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The best I can do, after raising two children, is that fatherhood needs to be less about keeping your children alive (by avoiding risk in any form) and more abo
by 11thEarlOfMar 10y ago
The best I can do, after raising two children, is that fatherhood needs to be less about keeping your children alive (by avoiding risk in any form) and more about teaching them to 1) survive on their own in the world, and once they're in a good place, 2) incrementally building the life they desire. In the most general sense, that means: How to size up a situation, analyze it for both opportunities and risk, asses the resources available and then resolve it. You can't really teach your kids to size up situations without, at some point, exposing them to said situations. Moreover, there is much more of an edge to that process when a child knows they are on their own in solving the problem.
So it's a real balancing act as a father to present age & maturity-appropriate situations that challenge your child without presenting more danger than they can reasonably handle. Anxiety, yes, that's the fuel to keep fathers focused on maintaining that balance. Dread? Yes, but you'll get over it once your kids start surprising you with insights and behaviors you didn't know you'd taught them.
- HiroshiSan 10y agoI'm currently struggling to learn this by myself (not fatherhood but surviving on my own) in my mid twenties. It is incredibly difficult only because I am in such a state of comfort that forcing myself to face difficult situations to learn and grow from, is hard.
- lisper 10y ago> It is incredibly difficult only because I am in such a state of comfort Simply recognizing this as a problem is a huge step in the right direction. The antidote is to travel on a very limited budget, particularly in third-world countries, and most especially somewhere you can get a work visa so you can get a job (and I'm not talking about a job as a developer, I'm talking about washing dishes). Keep enough money in reserve so that you can bail if you really need to, but try to limit yourself to using that escape hatch only in the direst of circumstances, like a real medical emergency. Spend a year doing that and you will learn more about life than from any college degree.
- beachstartup 10y agothe solution is easy. just get rid of your state of comfort. most people can't, because the real problem is something else.
- Throwaway23412 10y ago>the real problem is something else Would you like to elaborate or give examples of that something else?
- beachstartup 10y agofear.
- Mtinie 10y agoThat doesn't help. "Fear" of what, in your expert opinion?
- pavel_lishin 10y agoCan you take the gnomicism down a notch?
- pavel_lishin 10y agoJust because something is simple doesn't mean that it's easy.