5 ms·

Child free groups are like mens rights groups, nobody is getting in your way, you can cry and act judged all you want but you're fine.

by imesh 10y ago

anon1253 10y ago
But that wasn't the point I was trying to make. You should not be judged by not having children. In fact the default "you should have children to be happy/successful/not-be-frowned upon" is arguably the wrong one.
- MarkPNeyer 10y ago
  People will frown at you regardless of the choices you make in life. Maybe we should just stop doing that so much in general?
  - lgas 10y ago
    Or stop caring so much that someone frowned at us.
- rootusrootus 10y ago
  Of course. But please be aware, now that I've crossed from one side to the other, parents are getting an increasing amount of flack from the child-free folks. More than once I've been told how irresponsible and selfish I am for having children. So it goes both ways. Like with many movements, it probably started out with pure intentions and a legitimate grievance, but then it became tribal like every other facet of human society.
- toasterlovin 10y ago
  > In fact the default "you should have children to be happy/successful/not-be-frowned upon" is arguably the wrong one. As biological organisms, our sole purpose is to reproduce. Our minds are designed around a lifecycle that includes having children and grandchildren. Betting that forgoing these will make for a happier life seems like a terrible wager.
pavel_lishin 10y ago
Well, there is stigma attached to not having children, especially in certain families. But yeah, r/childfree seems to be mostly about people complaining about how hard they have it by not having kids, how disgusting other people's kids are, etc. It's a big ol' echo chamber. They're welcome to it, but it's not exactly a support group so much as a shared bitching session. For one example, let's look at one of the top posts right now, featuring two siblings who go to their mom's house and jump down each others' throat; the child-free sibling didn't like booger-talk at the dinner table, so retaliated by rubbing the fact that the childful (is that a term?) sibling can't go on an upcoming cruise: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5mr7nw/rant_my_sister_is_getting_jealous_that_i_am/ https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5mr7nw/rant_my_s... If someone doesn't want to have children, they shouldn't catch any additional shit for it, but they're not exactly some elevated saint either.
- kiliantics 10y ago
  Yeah, the vibe I get from that sub is mainly one of people who want to have the freedom to spend all their money on themselves and not have to give a shit about others (oh, why do I get taxed so much and people with children get to have all my money for education etc.) I'm cool with people not having children but that sub/movement seems mainly full of selfish materialistic people.
  - pavel_lishin 10y ago
    See, I'm okay with that, too - if you want to spend your life spending money on yourself, fuck it - it's your money. Just don't whine about how awful it is taking a first class flight from Paris to have Thanksgiving with your family in Virginia and having to put up with ten minutes of grandma inquiring if you've met anyone special yet.
lacampbell 10y ago
Having your children taken away from you by the state and giving the mother of your children unearned wealth under threat of force is 'fine'? I've heard enough "I pay exorbitant amounts of child support but can't see my kids" horror stories to ensure that I will never have children in a western country.
- khedoros1 10y ago
  That's not remotely related to what the comment you replied to was talking about. They're talking about groups of people that neither have nor want their own children.
  - detaro 10y ago
    child support/custody rights is a fairly large topic in the more sensible "mens rights" groups that the post replied to also dismissed. (If that's a reason to not have children is a different question, and probably does depend a lot on the people involved)

Child free groups are like mens rights groups, nobody is getting in your way, you can cry and act judged all you want but you're fine.

by imesh 10y ago

Child free groups are like mens rights groups, nobody is getting in your way, you can cry and act judged all you want but you're fine.

anon1253 10y ago

But that wasn't the point I was trying to make. You should not be judged by not having children. In fact the default "you should have children to be happy/successful/not-be-frowned upon" is arguably the wrong one.

MarkPNeyer 10y ago
People will frown at you regardless of the choices you make in life. Maybe we should just stop doing that so much in general?
- lgas 10y ago
  Or stop caring so much that someone frowned at us.
rootusrootus 10y ago
Of course. But please be aware, now that I've crossed from one side to the other, parents are getting an increasing amount of flack from the child-free folks. More than once I've been told how irresponsible and selfish I am for having children. So it goes both ways. Like with many movements, it probably started out with pure intentions and a legitimate grievance, but then it became tribal like every other facet of human society.
toasterlovin 10y ago
> In fact the default "you should have children to be happy/successful/not-be-frowned upon" is arguably the wrong one. As biological organisms, our sole purpose is to reproduce. Our minds are designed around a lifecycle that includes having children and grandchildren. Betting that forgoing these will make for a happier life seems like a terrible wager.

pavel_lishin 10y ago

Well, there is stigma attached to not having children, especially in certain families. But yeah, r/childfree seems to be mostly about people complaining about how hard they have it by not having kids, how disgusting other people's kids are, etc. It's a big ol' echo chamber. They're welcome to it, but it's not exactly a support group so much as a shared bitching session. For one example, let's look at one of the top posts right now, featuring two siblings who go to their mom's house and jump down each others' throat; the child-free sibling didn't like booger-talk at the dinner table, so retaliated by rubbing the fact that the childful (is that a term?) sibling can't go on an upcoming cruise: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5mr7nw/rant_my_sister_is_getting_jealous_that_i_am/ https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5mr7nw/rant_my_s... If someone doesn't want to have children, they shouldn't catch any additional shit for it, but they're not exactly some elevated saint either.

kiliantics 10y ago
Yeah, the vibe I get from that sub is mainly one of people who want to have the freedom to spend all their money on themselves and not have to give a shit about others (oh, why do I get taxed so much and people with children get to have all my money for education etc.) I'm cool with people not having children but that sub/movement seems mainly full of selfish materialistic people.
- pavel_lishin 10y ago
  See, I'm okay with that, too - if you want to spend your life spending money on yourself, fuck it - it's your money. Just don't whine about how awful it is taking a first class flight from Paris to have Thanksgiving with your family in Virginia and having to put up with ten minutes of grandma inquiring if you've met anyone special yet.

lacampbell 10y ago

Having your children taken away from you by the state and giving the mother of your children unearned wealth under threat of force is 'fine'? I've heard enough "I pay exorbitant amounts of child support but can't see my kids" horror stories to ensure that I will never have children in a western country.

khedoros1 10y ago
That's not remotely related to what the comment you replied to was talking about. They're talking about groups of people that neither have nor want their own children.
- detaro 10y ago
  child support/custody rights is a fairly large topic in the more sensible "mens rights" groups that the post replied to also dismissed. (If that's a reason to not have children is a different question, and probably does depend a lot on the people involved)