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Having been through some of the stuff the guy wrote about... I don't think coddling is the right tone. If you let someone who is depressed tell you how bad and

Having been through some of the stuff the guy wrote about... I don't think coddling is the right tone. If you let someone who is depressed tell you how bad and horrible their life is... and you agree or buy into that... things look bleak. The last thing you want to do is validate that shit-spiral that sinks a person deeper into despair and helplessness. If you tell them to cut the bullshit self-pity and take action, that leads to them getting on a path where they don't feel the way they do. Suicide... clearly not something to joke about, but I have to believe the original author came here for advice. Wrote what worked for me. Some people may embrace the touchy-feely stuff more... for me personally that was all just a time sink. Depression is something you fix yourself, by taking action. Small actions lead to bigger actions lead to better feelings. For anyone who is depressed I would recommend the first three steps: 1) Take a hot shower, shave, put on clean clothes. 2) Go for a walk. Don't take electronics with you. Just walk. As far as you can and tell your feet hurt. Take a minute to celebrate how far you walked. 3) Get a good night of sleep. Use the time walking to think about a game plan for things you want to accomplish. Start small. Be honest about what you like about yourself, and what you want to change. And remember a goal without an action plan is just a dream. Work on plans. I will do A, then B, then C and check my results at each step of the way... If you need a few days to just contemplate how worthless you are, do that while walking. Take all the time you need, don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. But make sure you are exhausting your body each day. Rinse and repeat as needed until you feel like doing something more productive.

dvtv75 10y ago
A friend of mine was once told "toughen up" by a psychiatric nurse while on suicide watch. Another nurse, on the same watch, gave him a bottle of sleeping pills that she never retrieved. He's dead now.
- alphapapa 10y ago
  Um...I would put the blame squarely on the second nurse.
DanBC 10y ago
> . I don't think coddling is the right tone. There's a difference between not coddling someone and "toughen up, cupcake". Your advice is likely to kill people. It is bad advice. You should feel bad for talking bollocks about something you clearly have no training in. In general, when you have no fucking clue what you're talking about you should just shut the fuck up. That is especially true when you risk killing people with poor advice. Here's one particularly stupid example: > Take a hot shower, shave, "You're suicidal. Go find a really sharp blade".
- alphapapa 10y ago
  I think you're overreacting. His advice was very practical, and in no way can you reasonably say that his advice "is likely to kill people." Telling him to take a shower, shave, and put on clean clothes is probably very good advice. When it comes to human beings, function often follows form; or to put it another way, to a large extent, we feel how we act. If a person has been depressed and cooped up for some time, it's likely he hasn't been taking great care of himself, and so if he looks in the mirror, it's likely he isn't presenting his best self--which further contributes to the downward spiral. Cleaning himself up will have an immediate positive effect on his self-image. Your comment about the blade is rather silly. Obviously, if he's a grown man, he's going to have a shaving implement in his bathroom, whether a safety razor, an electric shaver, etc. It's most likely in plain sight on the counter. Are you going to tell him to not go to the bathroom because he might see his razor? Are you going to tell him to not open his kitchen drawers because he might see a knife? I think that kind of fearmongering would push him further down the spiral. Treating him as if he is on a hair trigger is more likely to put him on one, because it trains him to think of everything around him as a potential threat to himself. When people are looking to others for support, they largely act up to the expectations they have of themselves. If we treat them as if we expect them to harm themselves, it's more likely that they will. If we treat them as if we expect them to recover and take care of themselves, it's more likely that they will. Of course, this depends on their state of mind: if they are past a certain point, they need to be watched constantly and protected from themselves. But I don't think this is the case with him. He's calmly come here to ask for help. He needs encouragement and help retraining his thought processes; he doesn't need to be treated as if he's a lost cause who needs to be taken away in a straightjacket. That would surely make him feel worse.

dvtv75 10y ago

A friend of mine was once told "toughen up" by a psychiatric nurse while on suicide watch. Another nurse, on the same watch, gave him a bottle of sleeping pills that she never retrieved. He's dead now.

alphapapa 10y ago
Um...I would put the blame squarely on the second nurse.

DanBC 10y ago

> . I don't think coddling is the right tone. There's a difference between not coddling someone and "toughen up, cupcake". Your advice is likely to kill people. It is bad advice. You should feel bad for talking bollocks about something you clearly have no training in. In general, when you have no fucking clue what you're talking about you should just shut the fuck up. That is especially true when you risk killing people with poor advice. Here's one particularly stupid example: > Take a hot shower, shave, "You're suicidal. Go find a really sharp blade".

alphapapa 10y ago
I think you're overreacting. His advice was very practical, and in no way can you reasonably say that his advice "is likely to kill people." Telling him to take a shower, shave, and put on clean clothes is probably very good advice. When it comes to human beings, function often follows form; or to put it another way, to a large extent, we feel how we act. If a person has been depressed and cooped up for some time, it's likely he hasn't been taking great care of himself, and so if he looks in the mirror, it's likely he isn't presenting his best self--which further contributes to the downward spiral. Cleaning himself up will have an immediate positive effect on his self-image. Your comment about the blade is rather silly. Obviously, if he's a grown man, he's going to have a shaving implement in his bathroom, whether a safety razor, an electric shaver, etc. It's most likely in plain sight on the counter. Are you going to tell him to not go to the bathroom because he might see his razor? Are you going to tell him to not open his kitchen drawers because he might see a knife? I think that kind of fearmongering would push him further down the spiral. Treating him as if he is on a hair trigger is more likely to put him on one, because it trains him to think of everything around him as a potential threat to himself. When people are looking to others for support, they largely act up to the expectations they have of themselves. If we treat them as if we expect them to harm themselves, it's more likely that they will. If we treat them as if we expect them to recover and take care of themselves, it's more likely that they will. Of course, this depends on their state of mind: if they are past a certain point, they need to be watched constantly and protected from themselves. But I don't think this is the case with him. He's calmly come here to ask for help. He needs encouragement and help retraining his thought processes; he doesn't need to be treated as if he's a lost cause who needs to be taken away in a straightjacket. That would surely make him feel worse.