11 ms·

new child

goodcanadian 10y ago
Interesting. This immediately put me in mind of the birth of my own child. While no where near as bad as you describe, my short term memory did kind of go to crap after she was born. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation, which is a kind of stress, I suppose.
- sevensor 10y ago
  Similar experience: twins born at 35 weeks, they're 4 and very healthy now, but I don't remember 2013. At all.
- jyriand 10y ago
  I'm having first child in few months. I'm stressed out as it is, can't even imagine what will happen when he is born. Even worse, I'm working from home.
  - goodcanadian 10y ago
    Always be cautious of advice as every child is different, and any one person's experience may be different from yours. That said, the first three months will almost convince you that you can do it. Babies may only sleep 2 or 3 hours in a row (we were lucky and got four consecutive hours at nighttime), but they sleep a lot in total. If you can handle the sleep disruption, you will actually be left with a lot of time for work. From four months onward, they start to be awake a bit longer and they start to get very interested in what you are doing. It will then begin to get very difficult to work with them around. You might need to find an alternate place to work and/or begin to make alternate child care arrangements.
  - contingencies 10y ago
    You need to get yourself a place to work outside of home.
  - kaffein 10y ago
    I also worked from home when my kids were born. Personally I think you should see it as an opportunity as you can spend time with your child whenever you want to/have a moment during the day. Might even help with the stress. I do think it's important to have an understanding with your partner that you can not be expected to help out when working, and some good headphones can be helpful. And yes, I don't remember what I was going to say 5 minutes ago but I hope that improves when paternity leave ends.
  - roystonvassey 10y ago
    Reading all the replies on this thread on the stress(es) of childbirth, I think a large part of it can be mitigated by having the grandparents around. This is how it usually is in my country (India), though it is changing slowly with younger couples migrating to urban centers. Anecdotally, my sister-in-law has 3 young sons and while both the parents are stressed out more than couples without children, they get a welcome break over the weekends and many weekdays because one of the grandparents is often around to help with taking care of the children. This allows for a lot of freedom and more importantly, the freedom to think that you can get away from it all, even if it is for a few hours. I think (I don't have children myself) that the thought that this young human is completely and totally dependent on you all the time can be extremely discouraging, even if its your own child.
  - summarite 10y ago
    Youll be immensely happy! And exhausted. And fighting a lot. Know that it's all normal. Work early on to get the child a proper sleep routine and don't get them used to sleeping in the big bed, that's what most people do wrong and what pays 'dividends' aka bad sleep for a long time. Also with one child the beautiful thing is that you can split times. So each parent can get some time completely off. But this requires that you get active early on. Start changing diapers on your own and bathing the child early on, so that neither mom nor you ever have doubts that you can handle things alone. It is TERRIFYING but oh so fun and better do it right from day one so you can enjoy it from then on and you are an equal couple from early on. Too many couples hey a bad dynamic where is only the cheap replacement mom never lets go completely, leading to stress for everyone involved. Ideally she will breastfeed at least a few times a day for 6-12 months but even then after a few weeks she can start pumping milk and you can bottle feed, or from some point you can give formula. Remember that while you'll be exhausted she'll be even more so, it's best for your relationship and mental health if mom gets some breaks as well. believe me on that, i only learned that on the second child, when things are anyway more stressful...
- crdev 10y ago
  Interesting... I'm having the same issue. In my case my daughter was born 5 months ago and the lack of sleep and sometimes the bad sleep is causing a direct effect on my memory. Before that, I was able to remember a lot of things, but I guess I'm too tired now. Even reading a book is challenging and I have thousand of books. In our case our daughter was born with hip dysplasia and I was under a lot of stress.
  - junto 10y ago
    One thing my wife and I did that was kind of idiotic with our first child was to both try and deal with the baby at night "as a team". Once we realised that being a team was better visualised as taking on different roles, we functioned way better. As she was on parental leave for a year, it made more sense for her to deal with the baby at night, and for me to get a good night's sleep so I could function during the day at work. She could catch up on some sleep in the day when the baby slept. If you have a spare room then use it if you are both happy with that.
    - crdev 10y ago
      That's great, thanks for sharing it. Another thing that has pros and cons is the fact that I work from home, so I'm always worried if she breaths, sneezes and if she moves :).But I like the idea of working as a team, thanks for the advice!.
myth_drannon 10y ago
It's called Baby brain.
vivekian2 10y ago
Was the stress primarily because of sleep deprivation/multitasking with a new baby? I am just trying to understand.
- WalterSear 10y ago
  There's a lot of people on here discussing the stress of a new child. I don't think they are differentiating between stress, that this study discusses, from lack of sleep, which also affects memory.
  - sevensor 10y ago
    In practice the two will be impossible to tease apart at any rate. Stress and lack of sleep make a feedback loop. The more you feel like you're drowning, the harder it gets to find sleep. Adding nighttime feedings just throws gas on the fire.
    - WalterSear 10y ago
      From a fine grained point of view, yes, stress causes sleep problems. However, stress is a result of, and not the cause of the sleep deprivation that comes with nursing and changing a child throughout the night.
  - khedoros1 10y ago
    I find getting too little sleep very stressful. I'm required to keep doing the same things, but less able to handle those demands. When I don't get enough sleep, I've got worse health, constant headaches, and neck aches. It's its own stressor, as well as having separate negative effects.
    - WalterSear 10y ago
      Yes, but that's a specific physical stressor, resulting in mental stress. It's not what is being examined in the article and modeled in the experiment.

new child

Interesting. This immediately put me in mind of the birth of my own child. While no where near as bad as you describe, my short term memory did kind of go to crap after she was born. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation, which is a kind of stress, I suppose.

sevensor 10y ago
Similar experience: twins born at 35 weeks, they're 4 and very healthy now, but I don't remember 2013. At all.
jyriand 10y ago
I'm having first child in few months. I'm stressed out as it is, can't even imagine what will happen when he is born. Even worse, I'm working from home.
- goodcanadian 10y ago
  Always be cautious of advice as every child is different, and any one person's experience may be different from yours. That said, the first three months will almost convince you that you can do it. Babies may only sleep 2 or 3 hours in a row (we were lucky and got four consecutive hours at nighttime), but they sleep a lot in total. If you can handle the sleep disruption, you will actually be left with a lot of time for work. From four months onward, they start to be awake a bit longer and they start to get very interested in what you are doing. It will then begin to get very difficult to work with them around. You might need to find an alternate place to work and/or begin to make alternate child care arrangements.
- contingencies 10y ago
  You need to get yourself a place to work outside of home.
- kaffein 10y ago
  I also worked from home when my kids were born. Personally I think you should see it as an opportunity as you can spend time with your child whenever you want to/have a moment during the day. Might even help with the stress. I do think it's important to have an understanding with your partner that you can not be expected to help out when working, and some good headphones can be helpful. And yes, I don't remember what I was going to say 5 minutes ago but I hope that improves when paternity leave ends.
- roystonvassey 10y ago
  Reading all the replies on this thread on the stress(es) of childbirth, I think a large part of it can be mitigated by having the grandparents around. This is how it usually is in my country (India), though it is changing slowly with younger couples migrating to urban centers. Anecdotally, my sister-in-law has 3 young sons and while both the parents are stressed out more than couples without children, they get a welcome break over the weekends and many weekdays because one of the grandparents is often around to help with taking care of the children. This allows for a lot of freedom and more importantly, the freedom to think that you can get away from it all, even if it is for a few hours. I think (I don't have children myself) that the thought that this young human is completely and totally dependent on you all the time can be extremely discouraging, even if its your own child.
- summarite 10y ago
  Youll be immensely happy! And exhausted. And fighting a lot. Know that it's all normal. Work early on to get the child a proper sleep routine and don't get them used to sleeping in the big bed, that's what most people do wrong and what pays 'dividends' aka bad sleep for a long time. Also with one child the beautiful thing is that you can split times. So each parent can get some time completely off. But this requires that you get active early on. Start changing diapers on your own and bathing the child early on, so that neither mom nor you ever have doubts that you can handle things alone. It is TERRIFYING but oh so fun and better do it right from day one so you can enjoy it from then on and you are an equal couple from early on. Too many couples hey a bad dynamic where is only the cheap replacement mom never lets go completely, leading to stress for everyone involved. Ideally she will breastfeed at least a few times a day for 6-12 months but even then after a few weeks she can start pumping milk and you can bottle feed, or from some point you can give formula. Remember that while you'll be exhausted she'll be even more so, it's best for your relationship and mental health if mom gets some breaks as well. believe me on that, i only learned that on the second child, when things are anyway more stressful...
crdev 10y ago
Interesting... I'm having the same issue. In my case my daughter was born 5 months ago and the lack of sleep and sometimes the bad sleep is causing a direct effect on my memory. Before that, I was able to remember a lot of things, but I guess I'm too tired now. Even reading a book is challenging and I have thousand of books. In our case our daughter was born with hip dysplasia and I was under a lot of stress.
- junto 10y ago
  One thing my wife and I did that was kind of idiotic with our first child was to both try and deal with the baby at night "as a team". Once we realised that being a team was better visualised as taking on different roles, we functioned way better. As she was on parental leave for a year, it made more sense for her to deal with the baby at night, and for me to get a good night's sleep so I could function during the day at work. She could catch up on some sleep in the day when the baby slept. If you have a spare room then use it if you are both happy with that.
  - crdev 10y ago
    That's great, thanks for sharing it. Another thing that has pros and cons is the fact that I work from home, so I'm always worried if she breaths, sneezes and if she moves :).But I like the idea of working as a team, thanks for the advice!.

myth_drannon 10y ago

It's called Baby brain.

vivekian2 10y ago

Was the stress primarily because of sleep deprivation/multitasking with a new baby? I am just trying to understand.

WalterSear 10y ago
There's a lot of people on here discussing the stress of a new child. I don't think they are differentiating between stress, that this study discusses, from lack of sleep, which also affects memory.
- sevensor 10y ago
  In practice the two will be impossible to tease apart at any rate. Stress and lack of sleep make a feedback loop. The more you feel like you're drowning, the harder it gets to find sleep. Adding nighttime feedings just throws gas on the fire.
  - WalterSear 10y ago
    From a fine grained point of view, yes, stress causes sleep problems. However, stress is a result of, and not the cause of the sleep deprivation that comes with nursing and changing a child throughout the night.
- khedoros1 10y ago
  I find getting too little sleep very stressful. I'm required to keep doing the same things, but less able to handle those demands. When I don't get enough sleep, I've got worse health, constant headaches, and neck aches. It's its own stressor, as well as having separate negative effects.
  - WalterSear 10y ago
    Yes, but that's a specific physical stressor, resulting in mental stress. It's not what is being examined in the article and modeled in the experiment.