4 ms·

I think short term you are happier without kids, no question. However long term kids can[not] add significantly more meaning, purpose and joy to your life. What

I think short term you are happier without kids, no question. However long term kids can[not] add significantly more meaning, purpose and joy to your life. What they do, in my experience, is expand the range of emotions you are capable of experiencing. That means they can make your life the worst hell, give you the worst emotional pain available (death of child, bad actions of child, financial, medical, etc). But the inverse is also true. That being said I did not want to be a father, I did everything I could to try and stop it ( including recommending an abortion) I was immature and loved my life the way it was, and was totally happy keeping things the same. The first year was really hard and a huge adjustment. As it is coming up on my daughter's birthday (coincidencly a day after mine) all I can say is that she is the love of my life and brings me more happiness than I every thought possible. She is the best antidepressant, cheerful, beautiful and everything I never knew I needed. I wouldn't trade all the pain and heartache she brought for anything. You can be happy with or without kids. But you have the possibility of much different type of happyness with kids

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
zeroer 10y ago
> That means they can make your life the worst hell, give you the worst emotional pain available Sounds great.
- khedoros1 10y ago
  Higher highs and lower lows. It makes your life before it seem flat, for better and worse.
bollockitis 10y ago
Very well said. As the father of two young children, I can confidently say that becoming a parent has brought me some of the worst pains of my life, yet also some the highest, most incomparable joys. Until you have children, this contradiction is difficult, maybe impossible, to understand. My kids have taught me more about being human than I could have ever imagined, but raising them has been difficult, fraught with pain and anxiety every step of the way (though I want to point out that my experience is not representative of all parents, as my story includes challenges most will, thankfully, never have to endure). In a way, it's like being reborn. I have watched as everything I THOUGHT was "me" fall away -- friends, hobbies, interests, even my opinions and beliefs about myself and the world -- only to be replaced with a completely different set of priorities and concerns. Honestly, having kids has shown me just how shallow, naive, and self-absorbed I once was, and the person I have become is far more mature, compassionate, and open. The problem is that no one can know how having children will affect them and I empathize with those who choose not to have kids. If one chooses to avoid the lowest of lows, while understanding that this choice could close off an entire range of life experience, I would completely understand. In my low moments I sometimes pine for my days of naïveté, chasing after absurd goals motivated purely by self-aggrandizement, but then I take one look at my children and know that I would have it no other way. For better or worse, I never understood love or purpose until I had children, and my experience as a father is far more rewarding than anything other future I could have imagined for myself. Of course, it isn't this way for all parents, and the decision is highly personal so I fully support those who have chosen another path in life.
- dota_fanatic 10y ago
  Parenthood is not required though to make the same transformations you have, "shallow, naive, and self-absorbed" to "far more mature, compassionate, and open". It's not required for learning "more about being human than I could have ever imagined". Procreating has to be about the most normal thing a thing can do. Surely it feels Right, and the rightness of it demands your attention. All of this has become possible through offspring. All over the planet, every one's doing it, or trying to do it on some level. Feeling higher and lower simply (ha) requires an advanced, growing ability to feel and to think. There are immeasurable life forms on this Earth, and we're all fighting for survival, the opportunity to live. Family is just waiting to come into being, if we support it. The places our minds are able to go are only as limited as our imaginations, it's a capacity of the brain. There are many mental paths of growth, of life. Offspring takes many forms. It's great to hear of having kids as a very positive, very negative experience, like it has been for you and your children (and probably spouse). It's not hard to see though that many families don't have your same experience, and it amounts to a net increase in (relative) lows, decrease in highs. Maybe the world would be a different place if taking care of everyone that's already here, first, was more important than having kids? Maybe we could achieve higher highs without needing suffer so many of the lowest lows.
anon1253 10y ago
As a colleague of mine once said "you'll have regrets either way" (probably paraphrasing Kierkegaard)

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

zeroer 10y ago

> That means they can make your life the worst hell, give you the worst emotional pain available Sounds great.

khedoros1 10y ago
Higher highs and lower lows. It makes your life before it seem flat, for better and worse.

bollockitis 10y ago

Very well said. As the father of two young children, I can confidently say that becoming a parent has brought me some of the worst pains of my life, yet also some the highest, most incomparable joys. Until you have children, this contradiction is difficult, maybe impossible, to understand. My kids have taught me more about being human than I could have ever imagined, but raising them has been difficult, fraught with pain and anxiety every step of the way (though I want to point out that my experience is not representative of all parents, as my story includes challenges most will, thankfully, never have to endure). In a way, it's like being reborn. I have watched as everything I THOUGHT was "me" fall away -- friends, hobbies, interests, even my opinions and beliefs about myself and the world -- only to be replaced with a completely different set of priorities and concerns. Honestly, having kids has shown me just how shallow, naive, and self-absorbed I once was, and the person I have become is far more mature, compassionate, and open. The problem is that no one can know how having children will affect them and I empathize with those who choose not to have kids. If one chooses to avoid the lowest of lows, while understanding that this choice could close off an entire range of life experience, I would completely understand. In my low moments I sometimes pine for my days of naïveté, chasing after absurd goals motivated purely by self-aggrandizement, but then I take one look at my children and know that I would have it no other way. For better or worse, I never understood love or purpose until I had children, and my experience as a father is far more rewarding than anything other future I could have imagined for myself. Of course, it isn't this way for all parents, and the decision is highly personal so I fully support those who have chosen another path in life.

dota_fanatic 10y ago
Parenthood is not required though to make the same transformations you have, "shallow, naive, and self-absorbed" to "far more mature, compassionate, and open". It's not required for learning "more about being human than I could have ever imagined". Procreating has to be about the most normal thing a thing can do. Surely it feels Right, and the rightness of it demands your attention. All of this has become possible through offspring. All over the planet, every one's doing it, or trying to do it on some level. Feeling higher and lower simply (ha) requires an advanced, growing ability to feel and to think. There are immeasurable life forms on this Earth, and we're all fighting for survival, the opportunity to live. Family is just waiting to come into being, if we support it. The places our minds are able to go are only as limited as our imaginations, it's a capacity of the brain. There are many mental paths of growth, of life. Offspring takes many forms. It's great to hear of having kids as a very positive, very negative experience, like it has been for you and your children (and probably spouse). It's not hard to see though that many families don't have your same experience, and it amounts to a net increase in (relative) lows, decrease in highs. Maybe the world would be a different place if taking care of everyone that's already here, first, was more important than having kids? Maybe we could achieve higher highs without needing suffer so many of the lowest lows.

anon1253 10y ago

As a colleague of mine once said "you'll have regrets either way" (probably paraphrasing Kierkegaard)