6 ms·

Seems like an american things really. In France, nobody would expect anyone to buy a certain kind of ring. As long as it's pretty, you can go for anything. Or n

Seems like an american things really. In France, nobody would expect anyone to buy a certain kind of ring. As long as it's pretty, you can go for anything. Or no engagement ring. Some friends of mine don't even get wedding rings. And I just met a not married couple wearing rings just because they liked it. Our wedding ceremonies are also usually way cheaper and less show off that the ones your pop culture is selling to you, so I hope you are not actually doing it IRL cause that seems a terrible way to start a long term relationship, money wise. But I guess we don't have such a marriage culture here anymore. People do marry, but we also now have something called the PACS, which is a very simple legal union with no bells and whistles that is pretty popular. And of course plenty of people living for ever without a label on their relationship.

emodendroket 10y ago
It's a bit of a stretch to say that only diamond rings are acceptable, but also to say that they're unknown outside the United States.
- sametmax 10y ago
  They are not unknown but diamonds are "just another expensive stone" here. People do think they got a lot of value though, it's just that the symbolism of buying one is not as strong.
- brandur 10y ago
  > It's a bit of a stretch to say that only diamond rings are acceptable "only" is a pretty exclusive word, but I don't think it's a stretch saying that only diamond rings are acceptable in the general case. Especially amongst the reasonably affluent class that you'll find a lot of on HN, not getting a diamond for a spouse would be unusual enough that friends would whisper behind your backs about it. (And to be clear, I'm of the opinion that this is crazy.)
  - emodendroket 10y ago
    Nobody has ever been the least bit bothered by my non-diamond choice of an engagement ring for my wife.
    - enraged_camel 10y ago
      For every such anecdote, there is seventeen opposing anecdotes where the wife insisted on a diamond ring and/or her friends/family thought the husband was "cheap" for not buying her one. edit: Looks like I said something unpopular. Whoops!
      - dom0 10y ago
        wtf
      - emodendroket 10y ago
        For not buying a ring at all maybe, but for a nice ring with different stones I really don't think so.
      - jcoffland 10y ago
        If you don't get down voted some times then you probably aren't speaking your mind or you're just very boring.
      - kevin_thibedeau 10y ago
        That attitude speaks volumes about their character and lack of critical thinking skills.
    - pessimizer 10y ago
      What part of "behind your backs..."
      - emodendroket 10y ago
        Do you not find it's the case that you can generally perceive when people are talking behind your back?
erelde 10y ago
(french also) I know a couple who married at the beggining of their fifties, just went to the mayor's office with two witnesses, signed the papers and that was all. They are both litterature teachers for students in their master cycle.
- smhost 10y ago
  I was a witness for a couple (who I had only met earlier that day) at a Vegas wedding. I would also like to point out that the U.S. is as large as all of Europe combined, and that there are vast cultural differences throughout.
  - akie 10y ago
    From a European perspective the cultural differences are not so vast.
    - smhost 10y ago
      It's not a matter of comparison or opinion.
      - magic_quotes 10y ago
        Still, it's very jarring to read statements in the form: US is larger than Europe, [therefore] <total non sequitur>.
        smhost 10y ago
        fire with fire
        deleted 10y ago
        [deleted]
- stephencanon 10y ago
  When I was at Berkeley, a colleague did the same. Came into the office one morning, said "[girlfriend of 5 years] and I just decided to get married today, come down to city hall with us at lunch for the party."
beevai142 10y ago
Given that the diamond ring fad apparently originated from a marketing campaign, it would be interesting to see how well the belief that wedding rings should have a diamond correlates with where the ads were run. At least in the nordics, I don't think there's a specific type of wedding (EDIT: or engagement) ring that you're expected to have, and I think many people have no stone of any kind embedded in theirs.
- bluejekyll 10y ago
  It's the engagement ring that traditionally has a stone, not the wedding band, which is often just a pure metal (in the US), though many have small stones around the ring.
  - deleted 10y ago
    [deleted]
  - asmala 10y ago
    In Nordic countries, the order is reversed. We wear simple bands after the engagement, and give the fancier ring during the wedding.
- mcv 10y ago
  In Netherland, stones are rare. A plain gold band is the traditional wedding ring. If engagement rings are a thing at all, they're generally the wedding ring worn on the other hand, I think. Tattoos are up and coming. My wife and I (both from good Christian homes) have a Moebius strip tattooed on the inside of our wrist, as wedding tattoo. My sister and her husband have a self-designed rune on their ring finger, and a heart-shaped celtic knot on their lower arm as engagement tattoo (and I think these are their only tattoos; they certainly are for my wife and I). My wife and I did have engagement rings: titatium with gold. I lost mine before the wedding, though. I can't lose my tattoo. De Beers clearly never had much influence here.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
pessimizer 10y ago
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-yo... "In Europe, where diamond prices had collapsed during the Depression, there seemed little possibility of restoring public confidence in diamonds. In Germany, Austria, Italy, and Spain, the notion of giving a diamond ring to commemorate an engagement had never taken hold. In England and France, diamonds were still presumed to be jewels for aristocrats rather than the masses. Furthermore, Europe was on the verge of war, and there seemed little possibility of expanding diamond sales. This left the United States as the only real market for De Beers's diamonds. In fact, in 1938 some three quarters of all the cartel's diamonds were sold for engagement rings in the United States. Most of these stones, however, were smaller and of poorer quality than those bought in Europe, and had an average price of $80 apiece. Oppenheimer and the bankers believed that an advertising campaign could persuade Americans to buy more expensive diamonds."
copenja 10y ago
To each his own, but personally, I find large wedding celebrations to be an absolute blast. I went to a 500+ person wedding in Beersheba Israel last year and it was incredible. It was one of the most fun, warm, and endearing events I have ever been too. I kinda have a weird idea that everyone should just be able to do their own thing without being judged. I certainly don't think they should be demonized as "show off" or "pop culture selling to you".
- sametmax 10y ago
  You can have a big party that doesn't cost a lot. I went to an Algerian and a Malian wedding, with 200+ and days of partying for very cheap (even for the local standard). What I'm talking about are incredible expense like putting fresh flowers everywhere, renting a some fashionable place, spending thousands on rings, dress, make up artists, haircuts, etc. You can absolutely have a great venue, look stunning and have fun with 100 people without getting in debt for 5 years. This is not what TV is selling you though.
Jean-Philipe 10y ago
> Seems like an american things really. Good point. German guy here. She got me a wooden engagement ring back then. Everyone loved it.
pif 10y ago
> Seems like an american things really. Just for info, diamonds and expensive marriage parties are the rule in Southern Italy as well. Northern Italy is similar to France, when you actually go to a marriage to enjoy yourself and not just to show your dress.

emodendroket 10y ago

It's a bit of a stretch to say that only diamond rings are acceptable, but also to say that they're unknown outside the United States.

sametmax 10y ago
They are not unknown but diamonds are "just another expensive stone" here. People do think they got a lot of value though, it's just that the symbolism of buying one is not as strong.
brandur 10y ago
> It's a bit of a stretch to say that only diamond rings are acceptable "only" is a pretty exclusive word, but I don't think it's a stretch saying that only diamond rings are acceptable in the general case. Especially amongst the reasonably affluent class that you'll find a lot of on HN, not getting a diamond for a spouse would be unusual enough that friends would whisper behind your backs about it. (And to be clear, I'm of the opinion that this is crazy.)
- emodendroket 10y ago
  Nobody has ever been the least bit bothered by my non-diamond choice of an engagement ring for my wife.
  - enraged_camel 10y ago
    For every such anecdote, there is seventeen opposing anecdotes where the wife insisted on a diamond ring and/or her friends/family thought the husband was "cheap" for not buying her one. edit: Looks like I said something unpopular. Whoops!
    - dom0 10y ago
      wtf
    - emodendroket 10y ago
      For not buying a ring at all maybe, but for a nice ring with different stones I really don't think so.
    - jcoffland 10y ago
      If you don't get down voted some times then you probably aren't speaking your mind or you're just very boring.
    - kevin_thibedeau 10y ago
      That attitude speaks volumes about their character and lack of critical thinking skills.
  - pessimizer 10y ago
    What part of "behind your backs..."
    - emodendroket 10y ago
      Do you not find it's the case that you can generally perceive when people are talking behind your back?

erelde 10y ago

(french also) I know a couple who married at the beggining of their fifties, just went to the mayor's office with two witnesses, signed the papers and that was all. They are both litterature teachers for students in their master cycle.

smhost 10y ago
I was a witness for a couple (who I had only met earlier that day) at a Vegas wedding. I would also like to point out that the U.S. is as large as all of Europe combined, and that there are vast cultural differences throughout.
- akie 10y ago
  From a European perspective the cultural differences are not so vast.
  - smhost 10y ago
    It's not a matter of comparison or opinion.
    - magic_quotes 10y ago
      Still, it's very jarring to read statements in the form: US is larger than Europe, [therefore] <total non sequitur>.
      - smhost 10y ago
        fire with fire
      - deleted 10y ago
        [deleted]
stephencanon 10y ago
When I was at Berkeley, a colleague did the same. Came into the office one morning, said "[girlfriend of 5 years] and I just decided to get married today, come down to city hall with us at lunch for the party."

beevai142 10y ago

Given that the diamond ring fad apparently originated from a marketing campaign, it would be interesting to see how well the belief that wedding rings should have a diamond correlates with where the ads were run. At least in the nordics, I don't think there's a specific type of wedding (EDIT: or engagement) ring that you're expected to have, and I think many people have no stone of any kind embedded in theirs.

bluejekyll 10y ago
It's the engagement ring that traditionally has a stone, not the wedding band, which is often just a pure metal (in the US), though many have small stones around the ring.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- asmala 10y ago
  In Nordic countries, the order is reversed. We wear simple bands after the engagement, and give the fancier ring during the wedding.
mcv 10y ago
In Netherland, stones are rare. A plain gold band is the traditional wedding ring. If engagement rings are a thing at all, they're generally the wedding ring worn on the other hand, I think. Tattoos are up and coming. My wife and I (both from good Christian homes) have a Moebius strip tattooed on the inside of our wrist, as wedding tattoo. My sister and her husband have a self-designed rune on their ring finger, and a heart-shaped celtic knot on their lower arm as engagement tattoo (and I think these are their only tattoos; they certainly are for my wife and I). My wife and I did have engagement rings: titatium with gold. I lost mine before the wedding, though. I can't lose my tattoo. De Beers clearly never had much influence here.

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

pessimizer 10y ago

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-yo... "In Europe, where diamond prices had collapsed during the Depression, there seemed little possibility of restoring public confidence in diamonds. In Germany, Austria, Italy, and Spain, the notion of giving a diamond ring to commemorate an engagement had never taken hold. In England and France, diamonds were still presumed to be jewels for aristocrats rather than the masses. Furthermore, Europe was on the verge of war, and there seemed little possibility of expanding diamond sales. This left the United States as the only real market for De Beers's diamonds. In fact, in 1938 some three quarters of all the cartel's diamonds were sold for engagement rings in the United States. Most of these stones, however, were smaller and of poorer quality than those bought in Europe, and had an average price of $80 apiece. Oppenheimer and the bankers believed that an advertising campaign could persuade Americans to buy more expensive diamonds."

copenja 10y ago

To each his own, but personally, I find large wedding celebrations to be an absolute blast. I went to a 500+ person wedding in Beersheba Israel last year and it was incredible. It was one of the most fun, warm, and endearing events I have ever been too. I kinda have a weird idea that everyone should just be able to do their own thing without being judged. I certainly don't think they should be demonized as "show off" or "pop culture selling to you".

sametmax 10y ago
You can have a big party that doesn't cost a lot. I went to an Algerian and a Malian wedding, with 200+ and days of partying for very cheap (even for the local standard). What I'm talking about are incredible expense like putting fresh flowers everywhere, renting a some fashionable place, spending thousands on rings, dress, make up artists, haircuts, etc. You can absolutely have a great venue, look stunning and have fun with 100 people without getting in debt for 5 years. This is not what TV is selling you though.

Jean-Philipe 10y ago

> Seems like an american things really. Good point. German guy here. She got me a wooden engagement ring back then. Everyone loved it.

pif 10y ago

> Seems like an american things really. Just for info, diamonds and expensive marriage parties are the rule in Southern Italy as well. Northern Italy is similar to France, when you actually go to a marriage to enjoy yourself and not just to show your dress.