>I've started wondering if I am on the spectrum. This is an honest fear of mine. Maybe "fear" isn't the right word, but I feel like I exhibit behaviors that wo

>I've started wondering if I am on the spectrum. This is an honest fear of mine. Maybe "fear" isn't the right word, but I feel like I exhibit behaviors that would indicate I'm on the spectrum, but they're always intentional and rooted in the idea that I don't want to bother or disturb others. So I keep to myself, avoid eye contact, and don't initiate conversation if it's for "selfish" reasons. I need an excuse to be social that isn't just "because I want to". If I have such an excuse (like I'm part of an established group, or it's business related, or so on), I have absolutely no problem. Only when the purpose is personal or self-serving do I have problems. Not because I don't want to interact, but because my fear is that in doing so I'll just upset or annoy everyone else. I've been actively fighting this peculiarity for many years (with professional help) and while it's gotten better it's still very difficult. And I think from an outside perspective this comes off as a bit like mild autistic behavior.