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> find that people appreciate social interactions where they feel comfortable How is that done?

by navait 10y ago

dwaltrip 10y ago
Acceptance and empathy. It can take a lot of practice. You need to ascertain where the person is mentally and emotionally, and meet them there.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
gooseus 10y ago
It's not easy until it is, but it didn't really come naturally to me. Acceptance and empathy are important as my sibling mentioned already, but those are hard things to just "do". I've been continuously trending toward more comfortable in my own skin as I've gotten older, though I've also actively worked toward breaking down my internal belief systems and assumptions about people, the world and what people expect of me. I've done that by exploring a lot of psychology, philosophy, spirituality and mind-altering experiences to get out of my own head. I think the most profound effect has been from combination ayahuasca/san pedro plant medicine ceremonies though I don't know how much all the prior work I'd done toward breaking down my ego academically set me up to take advantage of those experiences. I think the biggest thing that makes people feel uncomfortable in social situations is anxiety and insecurity... which are both just forms of fear. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being perceived as "less than", fear of being rejected or humiliated by exposing too much of yourself. These are all things that might not be conscious thoughts, but the underlying signal does come across in body language, intonation and automatic reactions which can make people feel uneasy. I think the first step is to become more mindful of how you're carrying yourself in social situations, which means focusing less at "succeeding" in a social situation and more seeing about what you can learn from them. How do "successful" socializers carry themselves? How does their reaction compare to how you would have reacted? Why would you have reacted the way you would have and why do you think they reacted the way they did? Eventually you stop thinking about it and you say something you see gets a more positive reaction (like asking an interesting question of someone) and you consciously avoid doing something that probably would have gotten a negative reaction (like bringing the conversation back to yourself for the third time) Another thing that helps is realizing that other people are in the exact same boat for the most part and they aren't judging you as much as you might think and are much more willing to forgive a fuck up. Fucking up in a social situation and not being weird can actually be really good since it's an opportunity to let other people feel like you won't care if they say something stupid... it's like an agreed step down of the social threat level. Alright, prob wrote more than necessary, but soooo bored waiting on this holiday commute.

> find that people appreciate social interactions where they feel comfortable How is that done?

by navait 10y ago

> find that people appreciate social interactions where they feel comfortable How is that done?

Acceptance and empathy. It can take a lot of practice. You need to ascertain where the person is mentally and emotionally, and meet them there.

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

gooseus 10y ago

It's not easy until it is, but it didn't really come naturally to me. Acceptance and empathy are important as my sibling mentioned already, but those are hard things to just "do". I've been continuously trending toward more comfortable in my own skin as I've gotten older, though I've also actively worked toward breaking down my internal belief systems and assumptions about people, the world and what people expect of me. I've done that by exploring a lot of psychology, philosophy, spirituality and mind-altering experiences to get out of my own head. I think the most profound effect has been from combination ayahuasca/san pedro plant medicine ceremonies though I don't know how much all the prior work I'd done toward breaking down my ego academically set me up to take advantage of those experiences. I think the biggest thing that makes people feel uncomfortable in social situations is anxiety and insecurity... which are both just forms of fear. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being perceived as "less than", fear of being rejected or humiliated by exposing too much of yourself. These are all things that might not be conscious thoughts, but the underlying signal does come across in body language, intonation and automatic reactions which can make people feel uneasy. I think the first step is to become more mindful of how you're carrying yourself in social situations, which means focusing less at "succeeding" in a social situation and more seeing about what you can learn from them. How do "successful" socializers carry themselves? How does their reaction compare to how you would have reacted? Why would you have reacted the way you would have and why do you think they reacted the way they did? Eventually you stop thinking about it and you say something you see gets a more positive reaction (like asking an interesting question of someone) and you consciously avoid doing something that probably would have gotten a negative reaction (like bringing the conversation back to yourself for the third time) Another thing that helps is realizing that other people are in the exact same boat for the most part and they aren't judging you as much as you might think and are much more willing to forgive a fuck up. Fucking up in a social situation and not being weird can actually be really good since it's an opportunity to let other people feel like you won't care if they say something stupid... it's like an agreed step down of the social threat level. Alright, prob wrote more than necessary, but soooo bored waiting on this holiday commute.