people control my life and only because that much is necessary until I'm financially independent. I lack the drive to work towards that and am happy with my job, so a 9-5 it is. I agree with Baeocystin. This sort of "Literally every human must be enjoy being social/around others!" is infuriating at best. No. Not every human who dislikes other people is broken. I haven't had a friend in 11 years. I haven't bothered looking because I'm content with my life. I do the things I want to do, I game when I want to game, I code when I want to code, I go for walks when I want to go for walks. I don't need to worry about making plans. If I want to go see a movie - I just go. I don't have people trying to call me/text me/email me. It's absolutely wonderful.