4 ms·

Just became a parent a month ago, and yeah, I am struggling to balance what my aspirations are for my daughter with what will would give her the best childhood

by sudhirj 10y ago

Just became a parent a month ago, and yeah, I am struggling to balance what my aspirations are for my daughter with what will would give her the best childhood she could have. Not and easy line to walk.

jameskilton 10y ago
My daughter is about to turn 1 and I agree there is a ton of pressure to make sure your kid has a good start. But try to just let your child be a child. There's a decent bit of psychology research out there now that everyone must experience all stages of growth. Stages like Baby, Toddler, Terrible 2s and 3s, Rebellious teen, unconstrained 20-something, etc. There are countless examples of people who were forced to skip some stages (often through external circumstances) who then seem to regress for a bit to "catch up" on the stages of growth they missed. I'm afraid that this push to make sure your child is "advanced" will only cause a ton of pain and learning further down the road that didn't have to happen (also, if you want a solid, stable job forever, psychiatry and psychology are looking like good fields). Our plan is to let our daughter simply be herself. Encourage when she's trying to learn. Help when she needs help, but don't push her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We've got ~20 years to help them become adults. They'll get there, there's no need to rush.
moron4hire 10y ago
Having just hit the one-year mark myself: default to happiness. Children don't need to be pushed to grow and learn. They do it readily all on their own. What's important is guiding them, and to not push them too hard, lest they learn to hate learning. You'll see it. They are not black holes. They provide plenty of feedback.
codegeek 10y ago
Congratulations. As a parent of 2 toddlers, here is what I suggest: Don't think too much. Spend as much time as possible with your kid. Give them a hug, make them laugh, always be around them if possible. Rest is all details that can always be worked out. Don't try to join the rat race of doing too many things. Don't plan too much. Kids will spoil it anyway. Trust me. Been there and still doing it. So enjoy the journey. Don't focus too much on "what are my aspirations for my kid". Instead, let them be. You know what kids really want and look up to ? Their parents/caregivers who are around them to listen to them and play with them. That is all they care about. Yes, activities are important but only a side effect.
lern_too_spel 10y ago
Put educational and physical things in the child's environment. They are going to absorb information from their environment anyway, so you might as well make what they will absorb useful. The problem with the lazy parenting that others in this thread advocate is that when everybody does it, you end up with a society that is obsessed with trivial entertainment, retarding scientific advancement; and you will live a shorter life and have less time with your kid as a result.

by sudhirj 10y ago

jameskilton 10y ago

My daughter is about to turn 1 and I agree there is a ton of pressure to make sure your kid has a good start. But try to just let your child be a child. There's a decent bit of psychology research out there now that everyone must experience all stages of growth. Stages like Baby, Toddler, Terrible 2s and 3s, Rebellious teen, unconstrained 20-something, etc. There are countless examples of people who were forced to skip some stages (often through external circumstances) who then seem to regress for a bit to "catch up" on the stages of growth they missed. I'm afraid that this push to make sure your child is "advanced" will only cause a ton of pain and learning further down the road that didn't have to happen (also, if you want a solid, stable job forever, psychiatry and psychology are looking like good fields). Our plan is to let our daughter simply be herself. Encourage when she's trying to learn. Help when she needs help, but don't push her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We've got ~20 years to help them become adults. They'll get there, there's no need to rush.

moron4hire 10y ago

Having just hit the one-year mark myself: default to happiness. Children don't need to be pushed to grow and learn. They do it readily all on their own. What's important is guiding them, and to not push them too hard, lest they learn to hate learning. You'll see it. They are not black holes. They provide plenty of feedback.

codegeek 10y ago

Congratulations. As a parent of 2 toddlers, here is what I suggest: Don't think too much. Spend as much time as possible with your kid. Give them a hug, make them laugh, always be around them if possible. Rest is all details that can always be worked out. Don't try to join the rat race of doing too many things. Don't plan too much. Kids will spoil it anyway. Trust me. Been there and still doing it. So enjoy the journey. Don't focus too much on "what are my aspirations for my kid". Instead, let them be. You know what kids really want and look up to ? Their parents/caregivers who are around them to listen to them and play with them. That is all they care about. Yes, activities are important but only a side effect.

lern_too_spel 10y ago

Put educational and physical things in the child's environment. They are going to absorb information from their environment anyway, so you might as well make what they will absorb useful. The problem with the lazy parenting that others in this thread advocate is that when everybody does it, you end up with a society that is obsessed with trivial entertainment, retarding scientific advancement; and you will live a shorter life and have less time with your kid as a result.