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Yeah man thanks. >People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you. Th

by rublev 10y ago

Yeah man thanks. >People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you. That's difficult to believe because it doesn't match up to my reality. I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something like making music or exercising or whatever, which is impossible in my current state. I agree about the sun and walks absolutely, I also need to move. Used to live in a condo with concrete walling where I couldn't hear a single neighbour ever, combined with living 30 floors above street level, it was basically heaven. Moved into a first floor place where the walls are paper thin. I hear everything. The business below me 9 hours a day, my friend, the 6 lane street about 15 meters to my left, and especially the sirens, oh god the sirens. I think the girl, combined with moving back into a condo in a less busy area will do me heaps actually.

Broken_Hippo 10y ago
"I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something..." I very much understand this statement. I think that's why I don't have more social contact - nothing to say, really. I mean, I think a lot, but it doesn't seem to match up with the sorts of things people talk about. And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting. My spouse, though, I can talk to him for hours. About the world, about sillyness, about art. It works out, and he encourages me to do different things. He fills the place of your girl for me, I think, and reflecting on that: I'm very happy you found at least one person to connect with. Much luck to you in your future, with all the hopes that it improves over the stuff you've had to deal with.
- rublev 10y ago
  Exactly! >"And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting." You can talk about it and be interesting, just it takes real work to talk about it and a real effort on the opposite side to listen and engage. I can talk for hours about topic I'm super into, but at that point it feels like I'm talking at someone not with them. Unless they're equally or (ideally) more knowledgeable about the subject than me, or they genuinely just sprouted a passion for that thing and could listen to you all day (rare) but that's usually preceded with some variation of "hey man you're really good at x, can you teach me? I've always wanted to learn about x" which doesn't fall into the context of 'casual conversation', it will always be boring. And thanks, I'm glad you have found someone as well!
  - Broken_Hippo 10y ago
    I keep photos of my work on my phone. That's actually the easiest way to talk about it and be engaged. It just doesn't work with everyone :)
- gerardnll 10y ago
  "I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting." As in a similar situation as @rublev I feel I am, I think it helps to say that, as this thought is somewhat recurring, we expect our environment to tell us it's great what we do but that's a problem. Man if you enjoy drawing, do it, and if you want to talk about it, do it and if someone does not care, boy you may not care about him writing everyday too, but does this make you a bad person or a non interesting one? Don't expect others approval, be yourself.
  - Broken_Hippo 10y ago
    Nah, it doesn't make me bad. Non-interesting to the right audience. I have my own work-around: I take photos of the art and keep both the photos and the links to my work handy. I show the pictures, and that sometimes leads to interesting conversation. I tend to take it traveling with me, and meet folks because of it. The process? Not so interesting to most folks. That's actually ok, I just have the realization of the interest most folks have.
alexashka 10y ago
Sounds like this is a temporary hurdle for you - the living arrangement you have. Regarding not having much to talk about - the more you are in your head, the more true this is :) Conversations can be about information exchange, and that's where your current comfort level is it sounds like - because it's head-heavy. There's another way of relating, which's emotion-based - but then if you're a dark cloud of 'life sucks', then of course you stick to intellectual conversations. Most people put up an emotional wall but you don't have to - a buddy I know went to Japan for a few months, he came back a different person. Not only did he get out of his head while he was there, but now he had an intellectual topic to chat with strangers about - travelling and japan. It got him started on a path toward being able to relate emotionally. The intellectual stuff gets old - the emotional keeps on giving. My path was making friends with a dude who liked to go out and have a drink, I found that once I got out of the house at least once a week, within a few months I had experiences to talk about, the 'hey have you been to X? My buddy's thinking of doing Y' - it snowballs, but you need to do a little work on yourself and your self esteem, to realize people gravitate towards positive energy and novel experiences - you do too, once you let go of some of the negative barriers you have.

by rublev 10y ago

Broken_Hippo 10y ago

"I usually find I don't have much to talk to anyone about unless we're doing something..." I very much understand this statement. I think that's why I don't have more social contact - nothing to say, really. I mean, I think a lot, but it doesn't seem to match up with the sorts of things people talk about. And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting. My spouse, though, I can talk to him for hours. About the world, about sillyness, about art. It works out, and he encourages me to do different things. He fills the place of your girl for me, I think, and reflecting on that: I'm very happy you found at least one person to connect with. Much luck to you in your future, with all the hopes that it improves over the stuff you've had to deal with.

rublev 10y ago
Exactly! >"And honestly, my life isn't that interesting to talk about. I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting." You can talk about it and be interesting, just it takes real work to talk about it and a real effort on the opposite side to listen and engage. I can talk for hours about topic I'm super into, but at that point it feels like I'm talking at someone not with them. Unless they're equally or (ideally) more knowledgeable about the subject than me, or they genuinely just sprouted a passion for that thing and could listen to you all day (rare) but that's usually preceded with some variation of "hey man you're really good at x, can you teach me? I've always wanted to learn about x" which doesn't fall into the context of 'casual conversation', it will always be boring. And thanks, I'm glad you have found someone as well!
- Broken_Hippo 10y ago
  I keep photos of my work on my phone. That's actually the easiest way to talk about it and be engaged. It just doesn't work with everyone :)
gerardnll 10y ago
"I draw every day, for example, but I can't really talk about that and be interesting." As in a similar situation as @rublev I feel I am, I think it helps to say that, as this thought is somewhat recurring, we expect our environment to tell us it's great what we do but that's a problem. Man if you enjoy drawing, do it, and if you want to talk about it, do it and if someone does not care, boy you may not care about him writing everyday too, but does this make you a bad person or a non interesting one? Don't expect others approval, be yourself.
- Broken_Hippo 10y ago
  Nah, it doesn't make me bad. Non-interesting to the right audience. I have my own work-around: I take photos of the art and keep both the photos and the links to my work handy. I show the pictures, and that sometimes leads to interesting conversation. I tend to take it traveling with me, and meet folks because of it. The process? Not so interesting to most folks. That's actually ok, I just have the realization of the interest most folks have.

alexashka 10y ago

Sounds like this is a temporary hurdle for you - the living arrangement you have. Regarding not having much to talk about - the more you are in your head, the more true this is :) Conversations can be about information exchange, and that's where your current comfort level is it sounds like - because it's head-heavy. There's another way of relating, which's emotion-based - but then if you're a dark cloud of 'life sucks', then of course you stick to intellectual conversations. Most people put up an emotional wall but you don't have to - a buddy I know went to Japan for a few months, he came back a different person. Not only did he get out of his head while he was there, but now he had an intellectual topic to chat with strangers about - travelling and japan. It got him started on a path toward being able to relate emotionally. The intellectual stuff gets old - the emotional keeps on giving. My path was making friends with a dude who liked to go out and have a drink, I found that once I got out of the house at least once a week, within a few months I had experiences to talk about, the 'hey have you been to X? My buddy's thinking of doing Y' - it snowballs, but you need to do a little work on yourself and your self esteem, to realize people gravitate towards positive energy and novel experiences - you do too, once you let go of some of the negative barriers you have.