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A hidden source of stress can be a single individual (or two) who causes you ongoing low levels of stress, without you realizing how big a toll it's really taki

A hidden source of stress can be a single individual (or two) who causes you ongoing low levels of stress, without you realizing how big a toll it's really taking on you. I've had it happen, wherein I wonder why I'm feeling anxious, angry, or otherwise. Then, I step back and recognize how a particular person is treating me and realize that a) it's simply wrong/unfair and b) I'm allowing it to happen and allowing it to get to me. It doesn't mean it's malicious or intentional, but it's no less affecting. I'd encourage everyone to step back once in a while and objectively consider their relationships, then tweak, manage, or dispose as necessary.

98Windows 10y ago
>dispose as necessary I've seen this piece of advice float around quite a bit. I always find it really difficult to understand. If you suspect someone in one of your social groups is causing you a big problem, you can't just eliminate them, they are connected to other people you know too (this might be a family or a workplace). Then the question turns into, shall I leave and find new social groups? This is such a high risk act.
- unclebucknasty 10y ago
  Depending on the structure of the group, it can definitely be more complicated and can otherwise be somewhat disruptive to the group. But, there are still ways to put distance between yourself and the source of the problem. And, keep in mind that the distance may not always be physical, but involve other ways to limit contact/interaction. Also, depending on the type of problems the person is causing you, it's very possible that others in your group are experiencing the same from the person and may also want distance, or at least be supportive of you. I've unfortunately had to do it with a member of a close group. It was for the same hostile, destructive behavior the person was clearly displaying towards other members of the group and they were well aware of it. I simply told them I was no longer willing to tolerate it, so couldn't be around when the person was. I also explained that I was responsible for my growing family, who depended on me, and I could not afford the additional stress. It created a rift, but the other members and I still make effort to see each other without this person present. It can usually be done. Virtually any situation can be changed. You just have to decide whether it's worth it. You'll know when it is.

98Windows 10y ago

>dispose as necessary I've seen this piece of advice float around quite a bit. I always find it really difficult to understand. If you suspect someone in one of your social groups is causing you a big problem, you can't just eliminate them, they are connected to other people you know too (this might be a family or a workplace). Then the question turns into, shall I leave and find new social groups? This is such a high risk act.

unclebucknasty 10y ago
Depending on the structure of the group, it can definitely be more complicated and can otherwise be somewhat disruptive to the group. But, there are still ways to put distance between yourself and the source of the problem. And, keep in mind that the distance may not always be physical, but involve other ways to limit contact/interaction. Also, depending on the type of problems the person is causing you, it's very possible that others in your group are experiencing the same from the person and may also want distance, or at least be supportive of you. I've unfortunately had to do it with a member of a close group. It was for the same hostile, destructive behavior the person was clearly displaying towards other members of the group and they were well aware of it. I simply told them I was no longer willing to tolerate it, so couldn't be around when the person was. I also explained that I was responsible for my growing family, who depended on me, and I could not afford the additional stress. It created a rift, but the other members and I still make effort to see each other without this person present. It can usually be done. Virtually any situation can be changed. You just have to decide whether it's worth it. You'll know when it is.