4 ms·

that I will be middle-aged, penniless Is there any reason to believe a divorce settlement would not divide your assets reasonably equally/fairly?

by manarth 10y ago

linkregister 10y ago
He is probably including alimony into his reasoning. I think it's still over-the-top.
mistermann 10y ago
Numerous anecdotal horror stories I have heard from several friends in real life, as well as stories in the newspaper/internet.
- ryandrake 10y ago
  Yup, I know a number of people who will never be able to save for retirement because their paychecks finance their ex-wives' (now carefree) lifestyles. Pretty scary.
sean_patel 10y ago
> Is there any reason to believe a divorce settlement would not divide your assets reasonably equally/fairly? In an ideal world, no. But a co-worker of mine -- Indian guy from India like my Dad was -- with 2 kids got divorced, and his all American white wife (born and raised in Florida) essentially took him to the cleaners. I don't know the details, but apparently she "worked" the system by "getting fired" from her day job months before the divorce was initiated, and now he has to pay child-support and alimony and 1/2 their house (on which he's the only one paying the mortgage) while she is "rediscovering" herself with yoga, hiking and other trips paid for by my co-worker's alimony. He is 44 years old and in a state of panic. I think the only thing common between me and him is that we share the same ethnic origin. Maybe I am over-thinking this, or maybe not. LOL.
- JustSomeNobody 10y ago
  "Taken to the cleaners": Child support for 2 kids and 1/2 the house. Oh come on! You have to take care of your kids! And, like it or not, 1/2 that house is yours and you should help pay. Sell it if you need to get out from under the debt, but it's still 1/2 yours to deal with. Alimony. Ok, maybe he could have gotten out of this. All in all, this is HARDLY getting taken to the cleaners. This is pretty much to be expected (especially the Child Support!).
  - cgriswald 10y ago
    I agree. That sounds like a more-or-less standard divorce. > Alimony. Ok, maybe he could have gotten out of this. Even if the wife lost her job months before the divorce, she should still be required to seek work and/or agree to stipulate a particular income for herself from which spousal support would be calculated.
  - shostack 10y ago
    Forgetting gender and who earns what for a moment... If one partner earns more and pays a disproportionate amount of the downpayment and mortgage on a house that both partners live in, is the house really only 1/2 theirs legally? Ethically? And in such an arrangement, particularly where one partner decides to stay in the home, can the partner who is not there force the sale to improve their cashflow? If so, how should the proceeds be divvied up assuming that a disproportionate amount of money was paid into the house by one partner?
    - Goronmon 10y ago
      If one partner earns more and pays a disproportionate amount of the downpayment and mortgage on a house that both partners live in, is the house really only 1/2 theirs legally? Ethically? Makes sense to me. If say, the dad stays home to take care of the house and look after the children, while the wife works. Should the husband then be left with no claim to money/house if the wife decides she wants a divorce? Maintaining a house and raising children are not low effort jobs. If you calculate how much daycare + a basic cleaning service would be year round, I doubt the cost would be minimal. Not to mention the fact that the person staying home will undoubtedly have a tough time entering the workforce after an extending period of time away from their careers. Even if both work, how would you go about figuring out the split if the incomes were inequal? Do you literally just take the incomes and proportionally divide up the assets accordingly? What if the person earning more doesn't actually contribute their share to the mortgage, and wastes money on frivolous expenditures? How do you actually decide what is fair?
maehwasu 10y ago
People focus too much on the husband and wife when making this risk assessment. They forget that the incentives for lawyers in family court are REALLY screwed up, and definitely not on the side of "dividing assets reasonably and fairly."
- cgriswald 10y ago
  Indeed. My ex-wife was very much led by other people: her lawyers, her accountant, and later her new husband. Literally nothing she did changed any terms of the divorce-it was all ridiculous; but it cost us both quite a bit of money. I asked my otherwise-great lawyer a clarifying question about something the other side had said or done and he immediately went on the offensive, which ended up costing some money in response as well. I put the kabosh on that quickly, but I don't think most people would have even thought about it.
ProAm 10y ago
HA! No, it rarely works like this, especially if one party is more spiteful than the other, or if there are kids. Pre-nups are the best way to go.

that I will be middle-aged, penniless Is there any reason to believe a divorce settlement would not divide your assets reasonably equally/fairly?

by manarth 10y ago

that I will be middle-aged, penniless Is there any reason to believe a divorce settlement would not divide your assets reasonably equally/fairly?

linkregister 10y ago

He is probably including alimony into his reasoning. I think it's still over-the-top.

mistermann 10y ago

Numerous anecdotal horror stories I have heard from several friends in real life, as well as stories in the newspaper/internet.

ryandrake 10y ago
Yup, I know a number of people who will never be able to save for retirement because their paychecks finance their ex-wives' (now carefree) lifestyles. Pretty scary.

sean_patel 10y ago

> Is there any reason to believe a divorce settlement would not divide your assets reasonably equally/fairly? In an ideal world, no. But a co-worker of mine -- Indian guy from India like my Dad was -- with 2 kids got divorced, and his all American white wife (born and raised in Florida) essentially took him to the cleaners. I don't know the details, but apparently she "worked" the system by "getting fired" from her day job months before the divorce was initiated, and now he has to pay child-support and alimony and 1/2 their house (on which he's the only one paying the mortgage) while she is "rediscovering" herself with yoga, hiking and other trips paid for by my co-worker's alimony. He is 44 years old and in a state of panic. I think the only thing common between me and him is that we share the same ethnic origin. Maybe I am over-thinking this, or maybe not. LOL.

JustSomeNobody 10y ago
"Taken to the cleaners": Child support for 2 kids and 1/2 the house. Oh come on! You have to take care of your kids! And, like it or not, 1/2 that house is yours and you should help pay. Sell it if you need to get out from under the debt, but it's still 1/2 yours to deal with. Alimony. Ok, maybe he could have gotten out of this. All in all, this is HARDLY getting taken to the cleaners. This is pretty much to be expected (especially the Child Support!).
- cgriswald 10y ago
  I agree. That sounds like a more-or-less standard divorce. > Alimony. Ok, maybe he could have gotten out of this. Even if the wife lost her job months before the divorce, she should still be required to seek work and/or agree to stipulate a particular income for herself from which spousal support would be calculated.
- shostack 10y ago
  Forgetting gender and who earns what for a moment... If one partner earns more and pays a disproportionate amount of the downpayment and mortgage on a house that both partners live in, is the house really only 1/2 theirs legally? Ethically? And in such an arrangement, particularly where one partner decides to stay in the home, can the partner who is not there force the sale to improve their cashflow? If so, how should the proceeds be divvied up assuming that a disproportionate amount of money was paid into the house by one partner?
  - Goronmon 10y ago
    If one partner earns more and pays a disproportionate amount of the downpayment and mortgage on a house that both partners live in, is the house really only 1/2 theirs legally? Ethically? Makes sense to me. If say, the dad stays home to take care of the house and look after the children, while the wife works. Should the husband then be left with no claim to money/house if the wife decides she wants a divorce? Maintaining a house and raising children are not low effort jobs. If you calculate how much daycare + a basic cleaning service would be year round, I doubt the cost would be minimal. Not to mention the fact that the person staying home will undoubtedly have a tough time entering the workforce after an extending period of time away from their careers. Even if both work, how would you go about figuring out the split if the incomes were inequal? Do you literally just take the incomes and proportionally divide up the assets accordingly? What if the person earning more doesn't actually contribute their share to the mortgage, and wastes money on frivolous expenditures? How do you actually decide what is fair?

maehwasu 10y ago

People focus too much on the husband and wife when making this risk assessment. They forget that the incentives for lawyers in family court are REALLY screwed up, and definitely not on the side of "dividing assets reasonably and fairly."

cgriswald 10y ago
Indeed. My ex-wife was very much led by other people: her lawyers, her accountant, and later her new husband. Literally nothing she did changed any terms of the divorce-it was all ridiculous; but it cost us both quite a bit of money. I asked my otherwise-great lawyer a clarifying question about something the other side had said or done and he immediately went on the offensive, which ended up costing some money in response as well. I put the kabosh on that quickly, but I don't think most people would have even thought about it.

ProAm 10y ago

HA! No, it rarely works like this, especially if one party is more spiteful than the other, or if there are kids. Pre-nups are the best way to go.