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Some people chose to live their life more humbly, accepting the cup that was given to them, rather than constantly chase this constant state of utopia, and inde

Some people chose to live their life more humbly, accepting the cup that was given to them, rather than constantly chase this constant state of utopia, and indeed I can empathize with that. I have heard the stories of many women (unfortunately not so many men, but I am sure they are out there), my mom being one of them, who stay in undesirable circumstances because they pity the other person, and they think that showing them grace and love will help them. They feel if they leave, the selfish act is now on them for leaving them out to dry, because who else is going to love them? Sometimes this is the case and things turn out better, but sometimes it isn't, and the hard part is convincing that other person that they are being taken advantage of, this humbleness and gentleness is being taken advantage of. Sometimes people take the same approach to their jobs, their managers, all other relationships. If they leave, who else will do this job? Then the manager will lose his job, whatever else runs through their minds. Life is never binary.

jimmywanger 10y ago
> Some people chose to live their life more humbly Then let them. Don't let them complain about what they're going through incessantly. Sure, everybody complains about their job/relationships once in a while, but when that's all you talk/complain about and you get a martyr complex (I have to do this because nobody else will) that's when you remind them that this too is a choice they made.
- treehau5 10y ago
  Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Tell someone to "just make a choice" when if they leave their abusive relationship, their children will be devistated and they will lose their health insurance. What will you tell them? "Just go get a job with health insurance!"? I hope not. Tell someone "just make a choice" when they have convinced themselves that leaving would be quitting, and it would go against their very fabric of who they self-identify with to do so. So easy to make choices like you describe in hindsight, and when you have ample fallback options. But when you don't it requires great courage and an amazing support system, as well as emotional stability. Most people sadly don't have that, and to sit here and say "well it's a choice you made!" is beyond heartless. If you see someone suffering in a scenario where to you it may seem like "Well stupid! Just make a chose to leave" that is a good sign that you are probably wrong, and don't understand the situation at all. We are human beings, not emotionless robots. Our brains don't go (if desireableSituation !== 1) { leave() } I hope you never have to be in these shoes.
  - jimmywanger 10y ago
    > Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Wow, way to miss the point entirely. They are making a choice. Doing something they hate to remain getting paid. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness Once you start thinking that you have no choice, that life is against you, it becomes self perpetuating. You don't tell people "just make a choice" you make it very clear that they're already making the choice. They're the ones with agency. Sure their choices have consequences, but all choices do. Ultimately they're in charge of their destiny, unless of course they're slaves and prisoners. No matter what you think/say about Amazon, if you're a software dev at Amazon, you are nowhere near a slave or prisoner. If you think you have no control over your destiny, you're destined to get stuck in the same rut and experience the same mistakes and pitfalls over and over again.

jimmywanger 10y ago

> Some people chose to live their life more humbly Then let them. Don't let them complain about what they're going through incessantly. Sure, everybody complains about their job/relationships once in a while, but when that's all you talk/complain about and you get a martyr complex (I have to do this because nobody else will) that's when you remind them that this too is a choice they made.

treehau5 10y ago
Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Tell someone to "just make a choice" when if they leave their abusive relationship, their children will be devistated and they will lose their health insurance. What will you tell them? "Just go get a job with health insurance!"? I hope not. Tell someone "just make a choice" when they have convinced themselves that leaving would be quitting, and it would go against their very fabric of who they self-identify with to do so. So easy to make choices like you describe in hindsight, and when you have ample fallback options. But when you don't it requires great courage and an amazing support system, as well as emotional stability. Most people sadly don't have that, and to sit here and say "well it's a choice you made!" is beyond heartless. If you see someone suffering in a scenario where to you it may seem like "Well stupid! Just make a chose to leave" that is a good sign that you are probably wrong, and don't understand the situation at all. We are human beings, not emotionless robots. Our brains don't go (if desireableSituation !== 1) { leave() } I hope you never have to be in these shoes.
- jimmywanger 10y ago
  > Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Wow, way to miss the point entirely. They are making a choice. Doing something they hate to remain getting paid. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness Once you start thinking that you have no choice, that life is against you, it becomes self perpetuating. You don't tell people "just make a choice" you make it very clear that they're already making the choice. They're the ones with agency. Sure their choices have consequences, but all choices do. Ultimately they're in charge of their destiny, unless of course they're slaves and prisoners. No matter what you think/say about Amazon, if you're a software dev at Amazon, you are nowhere near a slave or prisoner. If you think you have no control over your destiny, you're destined to get stuck in the same rut and experience the same mistakes and pitfalls over and over again.