5 ms·

i speak with strangers in bars all the time, seriously. I thought it's one of the reasons bars exists. Even most tinder-dates start in bars, because if it's not

i speak with strangers in bars all the time, seriously. I thought it's one of the reasons bars exists. Even most tinder-dates start in bars, because if it's not going anywhere there other people to talk to. You just might not get laid.

nommm-nommm 10y ago
Can confirm, I met my spouse in a bar. I also became good friends with a bartender who I met when she was serving me. She no longer bartends now that she's out of school but we still see each other all the time. A lot of my friends now usually prefer to meet out rather than have someone come over. It takes the pressure off to be a host.
tnecniv 10y ago
I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.
- LeanderK 10y ago
  well, if i am not interested in keeping the conversation between me and the friends i am meeting or if i want to talk to strangers because they're late/i am in a foreign city etc. what works for me is to sit directly at the bar (is this correct english, i hope you understand what i mean). It's way easier to start a conversation there.
  - tnecniv 10y ago
    Yeah I prefer to sit at the bar (that's the correct phrase), but I think my problem is more what wott said. The bars I go to just have a "come with your group of friends and only talk to them" culture. Thus, me going alone doesn't really give me interaction other than a quick chat with the bartender.
- alashley 10y ago
  I could be wrong but I feel like its generally more difficult to meet people at bars in small town, and its also tougher to fail fast. Bars in big cities provide more opportunities but then I think people are generally seen as more "disposable" if that make sense. This is coming from someone who also feels like they have been going to the wrong bars.
- wott 10y ago
  > I must be going to the wrong bars. Very likely. There are bars where people go to be alone; bars were people go in a group to stay purely within their group; bars where people go to meet between regulars and are closed to newcomers; bars where people are opened to anyone, regulars or 5-minute newcomer; etc. The most classy, and also often the most hyped ones are the coldest ones. The most popular are often the warmest... providing that you manage to get into the 'family' circle if it is a matter of regulars/locals; or that you belong to the same scene if it is a subculture oriented place. And it also depends also on you. And not necessarily as you expect. I am amongst the most introverted, shy, less talkative persons ever, and yet bartenders and regulars generally great me by calling my name on my 2nd or 3rd visit in a bar while some mates who've been coming to the same place dozens of times in are given the cold shoulder (I have plenty of examples like this, it was quite funny sometimes to see how upset by the situation my mate was :-).
  - skybrian 10y ago
    How would you explain your good luck? Do you think it will work for other people?
    - karmelapple 10y ago
      I don't know the parent commenter, but I am confident he or she would not characterize that as luck. Here's a book that can help you stop thinking it has anything to do with luck: How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships [1] [1] https://amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X https://amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/...
  - Frondo 10y ago
    I would also add, if getting-to-know-you conversation is difficult for you, memorize a list of about 10 basic questions (do you have any siblings, did you grow up here, what's something you really enjoyed about the last year, etc). Ask people these and be ready to share your answers, and it'll become pretty clear when someone wants to be your friend. I too have made friends with strangers I've met in bars, as well as with servers and bartenders at places I've been a regular.
- icantdrive55 10y ago
  I have been to too many bars over the decades. I usually went because I wanted to meet someone new. I had very mixed results. While I had mixed results; people did seem to interact with eachother. Yes--it was small talk, but interaction. Fast forward to today. The smart phone seems to have just ruined the experience all together. I can blame myself--I'm not the same social person? I've aged? I don't find people and their stories as interesting? Blah--blah--blah? I don't know? I do know that Phone Stare is really played out. It seems like everyone is engrossed in that screen? The last time I was out, I was in an Irish themed bar in San Francisco. The older Bartender was asked a question by a patron. "This place is dead?" He then said, "Maybe you should put the phone away? Plus, the led light brings out all the fine lines around the eyes?" Yea--it was kinda rude, but he said it in a joking way, and with that Irish accent it came across as kinda endearing. Someting a father might say? The phone eventually went into the bag. A person sat next to her, and asked her if he could buy her a drink. They talked, and talked. They genuinely seemed content-- I walked out, and it seemed like 90% of the patrons were still staring into that screen. All looked kinda misserable. I thought--what could be so interesting? A fifteen dollar drink, and waste the time on the screen? I don't know if we are going to put the phone away, but I hope I'm still around if that day comes. (I understand pulling out the phone if your socially awkward, or shy, but after awhile of Staring into the Abyss, put it away? And yes, if your at lunch putting together that huge business deal; I get it, but most of us just arn't that important. You're in a bar because your lonely. Admit it! Own it! Life is short--no one is judging you, nor cares. That phone is a huge turn off on so many levels. This goes two fold for guys.)
  - woogiewonka 10y ago
    Go up to the person staring at their phone and say all that :) "you're lonely, admit it! That's why you're here!" Haha.
  - zeroer 10y ago
    15 dollar drinks !!?!
  - rl3 10y ago
    >The last time I was out, I was in an Irish themed bar in San Francisco. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_pub#North_America https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_pub#North_America A typical "Irish pub" these days is usually the bar equivalent of Applebee's. However, the bartender in your story definitely sounded legit. :) I find that small, established live music venues that operate a bar regardless of shows tend to be far more "real". There's usually only a few of these in any given major metropolitan area. The phone stare ratio is far lower than average, but you run into the opposite problem: everyone knows everyone, and you're the outsider. Of course, that's usually a healthy sign that just indicates the place is worth becoming a regular at.
- nommm-nommm 10y ago
  Try small bars.
- scottmf 10y ago
  Where do you live? In NYC I feel much more welcome talking to strangers in bars than I do in London.
  - tnecniv 10y ago
    Philadelphia

nommm-nommm 10y ago

Can confirm, I met my spouse in a bar. I also became good friends with a bartender who I met when she was serving me. She no longer bartends now that she's out of school but we still see each other all the time. A lot of my friends now usually prefer to meet out rather than have someone come over. It takes the pressure off to be a host.

tnecniv 10y ago

I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.

LeanderK 10y ago
well, if i am not interested in keeping the conversation between me and the friends i am meeting or if i want to talk to strangers because they're late/i am in a foreign city etc. what works for me is to sit directly at the bar (is this correct english, i hope you understand what i mean). It's way easier to start a conversation there.
- tnecniv 10y ago
  Yeah I prefer to sit at the bar (that's the correct phrase), but I think my problem is more what wott said. The bars I go to just have a "come with your group of friends and only talk to them" culture. Thus, me going alone doesn't really give me interaction other than a quick chat with the bartender.
alashley 10y ago
I could be wrong but I feel like its generally more difficult to meet people at bars in small town, and its also tougher to fail fast. Bars in big cities provide more opportunities but then I think people are generally seen as more "disposable" if that make sense. This is coming from someone who also feels like they have been going to the wrong bars.
wott 10y ago
> I must be going to the wrong bars. Very likely. There are bars where people go to be alone; bars were people go in a group to stay purely within their group; bars where people go to meet between regulars and are closed to newcomers; bars where people are opened to anyone, regulars or 5-minute newcomer; etc. The most classy, and also often the most hyped ones are the coldest ones. The most popular are often the warmest... providing that you manage to get into the 'family' circle if it is a matter of regulars/locals; or that you belong to the same scene if it is a subculture oriented place. And it also depends also on you. And not necessarily as you expect. I am amongst the most introverted, shy, less talkative persons ever, and yet bartenders and regulars generally great me by calling my name on my 2nd or 3rd visit in a bar while some mates who've been coming to the same place dozens of times in are given the cold shoulder (I have plenty of examples like this, it was quite funny sometimes to see how upset by the situation my mate was :-).
- skybrian 10y ago
  How would you explain your good luck? Do you think it will work for other people?
  - karmelapple 10y ago
    I don't know the parent commenter, but I am confident he or she would not characterize that as luck. Here's a book that can help you stop thinking it has anything to do with luck: How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships [1] [1] https://amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X https://amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/...
- Frondo 10y ago
  I would also add, if getting-to-know-you conversation is difficult for you, memorize a list of about 10 basic questions (do you have any siblings, did you grow up here, what's something you really enjoyed about the last year, etc). Ask people these and be ready to share your answers, and it'll become pretty clear when someone wants to be your friend. I too have made friends with strangers I've met in bars, as well as with servers and bartenders at places I've been a regular.
icantdrive55 10y ago
I have been to too many bars over the decades. I usually went because I wanted to meet someone new. I had very mixed results. While I had mixed results; people did seem to interact with eachother. Yes--it was small talk, but interaction. Fast forward to today. The smart phone seems to have just ruined the experience all together. I can blame myself--I'm not the same social person? I've aged? I don't find people and their stories as interesting? Blah--blah--blah? I don't know? I do know that Phone Stare is really played out. It seems like everyone is engrossed in that screen? The last time I was out, I was in an Irish themed bar in San Francisco. The older Bartender was asked a question by a patron. "This place is dead?" He then said, "Maybe you should put the phone away? Plus, the led light brings out all the fine lines around the eyes?" Yea--it was kinda rude, but he said it in a joking way, and with that Irish accent it came across as kinda endearing. Someting a father might say? The phone eventually went into the bag. A person sat next to her, and asked her if he could buy her a drink. They talked, and talked. They genuinely seemed content-- I walked out, and it seemed like 90% of the patrons were still staring into that screen. All looked kinda misserable. I thought--what could be so interesting? A fifteen dollar drink, and waste the time on the screen? I don't know if we are going to put the phone away, but I hope I'm still around if that day comes. (I understand pulling out the phone if your socially awkward, or shy, but after awhile of Staring into the Abyss, put it away? And yes, if your at lunch putting together that huge business deal; I get it, but most of us just arn't that important. You're in a bar because your lonely. Admit it! Own it! Life is short--no one is judging you, nor cares. That phone is a huge turn off on so many levels. This goes two fold for guys.)
- woogiewonka 10y ago
  Go up to the person staring at their phone and say all that :) "you're lonely, admit it! That's why you're here!" Haha.
- zeroer 10y ago
  15 dollar drinks !!?!
- rl3 10y ago
  >The last time I was out, I was in an Irish themed bar in San Francisco. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_pub#North_America https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_pub#North_America A typical "Irish pub" these days is usually the bar equivalent of Applebee's. However, the bartender in your story definitely sounded legit. :) I find that small, established live music venues that operate a bar regardless of shows tend to be far more "real". There's usually only a few of these in any given major metropolitan area. The phone stare ratio is far lower than average, but you run into the opposite problem: everyone knows everyone, and you're the outsider. Of course, that's usually a healthy sign that just indicates the place is worth becoming a regular at.
nommm-nommm 10y ago
Try small bars.
scottmf 10y ago
Where do you live? In NYC I feel much more welcome talking to strangers in bars than I do in London.
- tnecniv 10y ago
  Philadelphia