10 ms·

Wife and I had read the Atlantic article before it was too late, went with plain wedding bands for both of us. However, living in America, this is causing issue

Wife and I had read the Atlantic article before it was too late, went with plain wedding bands for both of us. However, living in America, this is causing issues for her, continuously having to explain to friends and acquaintances why she does not have a diamond. We'd been looking for used rings as an alternative - hence, thank you very much for writing this, you just saved me and my wife several thousand dollars.

dom0 10y ago
I had no idea that this could possibly be a thing.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
stephencanon 10y ago
> having to explain to friends and acquaintances why she does not have a diamond. I don't think this is a universal "in America" thing. Maybe in some parts of the country, but here in the northeast it seems like it's none of their business; I can't imagine asking someone to explain it, and I would think someone who did ask was being awfully nosy. FWIW my wife has a diamond ring which she almost never wears, and I can't remember anyone ever asking about it. My parents wear plain gold wedding bands only, and I've never heard anyone ask them about it either.
- jakewins 10y ago
  That's absolutely fair, I should know better than to generalize like that. We live in rural Missouri, which is probably why the social pressure is what it is. Sorry about Trump, BTW.
- ScottBurson 10y ago
  My wife and I, living in the SF Bay area and having no regard for convention whatsoever -- and not really liking diamonds -- went with a sapphire for her ring. She tells me that other women do sometimes ask her about it. This is unfathomable to me, but there it is.
  - shawndumas 10y ago
    same area; we went with ruby. they ask her about her ring all the time... though she reports never feeling judged.
- snuxoll 10y ago
  Fuck, my wife and I are in possession of my parents gold (+small diamond) band and rings and wore them during our courtroom marriage ceremony - but we switched to tungsten rings with a carbon fiber inlay because the gold was too fragile and the wife kept scratching everything (including our daughter) with the diamond. We're much happier with $20 disposable rings (both of us have lost one already); no fear of loss or damage and it gets the point across fine- hell, when I proposed to her I didn't even have a ring, we would have done it this way in the first place.
- paganel 10y ago
  > WIW my wife has a diamond ring which she almost never wears, and I can't remember anyone ever asking about it Interesting, I'm from Europe and I'd be curious to know at which point exactly did diamond rings replace gold wedding bands as the "official marriage signs" in the States. Wedding bands are still quite popular over here in Europe, hopefully they don't get replaced any time soon (for one thing, gold actually has some intrinsic value compared to diamonds).
  - stephencanon 10y ago
    > at which point exactly did diamond rings replace gold wedding bands as the "official marriage signs" in the States. They didn't. Wedding bands are still the "official marriage sign". Diamond engagement rings are extremely common, however, and it's very common for American women to continue wearing their engagement ring alongside their wedding band. (As with my wife and my mother, it's definitely not unheard of for women to wear just the wedding band either).
stale2002 10y ago
Why not just not tell people that it isn't a diamond? Noone is going to notice, and it doesn't really matter that it is a lie.
simplexion 10y ago
The correct response for when someone asks your wife why she doesn't have shiny carbon on her ring is, "because fuck you, that's why."
burfog 10y ago
That tradition is news to me. As far as I knew, the tradition is to give a ring with a stone (commonly diamond) for engagement, and then a plain band for the wedding. Once married, only the plain band is worn. The reason: stones can snag on clothing, rip an eyeball, snap off, attract violence, or scratch something you care about. I went with my birthstone (Arizona Peridot, cheap and pretty) from my grandma for the engagement. My wife thought that was sweet. She keeps it in a drawer somewhere as a memento, and wears a plain gold band every day. I suppose I might prefer titanium over gold, for weight reasons, but the gold is OK.
- vxNsr 10y ago
  I've never heard of your tradition before, where are you from?
  - burfog 10y ago
    My mom was born around 1951 in San Francisco to parents raised there and in the central valley. My dad was born around 1946 in San Mateo to parents from Iowa and I forget. The ancestry is Catholic from Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and similar. The engagement ring is fancy. The wedding band is plain. The wedding band is always worn. The engagement ring could be worn, but that is optional. My mom wore hers often enough that it and the wedding band ground each other away and eventually had to be soldered together. So you don't have to always keep the engagement ring in a box, but you might, and wearing it is totally optional. The wedding ring pretty much never comes off.
- Grishnakh 10y ago
  My (now ex) wife wanted a titanium ring. She loved it because it was so light and felt like it wasn't even there. That's one thing out of that marriage that didn't cost me much... (Actually, it was a very amicable divorce; marrying someone who isn't a selfish person fixated on superficial stuff like diamond rings is, I think, a good way to make sure that if the marriage does have to end, that it'll be as painless a transition as possible.)
occamrazor 10y ago
Is this really a thing in the US? In Italy (and AFAIK in most of Europe) wedding rings are normally plain gold (rarely white or red gold, or platinum) bands. Engagement rings do have a stone, but they are not worn every day.
- dagw 10y ago
  and AFAIK in most of Europe In Sweden at least it seems to be quite common to wear both rings. However it also seems to be more common to have inset stones, rather than one that sticks out. I've also seen several people who buy the engagement ring and wedding band together as a matching set to make sure they work together. (something which to me always felt rather presumptuous)
  - jandrese 10y ago
    What is more presumptuous than getting married?
    - dagw 10y ago
      Fair point.
    - deleted 10y ago
      [deleted]
- liquidcool 10y ago
  It was that way in the US for a very long time. Sometime in the last couple decades a new trend arose to wear both the engagement ring and a wedding band together. The logic being you spent 4-5 figures on beautiful jewelry, so it's silly to only wear it during the engagement. (Whether it's silly to spend that much in the first place is another argument.) I don't know if they are in fashion currently, but many jewelers began selling engagement rings with a paired wedding band that is designed to match perfectly and be fused with the engagement ring after the wedding.
  - coldpie 10y ago

dom0 10y ago

I had no idea that this could possibly be a thing.

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

stephencanon 10y ago

> having to explain to friends and acquaintances why she does not have a diamond. I don't think this is a universal "in America" thing. Maybe in some parts of the country, but here in the northeast it seems like it's none of their business; I can't imagine asking someone to explain it, and I would think someone who did ask was being awfully nosy. FWIW my wife has a diamond ring which she almost never wears, and I can't remember anyone ever asking about it. My parents wear plain gold wedding bands only, and I've never heard anyone ask them about it either.

jakewins 10y ago
That's absolutely fair, I should know better than to generalize like that. We live in rural Missouri, which is probably why the social pressure is what it is. Sorry about Trump, BTW.
ScottBurson 10y ago
My wife and I, living in the SF Bay area and having no regard for convention whatsoever -- and not really liking diamonds -- went with a sapphire for her ring. She tells me that other women do sometimes ask her about it. This is unfathomable to me, but there it is.
- shawndumas 10y ago
  same area; we went with ruby. they ask her about her ring all the time... though she reports never feeling judged.
snuxoll 10y ago
Fuck, my wife and I are in possession of my parents gold (+small diamond) band and rings and wore them during our courtroom marriage ceremony - but we switched to tungsten rings with a carbon fiber inlay because the gold was too fragile and the wife kept scratching everything (including our daughter) with the diamond. We're much happier with $20 disposable rings (both of us have lost one already); no fear of loss or damage and it gets the point across fine- hell, when I proposed to her I didn't even have a ring, we would have done it this way in the first place.
paganel 10y ago
> WIW my wife has a diamond ring which she almost never wears, and I can't remember anyone ever asking about it Interesting, I'm from Europe and I'd be curious to know at which point exactly did diamond rings replace gold wedding bands as the "official marriage signs" in the States. Wedding bands are still quite popular over here in Europe, hopefully they don't get replaced any time soon (for one thing, gold actually has some intrinsic value compared to diamonds).
- stephencanon 10y ago
  > at which point exactly did diamond rings replace gold wedding bands as the "official marriage signs" in the States. They didn't. Wedding bands are still the "official marriage sign". Diamond engagement rings are extremely common, however, and it's very common for American women to continue wearing their engagement ring alongside their wedding band. (As with my wife and my mother, it's definitely not unheard of for women to wear just the wedding band either).

stale2002 10y ago

Why not just not tell people that it isn't a diamond? Noone is going to notice, and it doesn't really matter that it is a lie.

simplexion 10y ago

The correct response for when someone asks your wife why she doesn't have shiny carbon on her ring is, "because fuck you, that's why."

burfog 10y ago

That tradition is news to me. As far as I knew, the tradition is to give a ring with a stone (commonly diamond) for engagement, and then a plain band for the wedding. Once married, only the plain band is worn. The reason: stones can snag on clothing, rip an eyeball, snap off, attract violence, or scratch something you care about. I went with my birthstone (Arizona Peridot, cheap and pretty) from my grandma for the engagement. My wife thought that was sweet. She keeps it in a drawer somewhere as a memento, and wears a plain gold band every day. I suppose I might prefer titanium over gold, for weight reasons, but the gold is OK.

vxNsr 10y ago
I've never heard of your tradition before, where are you from?
- burfog 10y ago
  My mom was born around 1951 in San Francisco to parents raised there and in the central valley. My dad was born around 1946 in San Mateo to parents from Iowa and I forget. The ancestry is Catholic from Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and similar. The engagement ring is fancy. The wedding band is plain. The wedding band is always worn. The engagement ring could be worn, but that is optional. My mom wore hers often enough that it and the wedding band ground each other away and eventually had to be soldered together. So you don't have to always keep the engagement ring in a box, but you might, and wearing it is totally optional. The wedding ring pretty much never comes off.
Grishnakh 10y ago
My (now ex) wife wanted a titanium ring. She loved it because it was so light and felt like it wasn't even there. That's one thing out of that marriage that didn't cost me much... (Actually, it was a very amicable divorce; marrying someone who isn't a selfish person fixated on superficial stuff like diamond rings is, I think, a good way to make sure that if the marriage does have to end, that it'll be as painless a transition as possible.)

occamrazor 10y ago

Is this really a thing in the US? In Italy (and AFAIK in most of Europe) wedding rings are normally plain gold (rarely white or red gold, or platinum) bands. Engagement rings do have a stone, but they are not worn every day.

dagw 10y ago
and AFAIK in most of Europe In Sweden at least it seems to be quite common to wear both rings. However it also seems to be more common to have inset stones, rather than one that sticks out. I've also seen several people who buy the engagement ring and wedding band together as a matching set to make sure they work together. (something which to me always felt rather presumptuous)
- jandrese 10y ago
  What is more presumptuous than getting married?
  - dagw 10y ago
    Fair point.
  - deleted 10y ago
    [deleted]
liquidcool 10y ago
It was that way in the US for a very long time. Sometime in the last couple decades a new trend arose to wear both the engagement ring and a wedding band together. The logic being you spent 4-5 figures on beautiful jewelry, so it's silly to only wear it during the engagement. (Whether it's silly to spend that much in the first place is another argument.) I don't know if they are in fashion currently, but many jewelers began selling engagement rings with a paired wedding band that is designed to match perfectly and be fused with the engagement ring after the wedding.
- coldpie 10y ago