4 ms·

It's unreal how greatly the human experience can vary - I was born in the uk to itinerant parents (finance father), raised by a series of aupairs, and was sent

It's unreal how greatly the human experience can vary - I was born in the uk to itinerant parents (finance father), raised by a series of aupairs, and was sent to boarding school at six. Despite my parents being wealthy and having the space, I did not have a room at home from that point - when I went home for holidays, I would stay in the guest room, and when my brother was born, his room. When I "left home" at 16 upon completing school and going to university, it couldn't have been less of an issue - as it was no different to going back to school. I'm sure my family is an extreme example, but there's definitely a culture in the west, particularly among elites, where getting shot of your kids as soon as possible is highly desirable. I have a perfectly ok relationship with each of them - see each once every few years, we're friendly and civil - but I've never really viewed them as parents - those would have been my aupairs and then the regimented institution of public school.

sadface4004 10y ago
This comment makes me sad. Children should be loved and cherished, not abandoned.
- rarec 10y ago
  You presume being loved and cherished involves having to live together. I moved out quite early on myself, and my relationship with my parents is quite fine. (From the US for context)
  - sadface4004 10y ago
    > You presume being loved and cherished involves having to live together. I presume no such thing. Although any feelings a six year old has of feeling being loved and cherished are greatly enhanced by living together with their parent(s). That being said, what I do consider abandonment is being raised by au pairs and shipped off to boarding school by age six. > I moved out quite early on myself, and my relationship with my parents is quite fine. (From the US for context) Moving out of your own free will is quite different from being put into boarding school at age six.
  - da02 10y ago
    How were you able to afford to move out early?
- jliptzin 10y ago
  I don't know, it seems to have worked for his family. Maybe his parents realized early on that they were too career focused to be good parents.
  - sadface4004 10y ago
    Perhaps. But why did they then chose to have a second child?
    - madaxe_again 10y ago
      Both of us were accidents - hence the seven year gap - kids had never really been part of the plan. To say we were unloved would be wrong - but we were inconvenient, and never allowed to forget it. I'm glad to say that my dad seems to be getting it right the second time around, with wife 2.0, which underscores my upbringing being culturally rather than idiopathically driven - in the culture in which they lived, kids were there to convey status, and not much else. Honestly, my family dynamic is all sorts of weird to most, but not unfamiliar to many who shared a parallel experience with me.
      - sadface4004 10y ago
        > Both of us were accidents I wish people didn't feel obligated to have children if they know they don't want children or know they aren't up to doing it properly. It's not like accidents can't be "fixed". This isn't directly aimed at you, I'm sure you are a wonderful person and are happy about this accident. I just feel children should not be had as status symbols or out of obligation. > To say we were unloved would be wrong - but we were inconvenient, and never allowed to forget it. Loved, but inconvenient. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that one :) I guess that's cognitive dissonance. Regardless, all the best. Thanks for sharing.
rconti 10y ago
We have boarding schools in the US, too, but the concept is so completely foreign to me, regardless. I've never met someone who went to one.
internaut 10y ago
This is not uncommon among the upper classes I've known. FWIW: Here is a gruff internet hug/shoulder squeeze.

sadface4004 10y ago

This comment makes me sad. Children should be loved and cherished, not abandoned.

rarec 10y ago
You presume being loved and cherished involves having to live together. I moved out quite early on myself, and my relationship with my parents is quite fine. (From the US for context)
- sadface4004 10y ago
  > You presume being loved and cherished involves having to live together. I presume no such thing. Although any feelings a six year old has of feeling being loved and cherished are greatly enhanced by living together with their parent(s). That being said, what I do consider abandonment is being raised by au pairs and shipped off to boarding school by age six. > I moved out quite early on myself, and my relationship with my parents is quite fine. (From the US for context) Moving out of your own free will is quite different from being put into boarding school at age six.
- da02 10y ago
  How were you able to afford to move out early?
jliptzin 10y ago
I don't know, it seems to have worked for his family. Maybe his parents realized early on that they were too career focused to be good parents.
- sadface4004 10y ago
  Perhaps. But why did they then chose to have a second child?
  - madaxe_again 10y ago
    Both of us were accidents - hence the seven year gap - kids had never really been part of the plan. To say we were unloved would be wrong - but we were inconvenient, and never allowed to forget it. I'm glad to say that my dad seems to be getting it right the second time around, with wife 2.0, which underscores my upbringing being culturally rather than idiopathically driven - in the culture in which they lived, kids were there to convey status, and not much else. Honestly, my family dynamic is all sorts of weird to most, but not unfamiliar to many who shared a parallel experience with me.
    - sadface4004 10y ago
      > Both of us were accidents I wish people didn't feel obligated to have children if they know they don't want children or know they aren't up to doing it properly. It's not like accidents can't be "fixed". This isn't directly aimed at you, I'm sure you are a wonderful person and are happy about this accident. I just feel children should not be had as status symbols or out of obligation. > To say we were unloved would be wrong - but we were inconvenient, and never allowed to forget it. Loved, but inconvenient. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that one :) I guess that's cognitive dissonance. Regardless, all the best. Thanks for sharing.

rconti 10y ago

We have boarding schools in the US, too, but the concept is so completely foreign to me, regardless. I've never met someone who went to one.

internaut 10y ago

This is not uncommon among the upper classes I've known. FWIW: Here is a gruff internet hug/shoulder squeeze.