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Do your teens (you're hardly a 'young child' at 16) share your enthusiasm for sharing location at all time with their parents? I know I was not at that age. Lea

by erispoe 10y ago

Do your teens (you're hardly a 'young child' at 16) share your enthusiasm for sharing location at all time with their parents? I know I was not at that age. Learning to be autonomous is part of growing up. Setting up a one-click call for help with location is one thing, wanting to know the whereabouts of your 16 years old son at all times is something else entirely, that has little to do with his actual safety.

yeowMeng 10y ago
Honest question: when you didn't want your parents knowing where you were - did you make good choices? The truth for me; If I had listened to my parents, I would not be as cool. But If I had listened, I would be healthier and getting older - I realize health is happiness.
- GuiA 10y ago
  Friends and I would frequently sneak out of school during lunch breaks etc. This was during day time in a very large, safe city, (with ample access to public transportation, police officers, etc) and gave our teenage brains the freedom and independence that school so eagerly took away from us. If my parents had received a push notification the moment I left school, my teenage years would have been utterly miserable, instead of just mostly miserable. To be honest, I hope my kids do the same when they're that age. I'd absolutely yell at them if I found out because that's how it's supposed to be (and that's how they get better at not being caught), but deep inside I'll be glad they did. It's part of growing up. That being said, I understand why Americans and their car-centric, gun heavy cities wouldn't agree with this, except maybe in a city like NYC. Which is why I won't be raising my kids in the US. I expect the public infrastructure of where I live to guarantee my kid's safety, and not to have to rely on helicopter parenting to give me peace of mind.
  - dismantlethesun 10y ago
    > If my parents had received a push notification the moment I left school, my teenage years would have been utterly miserable, instead of just mostly miserable. Incidentally you can just leave your phone at home, or turn it off.
    - NoGravitas 10y ago
      Do they get a push notification if you turn it off? My first thought was "leave it in your locker". Though there are separate security concerns with that.
    - CoryG89 10y ago
      They can still get the last location collected before the phone was powered down. Also, now days a teenager without a phone, might as well be at home.
  - sangnoir 10y ago
    > This was during day time in a very large, safe city, (with ample access to public transportation, police officers, etc) Knowing your kids location isn't something you always need, but when you do, you need it badly. Anything can happen in a 'large, safe city' - such as being run over. Parents knowing where you are when you don't turn up at home at the agreed time is OK with me. My other question is: are you a parent yet? When you become a parent, your brain gets rewired, you start worrying about things you never worried about before.
    - POTUS 10y ago
      >such as being run over. Ahhh here's the thing though, in such a case you don't really need their location right that second. There's nothing you can do. They will be taken to a hospital and will be taken care of. Of course you would love to be there for you children the second they are in pain, just like when they fell on their face when they just started walking, but you don't need to. As a parent you have to accept that from when your kids get into their teenage years they will start to become independent, they will have experiences (good or bad) without you and they will be just fine. Or they won't be fine. But you certainly couldn't have prevented them getting run over, getting robbed, abducted or raped by having constant access to their location. >you start worrying about things you never worried about before. And you always will worry, trust me. Even when your kids turn 30, you still worry. You have to try to look at this objectively instead of with your feelings, people start being independent and there's nothing you can do about it. You will have to learn to let them go. What's next, do you want body function trackers installed so you can check their heart rate to see if they're still alive or their glucose level to see if they have already had their lunch yet?
      - mentalpiracy 10y ago
        Anecdote about independence nearing 30: I went home to see my mom for Thanksgiving. Ended up staying a week longer than intended after getting the flu, at her suggestion - and I wasn't fit to complain. Few days later and feeling better, instead of a return train she insists on driving me back home (3 hours one way). Like, mom you're awesome and I love you but honestly - NOPE - to the point of a full first-middle-last name dressing down that I was her child goddammit and that was the end of it. My point to GP here is this: growing into adulthood is a give and take in both directions. You have to give your newly emerging mini-adults enough space to fail, recover, adapt, and learn - and yes, potentially get injured too, as horrible as that mere chance might seem. If you don't do this, you're interfering with their chance to learn resiliency and self-reliance. And anecdotally, they'll maybe be less likely to willingly stick around as adults and allow you to indulge your parental worries, once in a while.
  - wrsh07 10y ago
    > To be honest, I hope my kids do the same when they're that age. I'd absolutely yell at them if I found out because that's how it's supposed to be (and that's how they get better at not being caught), but deep inside I'll be glad they did. It's part of growing up. Uh I think your reward function is broken. Why punish them if they're being safe and doing something you actually want them to do? Why not communicate with them to figure out the rationalization behind the rule and enforce the right thing? I'm afraid I don't really understand why inconsistent logic means knowing your kids location is bad.
- erispoe 10y ago
  I made some bad choices. But thew ability to make choices is also how I learned to become an adult.
- hobofan 10y ago
  Highly depends on what you mean by bad choices. I couldn't name one "bad" decision I made then that has a negative impact on me today. I did wander and skatboard in a lot of locations that were closed off, or we were not supposed to be, which isn't something your parents would usually want. Doing that I made a lot of great connections with people I wouldn't have met in my otherwise pretty sheltered life. I think it's more important that such a system could easily destroy a lot of good experiences for the children and less important that it prevents bad ones (which can also be valuable experiences).
  - jdmichal 10y ago
    Honest question: Looking back now, do you feel like those restrictions were overzealous? Or were the restrictions valid, and simply nothing bad happened the times you broke them?
    - hobofan 10y ago
      The places I had in mind while writing this were mostly old abandoned properties that were closed off due to insurance reasons. The owners usually don't mind the activity in itself but once they knew we were there, they had to send us away (again, insurance legalities). They worst thing that could have happened would be that they call the police and the police would report it to our parents. I don't think my parents ever took note of it, but if they would have known, where I was I guess they would have been a lot more strict about it. And that would be understandable, because who wants to get a call from the police? So no, nothing "bad" would have happened, just a bit of hassle.
      - jdmichal 10y ago
        Thanks. Just to explain where I'm coming from, I'm trying to mentally tie this discussion to the ones that happen around children being independent in public. This discussion is interesting, because people seem to be framing themselves as if they were the child, where in the other discussions I usually see framing based on being the parent.
- austinjp 10y ago
  Would you be healthier, happier? How can you know? You may have rejected them and their advice completely and ended up far worse off.
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  Yes, and I suspect the same is true a lot of the time for a lot of people, because parents are still people, after all--just as prone to make bad decisions, to have biases and prejudices, to not really know their own children.
- lmm 10y ago
  I think it's easy for people who grow up cool to underestimate how important that social experience is, and how damaging it can be to not have. I feel like I've spent much of my social time in my 20s making up for the stuff I didn't learn in high school, and it's a lot harder to go through the experimentation stage when your peer group has already long since passed it.
lucasmullens 10y ago
I think I would be fine with it if I knew it was only for emergencies, and I can trust my parents not to use it otherwise (and I would be notified if they did).
- pgeorgi 10y ago
  > only for emergencies ... and I would be notified if they did From the article: "And if your trusted contacts are really worried about you, they can request to see your location. If everything’s fine, you can deny the request. But if you’re unable to respond within a reasonable timeframe, your location is shared automatically and your loved ones can determine the best way to help you out." From a later example on that page this "reasonable timeframe" seems to be 5 minutes.
  - mdrzn 10y ago
    So if you're not in danger you could just refuse to give your location, and then text "I'm fine". This way the parents do not know where you are.
brazzledazzle 10y ago
I didn't mind when I was 16 because my mother was pragmatic. She didn't want to control me or my whereabouts and was only concerned with my safety. She also made it clear that I could always count on her for a ride no matter the hour without any fear of anger, annoyance or retribution. She cared only for my safety and well being and she trusted me. That trust weighed heavy on my decision making process. Would that work on all kids? I doubt it. But we can't project our own experiences onto other parents and kids. It can seem bizarre to those that grew up with a rebellious streak or controlling parents but it's possible to have really good and trusting relationships with your parents.
cyberferret 10y ago
Just to be clear, I don't want this as a 24/7 thing, but rather on those odd occasions where a higher level of alertness is required, i.e. when my older son finishes a band gig at midnight in the seedier part of town. I think I have a pretty good trust relationship with my kids, but there have been times where they have been half an hour late home from school or a gig etc. and the worry button gets hit. In all occurrences, it has been simple things like missing a bus, or staying back to get help with teachers etc., but those are the sorts of things that I'd like to be able to check on quickly before resorting to calling/texting. The ability to notice something is amiss, then do a quick spot check to see "Oh, its OK, he is still on school grounds" or "He's on the number 10 bus homeward bound" is reassuring. EDIT: I just realised that I forgot to answer your actual question re: Are my kids OK with it (the monitoring). Neither of them have pushed back much on this. In fact, last year I developed a small iPhone app purely for the family to use to achieve the sort of tracking this Google system does. My sons were actually quite helpful in helping me design and test it out. End of the day I abandoned the app because I just didn't have enough time to maintain it, and there were other third party apps coming out that did the same thing. As mentioned above, we have a pretty good trust relationship with our kids. Its not as if we track their every movement, and we are quite flexible with them spending a lot of time out with their friends and other sporting/social activities. It is just on those outlying times where we feel the situation is not completely 100% rosy that we like the ability to do a quick 'ping' check.
- BillinghamJ 10y ago
  If you're using iOS, have you seen Find my Friends? My group of friends and family all have each other set up on that app. It definitely does seem potentially kinda creepy or weird initially, but if you do truly trust each other, it's actually really useful. e.g. You can passively see where someone is before nagging them to ask if they're going to get here soon, etc.
  - jpkeisala 10y ago
    My daughter has iPhone 5S with Find my Friends activated. I find it rather buggy. It does not "stream" location so for example if she is on bus and I try to check she jumps off on the right stop it goes something like this: Now I can see she is 500M from her bus stop, Updating.... cannot locate.... updating... cannot locate... after few minutes... Doorbell rings, oh she is home now and app also show her location is home. Not exactly pleasant experience as a parent.
restuos 10y ago
You know what's funny? Now that my parents are getting up there in age, I want to track their locations so I can be sure nothing is wrong.
throw998away 10y ago
We have a very strong suspicion our 16 year old is dealing drugs. He disappears for days at a time with no money and returns completely off his face. Being able to see where he is is not really about being popular with him.
- erispoe 10y ago
  Your problem is not one that will be solved by tech.
  - throw998away 10y ago
    Solved, no. Helped, maybe.
wrsh07 10y ago
My understanding is this is for those situations where parents say "call when you get there". As a kid, I always meant to but often forgot. Fwiw, most of the time in hs my parents knew more or less where I was but not specifically what I was doing. That seems reasonable to me.

by erispoe 10y ago

yeowMeng 10y ago

Honest question: when you didn't want your parents knowing where you were - did you make good choices? The truth for me; If I had listened to my parents, I would not be as cool. But If I had listened, I would be healthier and getting older - I realize health is happiness.

GuiA 10y ago
Friends and I would frequently sneak out of school during lunch breaks etc. This was during day time in a very large, safe city, (with ample access to public transportation, police officers, etc) and gave our teenage brains the freedom and independence that school so eagerly took away from us. If my parents had received a push notification the moment I left school, my teenage years would have been utterly miserable, instead of just mostly miserable. To be honest, I hope my kids do the same when they're that age. I'd absolutely yell at them if I found out because that's how it's supposed to be (and that's how they get better at not being caught), but deep inside I'll be glad they did. It's part of growing up. That being said, I understand why Americans and their car-centric, gun heavy cities wouldn't agree with this, except maybe in a city like NYC. Which is why I won't be raising my kids in the US. I expect the public infrastructure of where I live to guarantee my kid's safety, and not to have to rely on helicopter parenting to give me peace of mind.
- dismantlethesun 10y ago
  > If my parents had received a push notification the moment I left school, my teenage years would have been utterly miserable, instead of just mostly miserable. Incidentally you can just leave your phone at home, or turn it off.
  - NoGravitas 10y ago
    Do they get a push notification if you turn it off? My first thought was "leave it in your locker". Though there are separate security concerns with that.
  - CoryG89 10y ago
    They can still get the last location collected before the phone was powered down. Also, now days a teenager without a phone, might as well be at home.
- sangnoir 10y ago
  > This was during day time in a very large, safe city, (with ample access to public transportation, police officers, etc) Knowing your kids location isn't something you always need, but when you do, you need it badly. Anything can happen in a 'large, safe city' - such as being run over. Parents knowing where you are when you don't turn up at home at the agreed time is OK with me. My other question is: are you a parent yet? When you become a parent, your brain gets rewired, you start worrying about things you never worried about before.
  - POTUS 10y ago
    >such as being run over. Ahhh here's the thing though, in such a case you don't really need their location right that second. There's nothing you can do. They will be taken to a hospital and will be taken care of. Of course you would love to be there for you children the second they are in pain, just like when they fell on their face when they just started walking, but you don't need to. As a parent you have to accept that from when your kids get into their teenage years they will start to become independent, they will have experiences (good or bad) without you and they will be just fine. Or they won't be fine. But you certainly couldn't have prevented them getting run over, getting robbed, abducted or raped by having constant access to their location. >you start worrying about things you never worried about before. And you always will worry, trust me. Even when your kids turn 30, you still worry. You have to try to look at this objectively instead of with your feelings, people start being independent and there's nothing you can do about it. You will have to learn to let them go. What's next, do you want body function trackers installed so you can check their heart rate to see if they're still alive or their glucose level to see if they have already had their lunch yet?
    - mentalpiracy 10y ago
      Anecdote about independence nearing 30: I went home to see my mom for Thanksgiving. Ended up staying a week longer than intended after getting the flu, at her suggestion - and I wasn't fit to complain. Few days later and feeling better, instead of a return train she insists on driving me back home (3 hours one way). Like, mom you're awesome and I love you but honestly - NOPE - to the point of a full first-middle-last name dressing down that I was her child goddammit and that was the end of it. My point to GP here is this: growing into adulthood is a give and take in both directions. You have to give your newly emerging mini-adults enough space to fail, recover, adapt, and learn - and yes, potentially get injured too, as horrible as that mere chance might seem. If you don't do this, you're interfering with their chance to learn resiliency and self-reliance. And anecdotally, they'll maybe be less likely to willingly stick around as adults and allow you to indulge your parental worries, once in a while.
- wrsh07 10y ago
  > To be honest, I hope my kids do the same when they're that age. I'd absolutely yell at them if I found out because that's how it's supposed to be (and that's how they get better at not being caught), but deep inside I'll be glad they did. It's part of growing up. Uh I think your reward function is broken. Why punish them if they're being safe and doing something you actually want them to do? Why not communicate with them to figure out the rationalization behind the rule and enforce the right thing? I'm afraid I don't really understand why inconsistent logic means knowing your kids location is bad.
erispoe 10y ago
I made some bad choices. But thew ability to make choices is also how I learned to become an adult.
hobofan 10y ago
Highly depends on what you mean by bad choices. I couldn't name one "bad" decision I made then that has a negative impact on me today. I did wander and skatboard in a lot of locations that were closed off, or we were not supposed to be, which isn't something your parents would usually want. Doing that I made a lot of great connections with people I wouldn't have met in my otherwise pretty sheltered life. I think it's more important that such a system could easily destroy a lot of good experiences for the children and less important that it prevents bad ones (which can also be valuable experiences).
- jdmichal 10y ago
  Honest question: Looking back now, do you feel like those restrictions were overzealous? Or were the restrictions valid, and simply nothing bad happened the times you broke them?
  - hobofan 10y ago
    The places I had in mind while writing this were mostly old abandoned properties that were closed off due to insurance reasons. The owners usually don't mind the activity in itself but once they knew we were there, they had to send us away (again, insurance legalities). They worst thing that could have happened would be that they call the police and the police would report it to our parents. I don't think my parents ever took note of it, but if they would have known, where I was I guess they would have been a lot more strict about it. And that would be understandable, because who wants to get a call from the police? So no, nothing "bad" would have happened, just a bit of hassle.
    - jdmichal 10y ago
      Thanks. Just to explain where I'm coming from, I'm trying to mentally tie this discussion to the ones that happen around children being independent in public. This discussion is interesting, because people seem to be framing themselves as if they were the child, where in the other discussions I usually see framing based on being the parent.
austinjp 10y ago
Would you be healthier, happier? How can you know? You may have rejected them and their advice completely and ended up far worse off.
FroshKiller 10y ago
Yes, and I suspect the same is true a lot of the time for a lot of people, because parents are still people, after all--just as prone to make bad decisions, to have biases and prejudices, to not really know their own children.
lmm 10y ago
I think it's easy for people who grow up cool to underestimate how important that social experience is, and how damaging it can be to not have. I feel like I've spent much of my social time in my 20s making up for the stuff I didn't learn in high school, and it's a lot harder to go through the experimentation stage when your peer group has already long since passed it.

lucasmullens 10y ago

I think I would be fine with it if I knew it was only for emergencies, and I can trust my parents not to use it otherwise (and I would be notified if they did).

pgeorgi 10y ago
> only for emergencies ... and I would be notified if they did From the article: "And if your trusted contacts are really worried about you, they can request to see your location. If everything’s fine, you can deny the request. But if you’re unable to respond within a reasonable timeframe, your location is shared automatically and your loved ones can determine the best way to help you out." From a later example on that page this "reasonable timeframe" seems to be 5 minutes.
- mdrzn 10y ago
  So if you're not in danger you could just refuse to give your location, and then text "I'm fine". This way the parents do not know where you are.

brazzledazzle 10y ago

I didn't mind when I was 16 because my mother was pragmatic. She didn't want to control me or my whereabouts and was only concerned with my safety. She also made it clear that I could always count on her for a ride no matter the hour without any fear of anger, annoyance or retribution. She cared only for my safety and well being and she trusted me. That trust weighed heavy on my decision making process. Would that work on all kids? I doubt it. But we can't project our own experiences onto other parents and kids. It can seem bizarre to those that grew up with a rebellious streak or controlling parents but it's possible to have really good and trusting relationships with your parents.

cyberferret 10y ago

Just to be clear, I don't want this as a 24/7 thing, but rather on those odd occasions where a higher level of alertness is required, i.e. when my older son finishes a band gig at midnight in the seedier part of town. I think I have a pretty good trust relationship with my kids, but there have been times where they have been half an hour late home from school or a gig etc. and the worry button gets hit. In all occurrences, it has been simple things like missing a bus, or staying back to get help with teachers etc., but those are the sorts of things that I'd like to be able to check on quickly before resorting to calling/texting. The ability to notice something is amiss, then do a quick spot check to see "Oh, its OK, he is still on school grounds" or "He's on the number 10 bus homeward bound" is reassuring. EDIT: I just realised that I forgot to answer your actual question re: Are my kids OK with it (the monitoring). Neither of them have pushed back much on this. In fact, last year I developed a small iPhone app purely for the family to use to achieve the sort of tracking this Google system does. My sons were actually quite helpful in helping me design and test it out. End of the day I abandoned the app because I just didn't have enough time to maintain it, and there were other third party apps coming out that did the same thing. As mentioned above, we have a pretty good trust relationship with our kids. Its not as if we track their every movement, and we are quite flexible with them spending a lot of time out with their friends and other sporting/social activities. It is just on those outlying times where we feel the situation is not completely 100% rosy that we like the ability to do a quick 'ping' check.

BillinghamJ 10y ago
If you're using iOS, have you seen Find my Friends? My group of friends and family all have each other set up on that app. It definitely does seem potentially kinda creepy or weird initially, but if you do truly trust each other, it's actually really useful. e.g. You can passively see where someone is before nagging them to ask if they're going to get here soon, etc.
- jpkeisala 10y ago
  My daughter has iPhone 5S with Find my Friends activated. I find it rather buggy. It does not "stream" location so for example if she is on bus and I try to check she jumps off on the right stop it goes something like this: Now I can see she is 500M from her bus stop, Updating.... cannot locate.... updating... cannot locate... after few minutes... Doorbell rings, oh she is home now and app also show her location is home. Not exactly pleasant experience as a parent.

restuos 10y ago

You know what's funny? Now that my parents are getting up there in age, I want to track their locations so I can be sure nothing is wrong.

throw998away 10y ago

We have a very strong suspicion our 16 year old is dealing drugs. He disappears for days at a time with no money and returns completely off his face. Being able to see where he is is not really about being popular with him.

erispoe 10y ago
Your problem is not one that will be solved by tech.
- throw998away 10y ago
  Solved, no. Helped, maybe.

wrsh07 10y ago

My understanding is this is for those situations where parents say "call when you get there". As a kid, I always meant to but often forgot. Fwiw, most of the time in hs my parents knew more or less where I was but not specifically what I was doing. That seems reasonable to me.