3 ms·

As a foreigner living in the U.S., I have to admit this obsession with leaving your parents house kinda baffles me. I'm from Brazil, and despite nearing my thi

As a foreigner living in the U.S., I have to admit this obsession with leaving your parents house kinda baffles me. I'm from Brazil, and despite nearing my thirties, back home the majority of my friends live with their parents and it is hardly seen as a big deal. I think a big driver of this shift is the fact that in the U.S. it is extremely common for one to leave for college, whereas in Brazil literally 100% of my friends who went to school in the country resided with their parents while they were in school. One of the things that most attract me about the U.S. is the fact that opportunity and mobility is so rampant, and you have people crossing the country for jobs and a different life. That is a superb thing. But what I never, ever understood is seeing young friends of mine who get jobs in their hometowns but who stubbornly "move out" even if they are barely making enough to survive. In terms of lifetime earnings, those few thousand dollars a month that go to a stranger for rent are so, so valuable. Another point this statistic does not take into account is that the current generation of "parents" are also on average better off than their parents were. The prospect of "living with the parents" would have seemed worse for my father than it did for me. I get that there are economic forces "forcing" kids to stay home, but I'm sure there is also a genuine shift in preference as well.

ebbv 10y ago
Speaking for myself, growing up in the US I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house and live on my own. My friends were the same way. The reasons having my own place was appealing to me really boil down to independence. Being able to choose where I live, being able to decide my own priorities, not dealing with them being around and pestering me, having peace and quiet when I want it and being able to blast my music that they don't like without being asked to turn it down. Being able to have my friends over. Being able to have girls over. Being able to move in with a girlfriend (which is what I did when I moved out.) I love my parents but I cannot live with them. They annoy me within a few hours of being around them. We don't like the same things. We don't like the same music, the same TV shows, we don't hold similar politics, they are religious and I am an atheist. We just aren't compatible.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- slededit 10y ago
  Why is liking the same TV shows a precondition to living with them? I think the real underlying problem is American's don't seem big on the "live and let live" philosophy on the micro level. Which is strange because there is so much more diversity among larger groups.
e40 10y ago
The level of independence of children after they get out of primary school is largely a function of wealth and cost of living (for university). In places like Brazil, I would expect more people to live at home with their parents. In the US now, as compared to the 70's, say, it's also true. In the 70's, when you graduated from HS, it was very rare for kids to stay at home. There were usually enough opportunities for them to get jobs and be independent. For me, university was cheap enough that I was able to work and pay my own tuition. My parents helped a little with housing in the first 2-3 years, but everything else I provided. Almost everyone I knew back then was in the same boat. Unless you're talking an affluent area, where kids can come out of university with no debt and very useful degrees, what I experienced in the 70's is much rarer now. So, Brazil and the US, with the middle class both hit pretty hard in the recent decade, is entering a different phase.

ebbv 10y ago

Speaking for myself, growing up in the US I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house and live on my own. My friends were the same way. The reasons having my own place was appealing to me really boil down to independence. Being able to choose where I live, being able to decide my own priorities, not dealing with them being around and pestering me, having peace and quiet when I want it and being able to blast my music that they don't like without being asked to turn it down. Being able to have my friends over. Being able to have girls over. Being able to move in with a girlfriend (which is what I did when I moved out.) I love my parents but I cannot live with them. They annoy me within a few hours of being around them. We don't like the same things. We don't like the same music, the same TV shows, we don't hold similar politics, they are religious and I am an atheist. We just aren't compatible.

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
slededit 10y ago
Why is liking the same TV shows a precondition to living with them? I think the real underlying problem is American's don't seem big on the "live and let live" philosophy on the micro level. Which is strange because there is so much more diversity among larger groups.

e40 10y ago

The level of independence of children after they get out of primary school is largely a function of wealth and cost of living (for university). In places like Brazil, I would expect more people to live at home with their parents. In the US now, as compared to the 70's, say, it's also true. In the 70's, when you graduated from HS, it was very rare for kids to stay at home. There were usually enough opportunities for them to get jobs and be independent. For me, university was cheap enough that I was able to work and pay my own tuition. My parents helped a little with housing in the first 2-3 years, but everything else I provided. Almost everyone I knew back then was in the same boat. Unless you're talking an affluent area, where kids can come out of university with no debt and very useful degrees, what I experienced in the 70's is much rarer now. So, Brazil and the US, with the middle class both hit pretty hard in the recent decade, is entering a different phase.