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I've had to post this using a throwaway as I've had to hide this from my employer who only hangs onto me as they don't know the magnitude of the problems we are

I've had to post this using a throwaway as I've had to hide this from my employer who only hangs onto me as they don't know the magnitude of the problems we are facing. They think it's a temporary dip in health. That was throughly depressing and a little too close to home at the moment for me. I can't work out if it's better to burn out in 42 days or live for 7-10 years with a crippling immune disorder and constant care requirement which is what my wife faces. In the space of a week you don't see a difference. In the space of a year, you realise the change. 2016 disappeared in a flash. We did nothing due to hospital appointments and illness. I have to work to pay the bills. You can't live on nothing. So it's work, care, work, care. She declines. We never get to live. At the end we're left with nothing. I implore anyone to enjoy life as soon as possible. Don't save it for a rainy day. It might never rain. We saved and planned and never got to fulfill our plans. And I can't live without her.

luctor_ad_astra 10y ago
My wife died from cancer in November. We were married over twenty years. Life became despair. I can hardly remember 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. Photos serve only to realize the delta you don't realize week to week. What a cruel, cruel disease.
- omginternets 10y ago
  My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences, friend. I can't even begin to imagine the horror of such a loss. From one internet stranger to another: I truly feel for you, and I wish you strength, courage, and ultimately peace. I wish I could do more, but here's a poem in my native language [0]. Victor Hugo wrote this shortly after his daughter's death. I hope it brings you some comfort. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demain_d%C3%A8s_l'aube https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demain_d%C3%A8s_l'aube
late2part 10y ago
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I appreciate your penultimate paragraph - enjoy life. Treasure your wife and your time with her. Enjoy your life and create memories and know if you lose her - you'll have those memories you created together.
kalleboo 10y ago
> I implore anyone to enjoy life as soon as possible. Don't save it for a rainy day. It might never rain. We saved and planned and never got to fulfill our plans. My grandparents saved and made grand plans for trips in retirement, and then my grandfather passed from lung cancer. My parents have always said that money and retirement is wasted on the old, that whole thing should be reversed.
- ams6110 10y ago
  With all due respect and sympathy to those misfortunes described here, it's not a great idea to live only in the moment and never plan for the future. Anecdotal experiences notwithstanding, most people will make it well into retirement, and it's best to be prepared for that.
  - calvano915 10y ago
    Shall we say a balance of both is best? Take opportunities to enjoy life now while investing in a future where you will be free to spend your time as you please and not be forced to work until death.
meesterdude 10y ago
Thank you very much for sharing this. It's gut wrenching to read, and I can only imagine even harder to go through. But. > I can't live without her. What does she want? Because I imagine she would very much want you to live - to live an extremely full and vibrant life. The life you two had hoped to have. On her list of wishes, I'm betting thats among the top. And I bet among them, thats the one wish you could actually make good on. Your love is wonderful - its why you do what you do for her. I hope you spend the rest of your life celebrating it and sharing it with others.
- throw_awayXVIII 10y ago
  Reading carefully, it sounds as though they both have HIV. They both seem to be coping with the prospects of the same terminal illness. I'm uncertain how the range of different life expectancy time frames (days versus years) factors in.
jensvdh 10y ago
> And I can't live without her. Fuck :(

luctor_ad_astra 10y ago

My wife died from cancer in November. We were married over twenty years. Life became despair. I can hardly remember 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. Photos serve only to realize the delta you don't realize week to week. What a cruel, cruel disease.

omginternets 10y ago
My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences, friend. I can't even begin to imagine the horror of such a loss. From one internet stranger to another: I truly feel for you, and I wish you strength, courage, and ultimately peace. I wish I could do more, but here's a poem in my native language [0]. Victor Hugo wrote this shortly after his daughter's death. I hope it brings you some comfort. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demain_d%C3%A8s_l'aube https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demain_d%C3%A8s_l'aube

late2part 10y ago

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I appreciate your penultimate paragraph - enjoy life. Treasure your wife and your time with her. Enjoy your life and create memories and know if you lose her - you'll have those memories you created together.

kalleboo 10y ago

> I implore anyone to enjoy life as soon as possible. Don't save it for a rainy day. It might never rain. We saved and planned and never got to fulfill our plans. My grandparents saved and made grand plans for trips in retirement, and then my grandfather passed from lung cancer. My parents have always said that money and retirement is wasted on the old, that whole thing should be reversed.

ams6110 10y ago
With all due respect and sympathy to those misfortunes described here, it's not a great idea to live only in the moment and never plan for the future. Anecdotal experiences notwithstanding, most people will make it well into retirement, and it's best to be prepared for that.
- calvano915 10y ago
  Shall we say a balance of both is best? Take opportunities to enjoy life now while investing in a future where you will be free to spend your time as you please and not be forced to work until death.

meesterdude 10y ago

Thank you very much for sharing this. It's gut wrenching to read, and I can only imagine even harder to go through. But. > I can't live without her. What does she want? Because I imagine she would very much want you to live - to live an extremely full and vibrant life. The life you two had hoped to have. On her list of wishes, I'm betting thats among the top. And I bet among them, thats the one wish you could actually make good on. Your love is wonderful - its why you do what you do for her. I hope you spend the rest of your life celebrating it and sharing it with others.

throw_awayXVIII 10y ago
Reading carefully, it sounds as though they both have HIV. They both seem to be coping with the prospects of the same terminal illness. I'm uncertain how the range of different life expectancy time frames (days versus years) factors in.

jensvdh 10y ago

> And I can't live without her. Fuck :(