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Lost my wife seven years ago suddenly at the age of 34 [1]. My first relationship after her passing was with someone who herself had become widowed a couple of

by mrbill 10y ago

Lost my wife seven years ago suddenly at the age of 34 [1]. My first relationship after her passing was with someone who herself had become widowed a couple of years before. We'd started out as friends, but ended up dating for about three months. It was incredibly healing for both of us to be able to tell stories about those who had passed, without someone going "WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DEAD SPOUSE?" She's still one of my best friends, seven years later. [1] http://ask.metafilter.com/125445/How-do-you-deal-with-the-unexpected-death-of-a-spouse http://ask.metafilter.com/125445/How-do-you-deal-with-the-un...

mrbill 10y ago
I posted this to Reddit a few years ago and still get messages about it every few days. "June 16, 2009: my wife suddenly passed away at home, at the age of 34. I was the one who found her, and she'd been gone for at least an hour if not more when I did. We'd been together for eleven years. It wasn't perfect - what marriage is? - but things had been worse, and were in the process of finally getting better. Being best friends can help you get through the worst of times. I felt guilty that one of my thoughts was "at least now we won't fight over stupid crap that doesn't really matter". For at least six months, I was on autopilot. I went to work, did what I had to do to get paid, and just. didn't. care. Ate a lot of fast food because I didn't want to expend the energy to go to the grocery store. I bought my cats food from Amazon because they'd deliver it to my front door. Depression is a horrible thing; only now can I look back and realize just how bad it was. It's not every day, but there are times when I think about joining my wife, but then that would just mean an end result of other people having to deal with the aftermath of my problems. There are days when I get home from work and unlock the front door and walk into a quiet house, where I would give up everything I own to have someone there to give me a hug and sincerely ask how my day went and honestly care about my answer. Something so simple as human touch, compassion, and companionship is worth more than anything else in the world. If you've got it, if you have someone that loves you - don't give that up. Don't waste it. Don't be petty or throw it away because of other little things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life. Some of us wonder if we'll ever get to experience it again."

by mrbill 10y ago

mrbill 10y ago

I posted this to Reddit a few years ago and still get messages about it every few days. "June 16, 2009: my wife suddenly passed away at home, at the age of 34. I was the one who found her, and she'd been gone for at least an hour if not more when I did. We'd been together for eleven years. It wasn't perfect - what marriage is? - but things had been worse, and were in the process of finally getting better. Being best friends can help you get through the worst of times. I felt guilty that one of my thoughts was "at least now we won't fight over stupid crap that doesn't really matter". For at least six months, I was on autopilot. I went to work, did what I had to do to get paid, and just. didn't. care. Ate a lot of fast food because I didn't want to expend the energy to go to the grocery store. I bought my cats food from Amazon because they'd deliver it to my front door. Depression is a horrible thing; only now can I look back and realize just how bad it was. It's not every day, but there are times when I think about joining my wife, but then that would just mean an end result of other people having to deal with the aftermath of my problems. There are days when I get home from work and unlock the front door and walk into a quiet house, where I would give up everything I own to have someone there to give me a hug and sincerely ask how my day went and honestly care about my answer. Something so simple as human touch, compassion, and companionship is worth more than anything else in the world. If you've got it, if you have someone that loves you - don't give that up. Don't waste it. Don't be petty or throw it away because of other little things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life. Some of us wonder if we'll ever get to experience it again."