5 ms·

What's a great relationship book/guide

3 points by nato1138 16y ago

I have been very pleased with HN community in book recommendations. I got some great tips on personal finance, time management etc. Can HN suggest an incredible book for relationships? (specifically for marriage and such).

tokenadult 16y ago
Feeling Good Together by David D. Burns, which is primarily about the relationships you ask about, but generalizes to all interpersonal relationships, including work and such. My wife and I have both found it helpful for gaining new insight into our twenty-eight-year relationship. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821/ http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relatio...
rick_2047 16y ago
No offense intended, but I don't think reading a book can help you with a relationship. I am not saying that all the relationship coaches are fraudulent but I just prefer to stick to one advice given to me by who knows whom. "Talk" It seems in todays culture, especially the busy lives of people in USA, people tend to forget the importance of personal interaction. I know people stay "in contact" using things like facebook, twitter or some other social networking sites, but its just not the same (or I don't know how to use them). The personal presence give it the more human touch. When you are with someone you can hold there hands, smell there perfume, actually hear them laugh (totally different from "lol" or "ha ha ha"), get lost in their beautiful eyes, give them a high five or chase them around if you are feeling childish. I don't know how people tend to forget one of the basic human instincts i.e of interaction. While on the other hand social networking sites are also a means to stay in touch. Tell them when you were thinking about them and couldn't reach them. Just tweet sweet nothing to them. Or update on your facebook wall telling everyone how lonely you are feeling away. I do not hold a degree in social interactions, nor do I have a life time of experience in such things (I am just 19), but one thing I am sure of, talking is the best way to manage a relation ship. You can read volumes and volumes of self help guides but when and if you grow tired of it just take the hand of your wife, sit down on your bed and just talk....
- ScottWhigham 16y ago
  Wow - a new low on HN. Here we have a never-been-married 19yo who just gave four paragraphs of advice to someone asking for marriage advice. The fact that you think you should be offering such advice just shows either (a) a complete lack of social skills, (b) a self-belief that is completely whacko, and/or (c) a complete disregard for what life experience brings to the table. I'd normally have led this with, "No offense..." but since you are 19 and are offering marital advice, you probably should get upset; maybe it will eventually lead to to you objectively look back and say to yourself, "WTF was I thinking responding to that guy? I'm 19 years old and have never been married."
  - rick_2047 16y ago
    Umm... First of all when I say no offense intended, I mean it. Nobody will waste there whole life on a book which is not worth much and those books can never be best sellers like these. And I would just like to clarify on a few things here 1) I wasn't giving specific advice on marriage, as mentioned in my post I am too young to give it. Go through the post again and see its a very general one. It works with any relationship be it with your girl/boyfriend, your mother, you son talking just works I think. 2) It wasn't exactly an advise per se, it was actually an observation (may be my post was wrongly worded). 3) I really don't get how can one be wacko in believing that by talking you can ease out a relationship. 4) In no way I disregarded the life experience of anyone. I just wanted to bring to the table what many of people holding life experience had brought to my attention. I really didn't see why you had to rip my post apart. A more polite response was possible, and if this is the way you went about talking I can see why talking didn't work for you, some offense intended.
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
revorad 16y ago
I believe the Gottmans have done some very good research on marriage - http://www.gottman.com/ http://www.gottman.com/. http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/u/3/LLXX8wzvT7c http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/u/3/LLXX8w...
nato1138 16y ago
thanks for the recommendations, HN. I actually agree that 'talking' is key, but my relationship get's stuck when talking doesn't prove to be enough ;)

3 points by nato1138 16y ago

tokenadult 16y ago

Feeling Good Together by David D. Burns, which is primarily about the relationships you ask about, but generalizes to all interpersonal relationships, including work and such. My wife and I have both found it helpful for gaining new insight into our twenty-eight-year relationship. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821/ http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relatio...

rick_2047 16y ago

No offense intended, but I don't think reading a book can help you with a relationship. I am not saying that all the relationship coaches are fraudulent but I just prefer to stick to one advice given to me by who knows whom. "Talk" It seems in todays culture, especially the busy lives of people in USA, people tend to forget the importance of personal interaction. I know people stay "in contact" using things like facebook, twitter or some other social networking sites, but its just not the same (or I don't know how to use them). The personal presence give it the more human touch. When you are with someone you can hold there hands, smell there perfume, actually hear them laugh (totally different from "lol" or "ha ha ha"), get lost in their beautiful eyes, give them a high five or chase them around if you are feeling childish. I don't know how people tend to forget one of the basic human instincts i.e of interaction. While on the other hand social networking sites are also a means to stay in touch. Tell them when you were thinking about them and couldn't reach them. Just tweet sweet nothing to them. Or update on your facebook wall telling everyone how lonely you are feeling away. I do not hold a degree in social interactions, nor do I have a life time of experience in such things (I am just 19), but one thing I am sure of, talking is the best way to manage a relation ship. You can read volumes and volumes of self help guides but when and if you grow tired of it just take the hand of your wife, sit down on your bed and just talk....

ScottWhigham 16y ago
Wow - a new low on HN. Here we have a never-been-married 19yo who just gave four paragraphs of advice to someone asking for marriage advice. The fact that you think you should be offering such advice just shows either (a) a complete lack of social skills, (b) a self-belief that is completely whacko, and/or (c) a complete disregard for what life experience brings to the table. I'd normally have led this with, "No offense..." but since you are 19 and are offering marital advice, you probably should get upset; maybe it will eventually lead to to you objectively look back and say to yourself, "WTF was I thinking responding to that guy? I'm 19 years old and have never been married."
- rick_2047 16y ago
  Umm... First of all when I say no offense intended, I mean it. Nobody will waste there whole life on a book which is not worth much and those books can never be best sellers like these. And I would just like to clarify on a few things here 1) I wasn't giving specific advice on marriage, as mentioned in my post I am too young to give it. Go through the post again and see its a very general one. It works with any relationship be it with your girl/boyfriend, your mother, you son talking just works I think. 2) It wasn't exactly an advise per se, it was actually an observation (may be my post was wrongly worded). 3) I really don't get how can one be wacko in believing that by talking you can ease out a relationship. 4) In no way I disregarded the life experience of anyone. I just wanted to bring to the table what many of people holding life experience had brought to my attention. I really didn't see why you had to rip my post apart. A more polite response was possible, and if this is the way you went about talking I can see why talking didn't work for you, some offense intended.

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

revorad 16y ago

I believe the Gottmans have done some very good research on marriage - http://www.gottman.com/ http://www.gottman.com/. http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/u/3/LLXX8wzvT7c http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/u/3/LLXX8w...

nato1138 16y ago

thanks for the recommendations, HN. I actually agree that 'talking' is key, but my relationship get's stuck when talking doesn't prove to be enough ;)