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The mom? I have a small child that's been coming up to me with my phone and trying to nonchalantly guide my finger to unlock it since she was 4. She's never do

by cosmie 10y ago

The mom? I have a small child that's been coming up to me with my phone and trying to nonchalantly guide my finger to unlock it since she was 4. She's never done it in my sleep (that I know of), but I don't for a second doubt she'd be able to do it if she was motivated to.

Waterluvian 10y ago
As an upcoming parent, these are the things that scare me. Where my kids start exhibiting what look disturbingly like addictive behaviours. Is this just how kids naturally are, or are screens just so compelling? I remember loving the TV as a kid but recall that somehow, magically, my parents kept me off it outside TV hours without use of a password. I need to figure out that secret before its too late!
- weavie 10y ago
  Yes. Parent of 6 year old here. Screens are the modern day crack cocaine of childhood.
- dvdhnt 10y ago
  Parent here, of a toddler and a 1st grader, and based on my experience it's all about context. For example, if any of the following are true, the TV exists: TV is on or the children are inside and sedentary. Conversely, from the children's perspective, they tend to forget the TV exists or is an option if otherwise preoccupied indoors by activities like painting, reading, playing pretend, etc., or are in fact outdoors. TL;DR - If kids can't see it, it doesn't exist.
  - Waterluvian 10y ago
    That seems very intuitive. I wonder how it translates to mobile devices. I suspect the same applies, so long as I apply the same discipline to providing access to the tablet. If they're inside and sedentary, they'll want it. If it's not tablet time, keep them busy.
    - dvdhnt 10y ago
      You're spot on about your own discipline. Building on what mysterydip said above, your habits transfer almost entirely IMO. For example, if I'm working from home or answering an email, and my wife is using her phone, my daughter will often ask if she can stop whatever it is she is doing, like coloring, and instead play with her tablet. It really does encourage you as a parent to have discipline with not only their screen time but your own as well.
  - mysterydip 10y ago
    To add to this (as the parent of a toddler), your usage patterns may have to change as well. I love taking videos of my daughter and she loves watching them. So when I pull out my phone to check email or a text, if she sees me do it, suddenly it exists in her world and she wants to watch videos asap.
- Latty 10y ago
  Kids are not addicted in most cases, they are exploring. They don't know what options there are, or how far these things go, they just want to try it. If you present a child with lots of options, they won't stay with one all the time, for sure. My parents were worried because I spent too much time reading, I've known people who's parents were worried because they spent too much time with music, or painting, or with friends, or playing football, or swimming, etc... Children find things they like and explore them. Yes, as a parent your job is to get them to try a wider range of things and open them up to other stuff, but it's not 'screens' that are suddenly a new danger.
  - jvvw 10y ago
    Hmm, some games are definitely addictive. We didn't have too many issues with our kids (3 and 6) and screens until recently when our six year old discovered a particular game (slither.io) which I can definitely say he got addicted to. We finally had to resort to putting time limits on his tablet use as he would scarcely talk or think about anything else and wouldn't come for meals, want to go out anywhere etc.
    - Latty 10y ago
      Sure - if other options are rejected in favour of doing one thing (truly one thing - using one device isn't necessarily one thing, although clearly there are limits to the range of activities on a single device, but worth noting), then there could be an issue. I'd argue that's relatively rare though - it usually comes down to a lack of better options or a temporary indulgence. Not saying children can't become hyperfocused on one thing, just that parents tend to claim it's the issue when they aren't giving other options or after what isn't really an excessive amount of time with a thing.
  - gaius 10y ago
    Kids are not addicted in most cases, they are exploring Large teams of adults are exploiting every trick in the book to get them addicted tho'...
- cosmie 10y ago
  In the case of my kid, it's almost always to listen to music, not for screen time. I have several Chromecasts throughout my house, and she knows exactly how to connect to each of them with the Spotify and YouTube Kids apps. So she'll turn on music to the Chromecast in her room then play at her crafting table for a couple of hours while jamming out. She does enjoy playing games as well, but those are timeboxed and she knows better than to try to pull something off like use my thumbprint to get around me telling her no. When she tries to "sneak" a thumbprint to unlock my iPhone, it's because she likes the self-sufficiency of turning on and choosing music herself (or because it's a song[1] I won't play for her anymore in an effort to maintain my sanity). And I really don't mind that self-sufficiency when she's up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday and is trying to be as non-intrusive as possible to let me lay in until a late 7am or so. [1] https://youtu.be/KYlC5CXWHZI https://youtu.be/KYlC5CXWHZI
- owenversteeg 10y ago
  Not a parent, and I don't play one on TV, but here's an idea I just had. Why not just get a device with horrible battery life, and tell the kids you can't use it while it charges? I know kids compare how restrictive their parents are all the time ("my dad lets me do x", "my mom only lets me use the tablet for an hour!") but I don't think they compare battery life of devices. And I really doubt any kid would think their parents are secretly controlling the battery life either. Suddenly, you're on their side, and the conversation shifts. Before: "Daddy, give me the tablet! Now!" After: "Daddy, the tablet's out of batteries, what should we do?" "Oh, let's go outside and play together!
  - inimino 10y ago
    On the one hand you are setting a boundary for the kid. On the other hand you are declining to do so in favor of building the boundary into the situation. Both approaches have merit, but you have to find ways to handle the first one eventually anyway.

by cosmie 10y ago

Waterluvian 10y ago

As an upcoming parent, these are the things that scare me. Where my kids start exhibiting what look disturbingly like addictive behaviours. Is this just how kids naturally are, or are screens just so compelling? I remember loving the TV as a kid but recall that somehow, magically, my parents kept me off it outside TV hours without use of a password. I need to figure out that secret before its too late!

weavie 10y ago
Yes. Parent of 6 year old here. Screens are the modern day crack cocaine of childhood.
dvdhnt 10y ago
Parent here, of a toddler and a 1st grader, and based on my experience it's all about context. For example, if any of the following are true, the TV exists: TV is on or the children are inside and sedentary. Conversely, from the children's perspective, they tend to forget the TV exists or is an option if otherwise preoccupied indoors by activities like painting, reading, playing pretend, etc., or are in fact outdoors. TL;DR - If kids can't see it, it doesn't exist.
- Waterluvian 10y ago
  That seems very intuitive. I wonder how it translates to mobile devices. I suspect the same applies, so long as I apply the same discipline to providing access to the tablet. If they're inside and sedentary, they'll want it. If it's not tablet time, keep them busy.
  - dvdhnt 10y ago
    You're spot on about your own discipline. Building on what mysterydip said above, your habits transfer almost entirely IMO. For example, if I'm working from home or answering an email, and my wife is using her phone, my daughter will often ask if she can stop whatever it is she is doing, like coloring, and instead play with her tablet. It really does encourage you as a parent to have discipline with not only their screen time but your own as well.
- mysterydip 10y ago
  To add to this (as the parent of a toddler), your usage patterns may have to change as well. I love taking videos of my daughter and she loves watching them. So when I pull out my phone to check email or a text, if she sees me do it, suddenly it exists in her world and she wants to watch videos asap.
Latty 10y ago
Kids are not addicted in most cases, they are exploring. They don't know what options there are, or how far these things go, they just want to try it. If you present a child with lots of options, they won't stay with one all the time, for sure. My parents were worried because I spent too much time reading, I've known people who's parents were worried because they spent too much time with music, or painting, or with friends, or playing football, or swimming, etc... Children find things they like and explore them. Yes, as a parent your job is to get them to try a wider range of things and open them up to other stuff, but it's not 'screens' that are suddenly a new danger.
- jvvw 10y ago
  Hmm, some games are definitely addictive. We didn't have too many issues with our kids (3 and 6) and screens until recently when our six year old discovered a particular game (slither.io) which I can definitely say he got addicted to. We finally had to resort to putting time limits on his tablet use as he would scarcely talk or think about anything else and wouldn't come for meals, want to go out anywhere etc.
  - Latty 10y ago
    Sure - if other options are rejected in favour of doing one thing (truly one thing - using one device isn't necessarily one thing, although clearly there are limits to the range of activities on a single device, but worth noting), then there could be an issue. I'd argue that's relatively rare though - it usually comes down to a lack of better options or a temporary indulgence. Not saying children can't become hyperfocused on one thing, just that parents tend to claim it's the issue when they aren't giving other options or after what isn't really an excessive amount of time with a thing.
- gaius 10y ago
  Kids are not addicted in most cases, they are exploring Large teams of adults are exploiting every trick in the book to get them addicted tho'...
cosmie 10y ago
In the case of my kid, it's almost always to listen to music, not for screen time. I have several Chromecasts throughout my house, and she knows exactly how to connect to each of them with the Spotify and YouTube Kids apps. So she'll turn on music to the Chromecast in her room then play at her crafting table for a couple of hours while jamming out. She does enjoy playing games as well, but those are timeboxed and she knows better than to try to pull something off like use my thumbprint to get around me telling her no. When she tries to "sneak" a thumbprint to unlock my iPhone, it's because she likes the self-sufficiency of turning on and choosing music herself (or because it's a song[1] I won't play for her anymore in an effort to maintain my sanity). And I really don't mind that self-sufficiency when she's up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday and is trying to be as non-intrusive as possible to let me lay in until a late 7am or so. [1] https://youtu.be/KYlC5CXWHZI https://youtu.be/KYlC5CXWHZI
owenversteeg 10y ago
Not a parent, and I don't play one on TV, but here's an idea I just had. Why not just get a device with horrible battery life, and tell the kids you can't use it while it charges? I know kids compare how restrictive their parents are all the time ("my dad lets me do x", "my mom only lets me use the tablet for an hour!") but I don't think they compare battery life of devices. And I really doubt any kid would think their parents are secretly controlling the battery life either. Suddenly, you're on their side, and the conversation shifts. Before: "Daddy, give me the tablet! Now!" After: "Daddy, the tablet's out of batteries, what should we do?" "Oh, let's go outside and play together!
- inimino 10y ago
  On the one hand you are setting a boundary for the kid. On the other hand you are declining to do so in favor of building the boundary into the situation. Both approaches have merit, but you have to find ways to handle the first one eventually anyway.