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and unlimited time. So much advice of the form: "Really sit down with the child during a tantrum. Listen to their concerns, and make sure they feel heard. Only

by Afton 10y ago

and unlimited time. So much advice of the form: "Really sit down with the child during a tantrum. Listen to their concerns, and make sure they feel heard. Only then engage with them in problem solving.". Uh. Sure. I'll just do that. I mean, dinner is going to burn, we'll be late for swimming, and I was on my way to wipe my other child's butt before helping my _other_ other child with their homework. I can only assume that the people constructing the advice have a nanny and/or a housekeeper.

icc97 10y ago
Yeah - this is often a problem for me. You've got a boundary of getting to work on time. Which means getting kiddo to school on time. You child doesn't want to eat breakfast, but you know that your child will be more difficult for the teacher at school if they haven't eaten. So the simple "just take them without food, 'they won't starve'" doesn't work because you know this is likely to cause problems in the day. You want the best solution. So all the child has to delay and play and it's fun for them to do this. Repeat this process every day for 18 years.
sidlls 10y ago
We have both a nanny and housekeeper (not live-in, part-time), and I would never think to construct this ludicrous advice. It's hard enough even with that help. Kids have their own minds and personalities and methods of coping with a vast world they just don't understand and can be overwhelming. One-size-fits-all suggestions such as "never punish" just trivialize how complicated little human beings really are.
analog31 10y ago
I became a better manager after having kids. Not because I'm managing people like they're kids, but just because of dealing with those kinds of impossibly, comically insane situations.
- cookiecaper 10y ago
  Children are great instructors on what's going through everyone else's head. I really don't think people's natural impulses ever stop being childlike, they just learn how to control, cope with, or hide them (to an extent anyway). That makes children hugely instructive for how to deal with your colleagues. Understand that underneath the facade, everyone has that native wiring that kids lay bear. What kind of things do children respond well to? What do they pull away from? How do you bring the child back to your good side when they're upset? While the incentives may become more complex with adults, the fundamentals and principles are the same, and children are a powerful lens into the human psyche.
vidarh 10y ago
I don't have a nanny or a housekeeper. My solution to that have been: Sometimes let dinner get ruined, and include a discussion of consequences. Sometimes allow yourself to be late, and do the same. Sometimes tell them they have to wait and ignore them - yes I know its hard - while helping your other kids. A ruined dinner or getting late to swimming are one time events. Teaching your kids that tantrums will "work" in all the wrong ways will affect your life for a long time.
- ryanmarsh 10y ago
  As much as I hate parenting advice, this. Trying to hold everything together and simultaneously shape the habits of humans with free will and their own ideas without resorting to violence doth a crazy person make. So sometimes we eat burned dinner cuz someone was acting like an asshole. Sometimes play dates "fall through" because someone thought they'd obligate a parent to do something they hadn't even discussed. Good God nothing teaches like bad experiences, and my wife and I can maintain some shred of sanity. Actually that's not fair, our children are a joy ( and exhausting). It's one thing for your teenager to sob because she didn't have any spending money for the surprise trip somewhere with great shopping because she blew all her money instead of saving it for a great opportunity. It's a completely other thing to have to learn that lesson as an adult.

by Afton 10y ago

icc97 10y ago

Yeah - this is often a problem for me. You've got a boundary of getting to work on time. Which means getting kiddo to school on time. You child doesn't want to eat breakfast, but you know that your child will be more difficult for the teacher at school if they haven't eaten. So the simple "just take them without food, 'they won't starve'" doesn't work because you know this is likely to cause problems in the day. You want the best solution. So all the child has to delay and play and it's fun for them to do this. Repeat this process every day for 18 years.

sidlls 10y ago

We have both a nanny and housekeeper (not live-in, part-time), and I would never think to construct this ludicrous advice. It's hard enough even with that help. Kids have their own minds and personalities and methods of coping with a vast world they just don't understand and can be overwhelming. One-size-fits-all suggestions such as "never punish" just trivialize how complicated little human beings really are.

analog31 10y ago

I became a better manager after having kids. Not because I'm managing people like they're kids, but just because of dealing with those kinds of impossibly, comically insane situations.

cookiecaper 10y ago
Children are great instructors on what's going through everyone else's head. I really don't think people's natural impulses ever stop being childlike, they just learn how to control, cope with, or hide them (to an extent anyway). That makes children hugely instructive for how to deal with your colleagues. Understand that underneath the facade, everyone has that native wiring that kids lay bear. What kind of things do children respond well to? What do they pull away from? How do you bring the child back to your good side when they're upset? While the incentives may become more complex with adults, the fundamentals and principles are the same, and children are a powerful lens into the human psyche.

vidarh 10y ago

I don't have a nanny or a housekeeper. My solution to that have been: Sometimes let dinner get ruined, and include a discussion of consequences. Sometimes allow yourself to be late, and do the same. Sometimes tell them they have to wait and ignore them - yes I know its hard - while helping your other kids. A ruined dinner or getting late to swimming are one time events. Teaching your kids that tantrums will "work" in all the wrong ways will affect your life for a long time.

ryanmarsh 10y ago
As much as I hate parenting advice, this. Trying to hold everything together and simultaneously shape the habits of humans with free will and their own ideas without resorting to violence doth a crazy person make. So sometimes we eat burned dinner cuz someone was acting like an asshole. Sometimes play dates "fall through" because someone thought they'd obligate a parent to do something they hadn't even discussed. Good God nothing teaches like bad experiences, and my wife and I can maintain some shred of sanity. Actually that's not fair, our children are a joy ( and exhausting). It's one thing for your teenager to sob because she didn't have any spending money for the surprise trip somewhere with great shopping because she blew all her money instead of saving it for a great opportunity. It's a completely other thing to have to learn that lesson as an adult.