4 ms·

I think the reservations are built on a couple things: • It's not hard to argue that it's good for a child to have a mom and a dad. I'm not going to get into

by wheels 17y ago

I think the reservations are built on a couple things: • It's not hard to argue that it's good for a child to have a mom and a dad. I'm not going to get into such, but whether or not you agree, let's just accept that it's not a wild notion. • Adoption is one of the few places where there's any chance for society to evaluate the fitness of parents before they can have children. Usually it just happens. • A male-male couple (edit: or single male, or infertile female(s)) is the only combination that's forced into adoption, thus with the prior two points in mind, it's the only one where they are ipso facto subjected to societal evaluation, for a coupling that some consider less than perfect for children. Now the reality is that most sets of parents are far from ideal. No doubt two loving gay parents is healthier than quarrelsome straight parents. But if quarrelsome parents are knocked up biology, not society sets the conditions.

puredemo 17y ago
From what I understand, most studies show that the most important thing is for kids to have two parents -- kids raised in single parent households didn't do as well (but I'm not sure how many associated variables were controlled for.) The gender of the two parents didn't seem to have much of an impact.
- axod 17y ago
  Isn't it often the case though that in gay couples one is more masculine and the other more feminine? Or dominant/submissive perhaps. That's probably more important - having both types of personality present?
  - henrikschroder 17y ago
    No, that is a stereotype. Most gay couples don't look like that.
    - axod 17y ago
      I wasn't talking about 'looks'. I was talking about behavior. Whenever I see gay couples on documentaries etc, there almost always seems to be one 'feminine' one, and one 'masculine' one. Regardless of what sex they actually are.
      - henrikschroder 17y ago
        Documentaries != real life.
        axod 17y ago
        Documentaries are a subset of real life. So there must at the minimum be some couples who fit this pattern :/
        henrikschroder 17y ago
        Of course, you'll find the same pattern among some straight couples as well. Your original statement that most gay couples fit the pattern simply isn't true, most couples of gay men is two guys living together, dividing household chores in a way that does not follow stereotypical gender roles, and most couples of gay women living together is the same. Hell, even most straight couples I know don't divide household chores that way, or have one partner being the dominant one. So no, you are not likely to find the "male"/"female" pattern among gay couples, but since it's not even common among straight couples, I strongly doubt it's relevant for raising children.
        axod 17y ago
        I'm not sure where you're basing that on. Most couples have pretty strongly defined roles. For example, if a shelf needs putting up, it's more than likely that the male will be tasked with this. If a daughter is after makeup advice, it's likely that they'll go to their mother rather than father. Perhaps you're reading way more into what I'm saying than is actually there.
        17y ago
aphyr 17y ago
It's not hard to argue that it's good for a child to have a mom and a dad. The APA's official stance (one borne out by my personal experience with gay families) is that there is no difference in the well-being of children raised by two same-sex parents or two opposite-sex parents. "...the results of existing research comparing lesbian and gay parents to heterosexual parents and children of lesbian and gay parents to children of heterosexual parents are quite clear: Common stereotypes are not supported by the data." http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting.aspx http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting.aspx
- wheels 17y ago
  See, the thing is, both replies jumped directly on the point I was trying not to make. I wasn't answering with my belief, nor was I saying that gay parents are worse, but trying to get at where the root of apprehension might lie with liberal-minded folks, such as the case was in the article. What I was trying to say is that such a belief is fairly prevalent and well short of nutjobbery.
  - aphyr 17y ago
    Ah, I gotcha. I do agree with the rest of your reasoning. I've had this debate before (strangely enough, at a faith-based LGBT family meeting with leaders of the Willow Creek megachurch in Chicago), and that particular point has been a sore sticking point. In its weak form (as you've presented) it does nothing to address the matter of LGBT parents, and in its strong form (gay parents are worse), it contradicts pretty much all available evidence.

by wheels 17y ago

puredemo 17y ago

From what I understand, most studies show that the most important thing is for kids to have two parents -- kids raised in single parent households didn't do as well (but I'm not sure how many associated variables were controlled for.) The gender of the two parents didn't seem to have much of an impact.

axod 17y ago
Isn't it often the case though that in gay couples one is more masculine and the other more feminine? Or dominant/submissive perhaps. That's probably more important - having both types of personality present?
- henrikschroder 17y ago
  No, that is a stereotype. Most gay couples don't look like that.
  - axod 17y ago
    I wasn't talking about 'looks'. I was talking about behavior. Whenever I see gay couples on documentaries etc, there almost always seems to be one 'feminine' one, and one 'masculine' one. Regardless of what sex they actually are.
    - henrikschroder 17y ago
      Documentaries != real life.
      - axod 17y ago
        Documentaries are a subset of real life. So there must at the minimum be some couples who fit this pattern :/
        henrikschroder 17y ago
        Of course, you'll find the same pattern among some straight couples as well. Your original statement that most gay couples fit the pattern simply isn't true, most couples of gay men is two guys living together, dividing household chores in a way that does not follow stereotypical gender roles, and most couples of gay women living together is the same. Hell, even most straight couples I know don't divide household chores that way, or have one partner being the dominant one. So no, you are not likely to find the "male"/"female" pattern among gay couples, but since it's not even common among straight couples, I strongly doubt it's relevant for raising children.
        axod 17y ago
        I'm not sure where you're basing that on. Most couples have pretty strongly defined roles. For example, if a shelf needs putting up, it's more than likely that the male will be tasked with this. If a daughter is after makeup advice, it's likely that they'll go to their mother rather than father. Perhaps you're reading way more into what I'm saying than is actually there.
        17y ago

aphyr 17y ago

It's not hard to argue that it's good for a child to have a mom and a dad. The APA's official stance (one borne out by my personal experience with gay families) is that there is no difference in the well-being of children raised by two same-sex parents or two opposite-sex parents. "...the results of existing research comparing lesbian and gay parents to heterosexual parents and children of lesbian and gay parents to children of heterosexual parents are quite clear: Common stereotypes are not supported by the data." http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting.aspx http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting.aspx

wheels 17y ago
See, the thing is, both replies jumped directly on the point I was trying not to make. I wasn't answering with my belief, nor was I saying that gay parents are worse, but trying to get at where the root of apprehension might lie with liberal-minded folks, such as the case was in the article. What I was trying to say is that such a belief is fairly prevalent and well short of nutjobbery.
- aphyr 17y ago
  Ah, I gotcha. I do agree with the rest of your reasoning. I've had this debate before (strangely enough, at a faith-based LGBT family meeting with leaders of the Willow Creek megachurch in Chicago), and that particular point has been a sore sticking point. In its weak form (as you've presented) it does nothing to address the matter of LGBT parents, and in its strong form (gay parents are worse), it contradicts pretty much all available evidence.