5 ms·

I became a full time father and results have been stellar. My boy is now one year old and turns out to be very clever... And very strong. He could crawl at seve

by voidz 10y ago

I became a full time father and results have been stellar. My boy is now one year old and turns out to be very clever... And very strong. He could crawl at seven months and started to learn how to walk at 11 months. His first word was 'hunger' (in Dutch, it sounds virtually the same) at two months, maybe it was imaginative but he was happy to eat after we we heard him say it, haha. Now he can also say 'mama' and 'papa', but it appears that he is deferring the rest of his vocal development until later because he can manage fine by using the Dutch equivalent words for 'that' ('die', sounds like 'thee') and 'food' ('eten', sounds like 'aitan'). His mother is happy that she can focus on her career while leaving him in my care at home, although it's harder than she imagined because she does miss us dearly while away from home and is counting the hours at work... probably because we're two very cool froods (wink). After the infamous initial "post-natal bumpy ride" our relationship is back where it used to be - at 100%. I'm the happiest man ever and wouldn't want it any other way.

cylinder 10y ago
May I ask, would you consider your pre-fatherhood period as ambitious? If so how do you deal with deferring that ambition to be a full-time father? I sometimes feel like this might be the path I take, but I worry about regretting it later down the line.
- voidz 10y ago
  You know, actually I was very ambitious. But during one of the conversations I had with my girlfriend shortly after we became a couple, I started to realise that my ambitions were motivated by all of the wrong reasons. See, even though I love doing the things I'm skilled at (Linux/BSD system and network engineering) I felt ambitious due to the extreme pressure I felt society had on me; like "if you don't have a job, stable income, lots of friends, and great social profiles, your life does not count and you are a useless eater." Almost everything I did was to not let this be so. When my gf who was then still at med school said that she had no problems with the idea of her being the one to provide for us while I'd take care of our personal lives (and kid(s) later on), and that she loved me for who I was and not for what I'd do, it was like this huge weight was lift from my shoulders and stomach. With tears from being relieved I asked if she really meant it because I almost couldn't believe it. And indeed she did. She wasn't against the thought of me having a career. it just wasn't important for our relationship. All she wanted/wants is for me to be happy. When all of this sunk in, it was like my whole future outlook recalibrated. For the first time I felt safe, and like my MO turned from 'surviving' into 'living'. When she became pregnant I immediately knew that I'd made the right choice. It's nice to think about all of this. Thank you for asking.
  - big_youth 10y ago
    This was enlightening. I've met many women who couldn't articulate it, but have described the same feelings after meeting a husband who supported them becoming stay at home moms.
- mbrameld 10y ago
  Ambition isn't only related to a career. You can focus the same ambition on fatherhood and strive to continually progress as a parent.
  - voidz 10y ago
    This is very true, and a beautiful point to make. Thank you.
HFTGuru 10y ago
I've been developing in C, in the finance industry as a high frequency trader as well as being a father. My son is home schooled and is typing elementary level sentences at 3 years old, he can also strum the guitar playing notes C D E F G A B on request. The down side is I work 10-12 hour days, but I get a performance bonus between 400k and 800k every year. I'm hoping I can retire in my late 30's, but I do miss out on a lot of time with my son and I always ask myself is it really worth it... Who know's though, I'm going to ride out the HFT route as long as it exists.
- lj3 10y ago
  Do you mind if I contact you offline so I can pick your brain about HFT and how you got into that? hn@lj3.me
  - deleted 10y ago
    [deleted]
- satysin 10y ago
  Personal opinion... You can always work a few more hours/weeks/months/years when your kid is an adult and living their own life but you won't ever be able to get those childhood years back. Also 50-60 hour work weeks are not healthy for you in the long term unless you are very vigilant with how active you are and take regular (every hour) breaks. Also anecdotally I know several people who planned/hoped to retire in their late 30s/early 40s. None of them did and are still working now in their 50s and even one in their 60s. Mixture of reasons from health problems in the family to financial issues to just not knowing wtf to do when not working now their kids are adults and living their own lives.
  - patja 10y ago
    It is also easy to lose sight of the fact that once your kids are in their teens, they really start living their own lives much more so than in the past. You don't see that you are going to say goodbye to your days as the family's benevolent dictator, waking up in the morning and declaring "today we go to the museum" (or on a hike, or to the workshop to build something together, or ...) so make the most of those formative years while you are still the sun their world revolves around!

by voidz 10y ago

cylinder 10y ago

May I ask, would you consider your pre-fatherhood period as ambitious? If so how do you deal with deferring that ambition to be a full-time father? I sometimes feel like this might be the path I take, but I worry about regretting it later down the line.

voidz 10y ago
You know, actually I was very ambitious. But during one of the conversations I had with my girlfriend shortly after we became a couple, I started to realise that my ambitions were motivated by all of the wrong reasons. See, even though I love doing the things I'm skilled at (Linux/BSD system and network engineering) I felt ambitious due to the extreme pressure I felt society had on me; like "if you don't have a job, stable income, lots of friends, and great social profiles, your life does not count and you are a useless eater." Almost everything I did was to not let this be so. When my gf who was then still at med school said that she had no problems with the idea of her being the one to provide for us while I'd take care of our personal lives (and kid(s) later on), and that she loved me for who I was and not for what I'd do, it was like this huge weight was lift from my shoulders and stomach. With tears from being relieved I asked if she really meant it because I almost couldn't believe it. And indeed she did. She wasn't against the thought of me having a career. it just wasn't important for our relationship. All she wanted/wants is for me to be happy. When all of this sunk in, it was like my whole future outlook recalibrated. For the first time I felt safe, and like my MO turned from 'surviving' into 'living'. When she became pregnant I immediately knew that I'd made the right choice. It's nice to think about all of this. Thank you for asking.
- big_youth 10y ago
  This was enlightening. I've met many women who couldn't articulate it, but have described the same feelings after meeting a husband who supported them becoming stay at home moms.
mbrameld 10y ago
Ambition isn't only related to a career. You can focus the same ambition on fatherhood and strive to continually progress as a parent.
- voidz 10y ago
  This is very true, and a beautiful point to make. Thank you.

HFTGuru 10y ago

I've been developing in C, in the finance industry as a high frequency trader as well as being a father. My son is home schooled and is typing elementary level sentences at 3 years old, he can also strum the guitar playing notes C D E F G A B on request. The down side is I work 10-12 hour days, but I get a performance bonus between 400k and 800k every year. I'm hoping I can retire in my late 30's, but I do miss out on a lot of time with my son and I always ask myself is it really worth it... Who know's though, I'm going to ride out the HFT route as long as it exists.

lj3 10y ago
Do you mind if I contact you offline so I can pick your brain about HFT and how you got into that? hn@lj3.me
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
satysin 10y ago
Personal opinion... You can always work a few more hours/weeks/months/years when your kid is an adult and living their own life but you won't ever be able to get those childhood years back. Also 50-60 hour work weeks are not healthy for you in the long term unless you are very vigilant with how active you are and take regular (every hour) breaks. Also anecdotally I know several people who planned/hoped to retire in their late 30s/early 40s. None of them did and are still working now in their 50s and even one in their 60s. Mixture of reasons from health problems in the family to financial issues to just not knowing wtf to do when not working now their kids are adults and living their own lives.
- patja 10y ago
  It is also easy to lose sight of the fact that once your kids are in their teens, they really start living their own lives much more so than in the past. You don't see that you are going to say goodbye to your days as the family's benevolent dictator, waking up in the morning and declaring "today we go to the museum" (or on a hike, or to the workshop to build something together, or ...) so make the most of those formative years while you are still the sun their world revolves around!