4 ms·

Another reason that I think friendships diminish as people age: People become much more concerned about status and the value brought to the table by people they

Another reason that I think friendships diminish as people age: People become much more concerned about status and the value brought to the table by people they associate with than they do about friendship per se. We split up into social classes more. Rarely do you see the executive making friends with the dry cleaner, or hanging out with their friend who became a landscaper. They dine with people they can do business with and who enhance their status, and if they still talk to to the landscaper, they don't invite them to socialize with their executive friends. I don't like that social segregation, but it's a reality.

Illotus 10y ago
Well I've found the more likely reason there to be that unless you still share hobbies it is pretty difficult to have stuff to talk about. Other than the old times.
tehwalrus 10y ago
While it may be true that there are strata of social activity, I don't believe it is generalisable that everyone "dine[s] with people they can do business with". Most people's social interactions are much less formal/utility driven in my experience.
gaius 10y ago
Rarely do you see the executive making friends with the dry cleaner, or hanging out with their friend who became a landscaper It used to be quite common in both London and NYC to see a banker and a street sweeper or a cab driver, chatting over a fag outside an office building. One of the unintended consequences of widespread smoking bans is that this interaction stopped.
- Symbiote 10y ago
  That can't be directly due to smoking bans, since smoking outside buildings is much more common after than ban than it was before it. I reckon it's more likely because of smartphones -- all three people are more likely to fiddle on a phone than cross the street to talk to the other smoker.
  - niftich 10y ago
    Aren't people who pull out their phones on break more likely to be texting a friend or checking a social networking site than doing something devoid of socialization on their phones? So they're opting for their existing social circle instead of the company of strangers; even just based on app downloads and usage patterns I'd hardly suggest that most smartphone usage is net loss for humans being social.
  - wcummings 10y ago
    It's hard to overstate how social smoking is. You have a lot of spontaneous interactions bumming cigarettes to and from people. You get to know all the other smokers in your apartment building or office building. You coordinate smoke breaks with your coworkers or other people in your building, they're a great excuse to get away from your desk and bullshit for 10 minutes. I would reckon smokers are far less likely to stare into their phones when they're outside smoking than most people.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
dolguldur 10y ago
That's a great point. I see it in effect in my life in several indirect ways. Some people I might want to hang out with (because I find them interesting) give me the impression that I'm below their status level. I'm conscious about this and probably concerned about this too much. Another part of me really hates this attitude in people and then resorts to thinking that if they're that centered on status, maybe after all they aren't that interesting. Of course I could try harder, but with social situations this usually just leads to the inevitable impression of being in need for something (which is majorly off-putting). There's so much that could be said about this topic but in the end everyone's time is limited. So we decide: Do I want to spend time with person X or do I rather use that time to work on... my career, ... or maybe just read a book. Since this applies to another person as well, this makes me afraid to ask: "Hey, do you want to hang out with me, or do you think the time spent with me will be less valuable than what you normally would do?" The harsh truth might be that the other person deems us less interesting than doing whathever else they do. And we ought to be ok with that. I'm quite aware of this and it's one of the reasons why I oftentimes don't engange in social situatioins in the first place. I've encountered dozens of awkward social situations where I left the party early on some pretense when in the end I just thought you're all boring as hell, I want to go home. Some of these situations were quite painful. However the risk of having to go through such a situation shouldn't keep me from enganging more actively. I'm writing this partly as a statement to make myself be more active again in that respect. Most of _ is crap and social groups are no different. But allowing the average to prevent the exceptional (great friendship) we might run into shouldn't be the case. So I'm saluting all the weird interactions to come as the price to pay for finding friends close to my heart.

Illotus 10y ago

Well I've found the more likely reason there to be that unless you still share hobbies it is pretty difficult to have stuff to talk about. Other than the old times.

tehwalrus 10y ago

While it may be true that there are strata of social activity, I don't believe it is generalisable that everyone "dine[s] with people they can do business with". Most people's social interactions are much less formal/utility driven in my experience.

gaius 10y ago

Rarely do you see the executive making friends with the dry cleaner, or hanging out with their friend who became a landscaper It used to be quite common in both London and NYC to see a banker and a street sweeper or a cab driver, chatting over a fag outside an office building. One of the unintended consequences of widespread smoking bans is that this interaction stopped.

Symbiote 10y ago
That can't be directly due to smoking bans, since smoking outside buildings is much more common after than ban than it was before it. I reckon it's more likely because of smartphones -- all three people are more likely to fiddle on a phone than cross the street to talk to the other smoker.
- niftich 10y ago
  Aren't people who pull out their phones on break more likely to be texting a friend or checking a social networking site than doing something devoid of socialization on their phones? So they're opting for their existing social circle instead of the company of strangers; even just based on app downloads and usage patterns I'd hardly suggest that most smartphone usage is net loss for humans being social.
- wcummings 10y ago
  It's hard to overstate how social smoking is. You have a lot of spontaneous interactions bumming cigarettes to and from people. You get to know all the other smokers in your apartment building or office building. You coordinate smoke breaks with your coworkers or other people in your building, they're a great excuse to get away from your desk and bullshit for 10 minutes. I would reckon smokers are far less likely to stare into their phones when they're outside smoking than most people.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]

dolguldur 10y ago

That's a great point. I see it in effect in my life in several indirect ways. Some people I might want to hang out with (because I find them interesting) give me the impression that I'm below their status level. I'm conscious about this and probably concerned about this too much. Another part of me really hates this attitude in people and then resorts to thinking that if they're that centered on status, maybe after all they aren't that interesting. Of course I could try harder, but with social situations this usually just leads to the inevitable impression of being in need for something (which is majorly off-putting). There's so much that could be said about this topic but in the end everyone's time is limited. So we decide: Do I want to spend time with person X or do I rather use that time to work on... my career, ... or maybe just read a book. Since this applies to another person as well, this makes me afraid to ask: "Hey, do you want to hang out with me, or do you think the time spent with me will be less valuable than what you normally would do?" The harsh truth might be that the other person deems us less interesting than doing whathever else they do. And we ought to be ok with that. I'm quite aware of this and it's one of the reasons why I oftentimes don't engange in social situatioins in the first place. I've encountered dozens of awkward social situations where I left the party early on some pretense when in the end I just thought you're all boring as hell, I want to go home. Some of these situations were quite painful. However the risk of having to go through such a situation shouldn't keep me from enganging more actively. I'm writing this partly as a statement to make myself be more active again in that respect. Most of _ is crap and social groups are no different. But allowing the average to prevent the exceptional (great friendship) we might run into shouldn't be the case. So I'm saluting all the weird interactions to come as the price to pay for finding friends close to my heart.