5 ms·

Your expectations are correct. This is just a horribly, inhumane comment on every level. It's the equivalent to telling someone suffering from relationship abus

Your expectations are correct. This is just a horribly, inhumane comment on every level. It's the equivalent to telling someone suffering from relationship abuse "Just get a new spouse!"

mikestew 10y ago
It's the equivalent to telling someone suffering from relationship abuse "Just get a new spouse!" What's wrong with telling the abused to exit their current situation as quickly as possible?
- devy 10y ago
  > What's wrong with telling the abused to exit their current situation as quickly as possible? It's VERY WRONG to attempt to end one's life in order to exit the toxic work/relationship/marriage, like the unnamed Amazon employee did.
  - jaredsohn 10y ago
    Exiting the current situation would mean separation/divorce, not ending one's life.
    - devy 10y ago
      My comment was regarding to the ununamed male employee who attempted suicide.
      - mikestew 10y ago
        Then you probably replied to the wrong comment, as my question had nothing to do with what you're on about.
        devy 10y ago
        I probably did and getting massively down voted as a result. But I can't delete it either once someone commented on it.
- mattdeboard 10y ago
  It's not the "get a new spouse" part. It's the "Just" part. Let's assume you're a programmer. Ever get annoyed when someone comes along while you're dealing with a problem and goes, "Why don't you just..." without any acknowledgement of the many complexities? And that if you could "just" do this or that, you fucking would have already? Yeah, it's like that.
  - eanzenberg 10y ago
    That would never annoy me, in fact I supremely enjoy conversing solutions about hard problems where multiple solutions may exist.
  - mikestew 10y ago
    It's the "Just" part. Ah, "it's not always that simple". Fair enough, thanks. (And two down votes already for asking an honest question? Stay classy, HN.)
  - khnd 10y ago
    oh wow +1 for dev whispering skills
- ProAm 10y ago
  Because problems/issues of this scale are not fixed with band-aid type solutions, regardless of who is more at fault.
  - loco5niner 10y ago
    Except, in some situations, one party holds 100% of the blame.
    - ProAm 10y ago
      Doesn't mean its easily fixed.
- norea-armozel 10y ago
  I can tell you two reasons why it's not always the best choice. 1. They're not currently employed which means they would enter into poverty with no exit strategy for that. 2. They have children which means without relatives on both sides of the relationship willing to help with the transition to separation (and possibly divorce if they're married) it's going to be hard to do this. It also means going into poverty in some cases whether or not the person has a job since caring for the material needs of children is an added burden. And if the spouse was also abusing them that means leaving them in their care isn't an option either. Simply put, it's not easy when it comes to leaving one bad situation. Whether it's an abusive employer or an abusive spouse.
jimmywanger 10y ago
No, it's not. You need to have an internal locus of control, or life is just not going to treat you well in any aspect. If you don't truly believe that you can affect your external circumstances by changing your actions, you'll be constantly wondering why crappy things happen to you and looking for external saviours. If you do believe you can change your life, you'll start doing it, and your life is more likely to get better.
- treehau5 10y ago
  Some people chose to live their life more humbly, accepting the cup that was given to them, rather than constantly chase this constant state of utopia, and indeed I can empathize with that. I have heard the stories of many women (unfortunately not so many men, but I am sure they are out there), my mom being one of them, who stay in undesirable circumstances because they pity the other person, and they think that showing them grace and love will help them. They feel if they leave, the selfish act is now on them for leaving them out to dry, because who else is going to love them? Sometimes this is the case and things turn out better, but sometimes it isn't, and the hard part is convincing that other person that they are being taken advantage of, this humbleness and gentleness is being taken advantage of. Sometimes people take the same approach to their jobs, their managers, all other relationships. If they leave, who else will do this job? Then the manager will lose his job, whatever else runs through their minds. Life is never binary.
  - jimmywanger 10y ago
    > Some people chose to live their life more humbly Then let them. Don't let them complain about what they're going through incessantly. Sure, everybody complains about their job/relationships once in a while, but when that's all you talk/complain about and you get a martyr complex (I have to do this because nobody else will) that's when you remind them that this too is a choice they made.
    - treehau5 10y ago
      Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Tell someone to "just make a choice" when if they leave their abusive relationship, their children will be devistated and they will lose their health insurance. What will you tell them? "Just go get a job with health insurance!"? I hope not. Tell someone "just make a choice" when they have convinced themselves that leaving would be quitting, and it would go against their very fabric of who they self-identify with to do so. So easy to make choices like you describe in hindsight, and when you have ample fallback options. But when you don't it requires great courage and an amazing support system, as well as emotional stability. Most people sadly don't have that, and to sit here and say "well it's a choice you made!" is beyond heartless. If you see someone suffering in a scenario where to you it may seem like "Well stupid! Just make a chose to leave" that is a good sign that you are probably wrong, and don't understand the situation at all. We are human beings, not emotionless robots. Our brains don't go (if desireableSituation !== 1) { leave() } I hope you never have to be in these shoes.

Your expectations are correct. This is just a horribly, inhumane comment on every level. It's the equivalent to telling someone suffering from relationship abuse "Just get a new spouse!"

mikestew 10y ago

It's the equivalent to telling someone suffering from relationship abuse "Just get a new spouse!" What's wrong with telling the abused to exit their current situation as quickly as possible?

devy 10y ago
> What's wrong with telling the abused to exit their current situation as quickly as possible? It's VERY WRONG to attempt to end one's life in order to exit the toxic work/relationship/marriage, like the unnamed Amazon employee did.
- jaredsohn 10y ago
  Exiting the current situation would mean separation/divorce, not ending one's life.
  - devy 10y ago
    My comment was regarding to the ununamed male employee who attempted suicide.
    - mikestew 10y ago
      Then you probably replied to the wrong comment, as my question had nothing to do with what you're on about.
      - devy 10y ago
        I probably did and getting massively down voted as a result. But I can't delete it either once someone commented on it.
mattdeboard 10y ago
It's not the "get a new spouse" part. It's the "Just" part. Let's assume you're a programmer. Ever get annoyed when someone comes along while you're dealing with a problem and goes, "Why don't you just..." without any acknowledgement of the many complexities? And that if you could "just" do this or that, you fucking would have already? Yeah, it's like that.
- eanzenberg 10y ago
  That would never annoy me, in fact I supremely enjoy conversing solutions about hard problems where multiple solutions may exist.
- mikestew 10y ago
  It's the "Just" part. Ah, "it's not always that simple". Fair enough, thanks. (And two down votes already for asking an honest question? Stay classy, HN.)
- khnd 10y ago
  oh wow +1 for dev whispering skills
ProAm 10y ago
Because problems/issues of this scale are not fixed with band-aid type solutions, regardless of who is more at fault.
- loco5niner 10y ago
  Except, in some situations, one party holds 100% of the blame.
  - ProAm 10y ago
    Doesn't mean its easily fixed.
norea-armozel 10y ago
I can tell you two reasons why it's not always the best choice. 1. They're not currently employed which means they would enter into poverty with no exit strategy for that. 2. They have children which means without relatives on both sides of the relationship willing to help with the transition to separation (and possibly divorce if they're married) it's going to be hard to do this. It also means going into poverty in some cases whether or not the person has a job since caring for the material needs of children is an added burden. And if the spouse was also abusing them that means leaving them in their care isn't an option either. Simply put, it's not easy when it comes to leaving one bad situation. Whether it's an abusive employer or an abusive spouse.

jimmywanger 10y ago

No, it's not. You need to have an internal locus of control, or life is just not going to treat you well in any aspect. If you don't truly believe that you can affect your external circumstances by changing your actions, you'll be constantly wondering why crappy things happen to you and looking for external saviours. If you do believe you can change your life, you'll start doing it, and your life is more likely to get better.

treehau5 10y ago
Some people chose to live their life more humbly, accepting the cup that was given to them, rather than constantly chase this constant state of utopia, and indeed I can empathize with that. I have heard the stories of many women (unfortunately not so many men, but I am sure they are out there), my mom being one of them, who stay in undesirable circumstances because they pity the other person, and they think that showing them grace and love will help them. They feel if they leave, the selfish act is now on them for leaving them out to dry, because who else is going to love them? Sometimes this is the case and things turn out better, but sometimes it isn't, and the hard part is convincing that other person that they are being taken advantage of, this humbleness and gentleness is being taken advantage of. Sometimes people take the same approach to their jobs, their managers, all other relationships. If they leave, who else will do this job? Then the manager will lose his job, whatever else runs through their minds. Life is never binary.
- jimmywanger 10y ago
  > Some people chose to live their life more humbly Then let them. Don't let them complain about what they're going through incessantly. Sure, everybody complains about their job/relationships once in a while, but when that's all you talk/complain about and you get a martyr complex (I have to do this because nobody else will) that's when you remind them that this too is a choice they made.
  - treehau5 10y ago
    Tell someone to "just make a choice" when they work paycheck to paycheck. Tell someone to "just make a choice" when if they leave their abusive relationship, their children will be devistated and they will lose their health insurance. What will you tell them? "Just go get a job with health insurance!"? I hope not. Tell someone "just make a choice" when they have convinced themselves that leaving would be quitting, and it would go against their very fabric of who they self-identify with to do so. So easy to make choices like you describe in hindsight, and when you have ample fallback options. But when you don't it requires great courage and an amazing support system, as well as emotional stability. Most people sadly don't have that, and to sit here and say "well it's a choice you made!" is beyond heartless. If you see someone suffering in a scenario where to you it may seem like "Well stupid! Just make a chose to leave" that is a good sign that you are probably wrong, and don't understand the situation at all. We are human beings, not emotionless robots. Our brains don't go (if desireableSituation !== 1) { leave() } I hope you never have to be in these shoes.