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So, I'm only six months in the wilderness, and hindsight may well prove me naive, but I never want to sit behind a desk again. I left the business I founded 11

So, I'm only six months in the wilderness, and hindsight may well prove me naive, but I never want to sit behind a desk again. I left the business I founded 11 years ago 6 months ago - not because it was failing - they go from strength to strength - but rather because it was making me miserable - the fun freewheeling startup completely metamorphosed into a serious organisation complete with office politics and all the rest. I cashed out for a relatively meagre sum - halved my net worth in the process, which now sits at about £1m 40:60 cash:assets. I'm 33. I plan to see every nook and cranny of the world and to take my time about it - bought an old Land Rover, driving everywhere. A big part of the reason I left was identity. I had come to realise that my company was my identity, my life, my entire existence, and that I had remoulded myself continually to embody the company as it morphed and grew. Eventually I could no longer identify myself within the layers of inherited identity, and had lost all passion for the things that once drove me. I was CTO, not human, not alive. Since leaving I'm slowly remembering life - despite having had time off over the last decade, there was only one one month period five years ago when I was uncontactable - other holidays were consumed by me staring at my phone and muttering curses as I'd hammer out emails. It's going to take years to shed the burden, but already after six months I find myself slowly becoming less neurotic, less anxious, although I still have nightmares every night like clockwork. The capital I have is not enough to retire on in the uk, but it is enough to retire in many other parts of the world. Then again, I've always been pathologicallly lazy, and status has always been no more than a game to me, and I derive my identity (well, I did before I drowned it) very idiopathically, so perhaps I am an oddity rather than the norm. This has ended up a ramble. I suppose my gist is that I currently believe it better to derive identity from something other than a manufactured corporate persona, or a job role. I just smile and say I'm unemployed.

kagamine 10y ago
Well done on buying an old Land Rover, and welcome to the club. The satisfaction I get from the upkeep and tinkering with mine is at least as great as the satisfaction I get from work. Honestly, if I never had to work there would another Land Rover and full rebuild. And I'd get to work on those side projects if I had the time. I could be very productive if I wasn't having to earn a living.
- madaxe_again 10y ago
  I had a series IIa back when I was myself and before I became a drone in the collective - rebuilt it completely, chassis, wiring loom, bulkheads, etc., fairey overdrive, loved it. Sold it during the early days of the business to be able to eat and pay for the internet connection. I want to write. I want to be highly impractical and live in the mountains away from the madness. I recognise that what I want may well change, and that's OK too. I'm advantaged financially but I've paid for it with far more than time. I suppose it all balances out.
  - kagamine 10y ago
    What do you have now? Mine's S3 Lightweight witha hard top that was on RAF Kinloss for its service life.
    - madaxe_again 10y ago
      How funny - I used to fly from Kinloss and Lossie as a cadet. It's a '87 110, in beautiful slightly weathered nick as it used to be someone else's expedition vehicle - chassis goes ping, not thud, engine runs smooth and burns less oil than expected, snorkelled up etc. gators on the steering joints and chrome balls. Need a winch, hi-lift and all that jazz, and we hit the road in May next. If anything I'm having to resist going overboard, as the last road trip (that month of freedom from the digital shackles five years back) was in a merc 190e, and it covered the 8000 miles to Kyrgyzstan, even if the exhaust system and "sump guard" (plastic excuse for) didn't!
vidarh 10y ago
Good for you. I used to want the big payoff myself too, but have come to set a similar goal to what you've ended up with. £1m may not be "enough" in the UK, depending on how you want to live, but it's not that far off even in the UK if you structure your life accordingly (I recently reviewed my finances, and realised I spent more on trivial luxuries than what I used to live off total 10-15 years ago..). In any case, it's "close enough" even in the UK - at least outside of the most expensive areas -, that it can get someone that big step from depending on a job to being able to take work now and again or pick more fulfilling options that might not be able to pay the bills on their own. If you're in tech, as well, there's a lot of flexibility in picking up occasional well paid contracts. I just took on a contract from a guy in a similar position who'd just randomly travelling and doing contracts now and again to replenish his funds, who left the contract in question because he's going to spend 6 months somewhere he can't depend on getting an internet connection... For my part I'm working my ass off at the moment, largely because I finally see an end-goal of a "modest" early "retirement" like yours in sight. For my part, I'll probably still keep "working", as I enjoy a lot of what I do, but there's a huge difference between "working" on projects that feel like you're playing and where there's no pressure to make it pay off, and having to deliver or not be able to pay the bills...
EmptyBoat 10y ago
I also confounded identity & work and burned vacation time with stress and anger. I've also quit, though not able to go into the wilderness, at least in the natural park sense. Not working, as mentioned in the article, brings about its own form of wilderness. Reminds me, I once tried a 36 hour day routine. What drove me nuts and eventually to quit was not eating lunch at noon everyday.
fegu 10y ago
But what about companionship? I would love to go but my girlfriend has an ordinary job.
- madaxe_again 10y ago
  I married my girlfriend in the midst of turning everything upside down in August - after five years I realised that if she had managed to stick with me through my increasing derangement, there was nothing to wait for. It has been a fairly... tough is the wrong word... diplomatic? discoursive? few months, but despite having just started a promising career, she's game for trying something completely different - if it all goes pear shaped then she can start afresh, as she'd invested only six months and emotional energy, as can I - but while we're unburdened by sprogs and gammy hips or what have you problems of age we agreed on taking the opportunity. So it takes compromise, but even were I alone, I'd likely be doing the same - when you travel, particularly alone, you meet kindred spirits - some of my fastest friends are fellow travellers I've met in the damndest places.
bradyo 10y ago
> Since leaving I'm slowly remembering life - despite having had time off over the last decade, there was only one one month period five years ago when I was uncontactable - other holidays were consumed by me staring at my phone and muttering curses as I'd hammer out emails. Life doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can both continue to work at a desk and also take unaccountable breaks - in fact, if you're rich enough, you can do whatever the hell you want. To be fair, the article does seem to insinuate people will return to like a totally normal 40-hour workweek, but you can also return to a 10-hour part-time job or start a non-profit or something.

kagamine 10y ago

Well done on buying an old Land Rover, and welcome to the club. The satisfaction I get from the upkeep and tinkering with mine is at least as great as the satisfaction I get from work. Honestly, if I never had to work there would another Land Rover and full rebuild. And I'd get to work on those side projects if I had the time. I could be very productive if I wasn't having to earn a living.

madaxe_again 10y ago
I had a series IIa back when I was myself and before I became a drone in the collective - rebuilt it completely, chassis, wiring loom, bulkheads, etc., fairey overdrive, loved it. Sold it during the early days of the business to be able to eat and pay for the internet connection. I want to write. I want to be highly impractical and live in the mountains away from the madness. I recognise that what I want may well change, and that's OK too. I'm advantaged financially but I've paid for it with far more than time. I suppose it all balances out.
- kagamine 10y ago
  What do you have now? Mine's S3 Lightweight witha hard top that was on RAF Kinloss for its service life.
  - madaxe_again 10y ago
    How funny - I used to fly from Kinloss and Lossie as a cadet. It's a '87 110, in beautiful slightly weathered nick as it used to be someone else's expedition vehicle - chassis goes ping, not thud, engine runs smooth and burns less oil than expected, snorkelled up etc. gators on the steering joints and chrome balls. Need a winch, hi-lift and all that jazz, and we hit the road in May next. If anything I'm having to resist going overboard, as the last road trip (that month of freedom from the digital shackles five years back) was in a merc 190e, and it covered the 8000 miles to Kyrgyzstan, even if the exhaust system and "sump guard" (plastic excuse for) didn't!

vidarh 10y ago

Good for you. I used to want the big payoff myself too, but have come to set a similar goal to what you've ended up with. £1m may not be "enough" in the UK, depending on how you want to live, but it's not that far off even in the UK if you structure your life accordingly (I recently reviewed my finances, and realised I spent more on trivial luxuries than what I used to live off total 10-15 years ago..). In any case, it's "close enough" even in the UK - at least outside of the most expensive areas -, that it can get someone that big step from depending on a job to being able to take work now and again or pick more fulfilling options that might not be able to pay the bills on their own. If you're in tech, as well, there's a lot of flexibility in picking up occasional well paid contracts. I just took on a contract from a guy in a similar position who'd just randomly travelling and doing contracts now and again to replenish his funds, who left the contract in question because he's going to spend 6 months somewhere he can't depend on getting an internet connection... For my part I'm working my ass off at the moment, largely because I finally see an end-goal of a "modest" early "retirement" like yours in sight. For my part, I'll probably still keep "working", as I enjoy a lot of what I do, but there's a huge difference between "working" on projects that feel like you're playing and where there's no pressure to make it pay off, and having to deliver or not be able to pay the bills...

EmptyBoat 10y ago

I also confounded identity & work and burned vacation time with stress and anger. I've also quit, though not able to go into the wilderness, at least in the natural park sense. Not working, as mentioned in the article, brings about its own form of wilderness. Reminds me, I once tried a 36 hour day routine. What drove me nuts and eventually to quit was not eating lunch at noon everyday.

fegu 10y ago

But what about companionship? I would love to go but my girlfriend has an ordinary job.

madaxe_again 10y ago
I married my girlfriend in the midst of turning everything upside down in August - after five years I realised that if she had managed to stick with me through my increasing derangement, there was nothing to wait for. It has been a fairly... tough is the wrong word... diplomatic? discoursive? few months, but despite having just started a promising career, she's game for trying something completely different - if it all goes pear shaped then she can start afresh, as she'd invested only six months and emotional energy, as can I - but while we're unburdened by sprogs and gammy hips or what have you problems of age we agreed on taking the opportunity. So it takes compromise, but even were I alone, I'd likely be doing the same - when you travel, particularly alone, you meet kindred spirits - some of my fastest friends are fellow travellers I've met in the damndest places.

bradyo 10y ago

> Since leaving I'm slowly remembering life - despite having had time off over the last decade, there was only one one month period five years ago when I was uncontactable - other holidays were consumed by me staring at my phone and muttering curses as I'd hammer out emails. Life doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can both continue to work at a desk and also take unaccountable breaks - in fact, if you're rich enough, you can do whatever the hell you want. To be fair, the article does seem to insinuate people will return to like a totally normal 40-hour workweek, but you can also return to a 10-hour part-time job or start a non-profit or something.